What is the worst/best advice you’ve been given

[JayLapointe]

Best advice: This idea that, "This too, shall pass." Having the happiest day of your life? This too, shall pass. Having the saddest day of your life? This too, shall pass.

I have never thought about that expression/advice from the perspective of happiness being fleeting as well. I like that, you've given me something to think about.

Apologies for the incoming ramble, I think it's relevant to best advice received. And it's Neo's advice that triggered this thought.

Often I think about the nature of happiness and the pursuit and think folks have it backwards. People living the "I'll be happen when" type of life instead of "I'll be happy, and then". But it comes down to when you pursue happiness as the result of getting something diploma/promotion/shiny compressed chunk of carbon (diamond ring), it is always a fleeting thing. Because once you get to the goal, it's what now, what next. It's never enough because there is always another goal to achieve, new shiny thing to get.

I like the alternative idea that comes up in positive psychology where the idea isn't to try to achieve happiness through a thing, but rather raise your overall baseline of contentment and happiness. Which is easier said than done, and takes time but I do believe it is possible. Things like exercise, meditation, gratitude practices, acts of kindness for others, all keep coming up as ways to improve that baseline. And pursuing experiences and not things, tends to have more lasting positive impact.

Michael Fordyce, 70's psychologist pre positive psychology, did a list called Fordyce's 14 Fundamentals of Happiness that were all things that could improve happiness. Martin Seligman is a current positive psychology researcher co-founder of the school of thought, another looking at improving the baseline experience. I like that idea, they aren't trying to cure or diagnose or bring anyone to "normal", they are just looking for ways to make everyone happier and more content in general.

But "this too shall pass" even the good stuff, all the more reason to stop and be grateful for the little things.

 

[pek73]

"Relax everything will be just fine" but it wasn't. The advice I seem to get when I start asking questions to an upcoming unknown situation. Inevitably I get that advice, I just am seeking clarification so that I can be prepared and know what to expect in a new situation. I do not like going into things blindly. How neurotypicals seem to just wing and and "relax because everything will be fine" is beyond me. Then again I think these are the same folks that also have no inner monologue, which I still don't understand how that is even possible.

100% agree. I can't tell you how many doctors think this piece of advice calms you down and make you feel better. It's one of the major reasons I am in the process of getting a full diagnosis. Is it a monologue if I have 2 or 3 going at the same time?
2nd worst, that sounds like it should be good - Do unto others as you would want them to do to you. It should be ask others what they want/need and do that. So many times I have seen this go from good intentions to "I was just trying to help, why are you so ungrateful"

 

[JayLapointe]

2nd worst, that sounds like it should be good - Do unto others as you would want them to do to you. It should be ask others what they want/need and do that. So many times I have seen this go from good intentions to "I was just trying to help, why are you so ungrateful"

Reminds me of an expression my Father used to use that didn't make sense as a child but with age and experience now does. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions". That idea that sometimes trying to be helpful can be harmful if it wasn't requested. I like your take in asking a person what they want/need before assuming you know.