What motivates you in life?

[epath13]

Tell me if I'm wrong but it seems that a lot of people on the spectrum are not highly motivated in life. Do you think it is true? And do you think that in many cases it is because it's hard for us to achieve what we truly want and because we spend a lot of time and energy on adjusting or dealing with processing differences? In some cases, I believe, people on the spectrum can't even decide what they want in life... what do you think?

 

[Geordie]

What motivates me the most is that as long as I do A, B will happen and it's good for me.

 

[Firnafth]

I don't know what to motivate myself in life with anymore. All of the things I had considered doing have not looked like they will work out very well for me. It seems like often I have goals which I don't stick with. Even if I had a goal that was stupid, I wish I still had one.

 

[Occasional_Demon]

I wouldn't say "everyone" on the spectrum have problems with motivation and what they want in life. As mentioned, it IS a spectrum after all, and therefore you're going to find people of all types on there.

Just speaking of myself, I have no problem with motivation. This is not a bragging point, it's just that unless I'm clinically depressed, I tend to prefer constant motion to stagnation and therefore I'd go and find something to do.

I think some people on the spectrum actually have very firm ideas on what they want to do in life because they might be very fixated on a certain special interest, to the point where it becomes their touchstone for their lives. Also, what someone wants from life doesn't necessarily mean a goal or career. It could just mean, the ability to focus on a special interest, whatever that may be.

 

[epath13]

What motivates me the most is that as long as I do A, B will happen and it's good for me.

That seems like a very practical approach What about the unexpected? What if after putting a lot of effort in doing A in order to get B you get C or something else instead ?

 

[epath13]

I wouldn't say "everyone" on the spectrum have problems with motivation and what they want in life. As mentioned, it IS a spectrum after all, and therefore you're going to find people of all types on there.

Just speaking of myself, I have no problem with motivation. This is not a bragging point, it's just that unless I'm clinically depressed, I tend to prefer constant motion to stagnation and therefore I'd go and find something to do.

I think some people on the spectrum actually have very firm ideas on what they want to do in life because they might be very fixated on a certain special interest, to the point where it becomes their touchstone for their lives. Also, what someone wants from life doesn't necessarily mean a goal or career. It could just mean, the ability to focus on a special interest, whatever that may be.

I agree with you. I looked at your profile, you seem like a person I always tend to look up to With me it's like this - once I get myself into the "moving mode" I can't slow down and I don't really want to slow down but once I do (usually because of some circumstances) I can't start moving again. Plus it seems the older I get the more difficult it is to start moving...or maybe it is the environment... When I'm surrounded by passive people it seems that I have no choice but stop, which is an illusion but still

 

[Geordie]

That seems like a very practical approach What about the unexpected? What if after putting a lot of effort in doing A in order to get B you get C or something else instead ?

I'll still do anything that leads to a better outcome

 

[Geordie]

When the world has problems, we all have motivation

 

[Occasional_Demon]

@epath13: Thanks! I'm flattered. I had a look at your profile too and I wonder how it would be like to raise a child with ASD if you are on the spectrum yourself.

It can be hard to start going again when your motivation falters, and I have to say there have been numerous moments in life when that has happened to me. I do use the approach ruennsheng suggests about continually seeking out the better outcome. I find that helpful when my motivation lags. If a situation is not ideal, then IMO it is best to transform it to something which is more tolerable.

However, I also have to note that there can be moments where it's okay to take a break from activities. If you are in constant motion, eventually you can get worn out. I think that might be another cause for fatigue - when people overwork themselves. I think there's a penchant in modern-day culture to be *constantly* doing some sort of activity, when it's not natural for a person to be consistently on the go. People don't give themselves enough permission to have a "vegetate on the couch" day. Sometimes you need those days to revitalise yourself.

So, overall it's a balance IMO. You should always strive forward, but not at the expense of your wellbeing.

 

[jaws]

I think I could agree with the premise that due to having to compensate so much to fit in it does not allow for relaxed thought to become creative and lead to motivation. I often find I'm motivated by routine more than anything else, especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed and/or depressed. I wish I had some grander goal, but most of the time it is just to get things done and be left alone to relax.

 

[CJinherPJs]

I've become more motivated by money over the past few weeks. If I was to receive money I would want the satisfaction of knowing I earned it; I don't like to feel like I'm sponging off of anyone.

 

[Geordie]

I've become more motivated by money over the past few weeks. If I was to receive money I would want the satisfaction of knowing I earned it; I don't like to feel like I'm sponging off of anyone.

But not everyone has the ability to earn money, and wants are never enough

 

[epath13]

@epath13: Thanks! I'm flattered. I had a look at your profile too and I wonder how it would be like to raise a child with ASD if you are on the spectrum yourself.

It can be hard to start going again when your motivation falters, and I have to say there have been numerous moments in life when that has happened to me. I do use the approach ruennsheng suggests about continually seeking out the better outcome. I find that helpful when my motivation lags. If a situation is not ideal, then IMO it is best to transform it to something which is more tolerable.

However, I also have to note that there can be moments where it's okay to take a break from activities. If you are in constant motion, eventually you can get worn out. I think that might be another cause for fatigue - when people overwork themselves. I think there's a penchant in modern-day culture to be *constantly* doing some sort of activity, when it's not natural for a person to be consistently on the go. People don't give themselves enough permission to have a "vegetate on the couch" day. Sometimes you need those days to revitalise yourself.

So, overall it's a balance IMO. You should always strive forward, but not at the expense of your wellbeing.

Well said Occasional_Demon... As for my kid...it's challenging but it feels like I understand what he's going through even though I was verbal at his age and didn't really have that many developmental delays... So many people keep telling me that through helping him I learn more about myself and I believe it's true.

 

[CJinherPJs]

But not everyone has the ability to earn money, and wants are never enough

I see where you're coming from; what I was trying to say really though was that my main motivation in life is independence; if I can earn money and a decent living for myself then I'll be more than happy.

 

[King_Oni]

I don't know... real motivation... I like to do certain things, and I probably might hope to keep them up for a while, but with that, comes that actually have to struggle to keep liking them even. I don't know if that's an aspie thing as such, so the claim that aspies might not have a lot of motivation in life... I don't know if it's actually for being an aspie.

Looking at myself, I can hardly get excited over things, I know when I do, and how it feels, but the feeling slips away to easy. It's there for a short moment, and I don't know if motivation should be to chase the moment. If I'm chasing the moment, I'm feeling I'm forcing myself to stay motivated... but for what? To chase the moment? It needs a goal and being on the move so to say isn't really a goal I feel... those should be means, not ends.

In my life I had my share of interests, for which I could stay motivated... but at some point I was like "is this all?". Alongside that, I found motivation and drive in things in life, but I was told that these are really terrible goals. That kinda put me on the spot where I was being either told that I can't chase my personal goals as such and/or that I should aspire different goals... and that kills my motivation.

Let's look at a few examples;

Being in a band is fun... most of the time. Playing gigs and all is all fine and dandy, however, with that, you HAVE to progress and get your name out there, and play internationally. I have no intention to do so. I don't like travels and I don't like selling out just to earn more money over it. If anything that's NOT my goal. But then it's not viable, so it's not a good goal. My motivation however for whatever hobby I have however is related to how much time I have for it. Back then I wasn't in school for most part and spent roughly 20 hours a day writing stuff, mainting the website, fleshing out new concepts, all without the concept of "I have to earn money of this"... because I felt it should be fun and on a voluntary basis.

As a teen I once imagined that I'd like to become leader of a doomsday cult... yeah, you read it right in general stuff like that fascinated me back then (does to some extent now), but talking to a career counselor that idea got shot down pretty fast. So there was no motivation nor interest for me to pursue those things. I was a teen and a bit more naive then, so sometimes when people told me not to, I tried to get it out of my head... this was one of those cases.

Years ago when I had a job, money was my motivation. It was the sole reason I worked 40 hours, and eventually worked 50 at some weeks. I had goals in mind, stuff I wanted to buy. That new tv looks fancy, I want one... and as such I shall work for it. That's a decent mindset I guess. But more and more I didn't care for money, as after about 6 months I felt that the mental agony the job gave me couldn't be satisfied with the money I made. I spend my entire paycheck on things I liked to keep happy and sane. Then I went to work less hours and felt more happy. Surely it was at the expense of less money a week, but I figured out that I need my personal time and space a lot. But if you look at it this way... if you're in need of 24 hours of personal time, to stay motivated for personal goals in life, you're not living a "wealthy" life, unless you're a millionaire. (and in the end it might impose a problem on motivation since you lack finances to do stuff to keep you happy)

Currently, in my situation I can't even find motivation to get "old". I'm not suicidal, nor do I want to die right now. But I have a hard time grasping the concept on why I should stick around for this long. I do have motivation for personal goals, but none of them include living a healthy and long life. Chances are if I discuss this with a therapist they'll tell me that those outlooks are equally "bad".

As for now... am I motivated? It comes and goes... and I'm only talking about a single personal project I'm working on. It's a balancing act for me to stay motivated to do it. I know that the more I work on X, the more I can get into X again. It's also why I rather split up a project in parts instead of 1 big thing. Makes it easier to catch up if you lost motivation and track a bit.

 

[Kelly]

What motivates me the most is that as long as I do A, B will happen and it's good for me.

That's pretty much it for me. I have hardly any motivation to do anything, need to finish writing my book...meh do it tomorrow, really do need to get back on track for a uni degree...meh get round to it someday. Need to clean the bathroom....meh do it tomorrow.

I do randomly start doing things with no motivation, like a couple of nights ago I woke up around 1am to use the bathroom, when I was in there I suddenly decided to clean it, so I scrubbed the toilet, sink and floor and then went back to bed, still need to give the bath and tiles a good clean but...meh do it some other day (or night)



*meh being my internal noise for can't be bothered/not interested/more important things to do right now.

 

[Arashi222]

I don't know if its just me but I am motivated. I am motivated by wanting to help people. By finding my passion in life to do that by waking up every day for my friend who is not here anymore and loving everyone because she would have wanted that. So I am motivated by her. I am motivated by her life and her love for everyone and to try to be the light that no longer is. So I don't think its everyone I think we all have different ideas of what keeps us going or gets us going.

 

[Csutelan]

I wish I could share your motivaton. I find it increasingly difficult to get up on the morning. Every day seems more trying than the last. I have come to hate my business which seems to be sucking the life out of me day by day. I look forward to the weekends but they always go by too fast and then I wake up back in my office surrounded by parasites who don't like me and don't care to understand me. I really wish I could figure out how to be happy. Most of the time I feel like a ghost walking through a life that is no longer mine...trying to understand people who are, for the most part, as alien to me as plants. Often I wish I were a ghost; then, at least, I could understand the distance I feel from the rest of the human race.

 

[Margaretha]

I am motivated most when someone else gives me some direction or gives me a project to do. Then it becomes a chalenge and I can come up with all sorts of creative solutions and it's fun. It's really hard to motivate myself to do something though.