What is the word for this?

[Major Tom]

Shady?

 

[Fino]

Personally, if someone is abusing me, I don't care why they're doing it. I care that they're doing it. They're bad and wrong for doing it no matter why they're doing it. I might care in the future, in retrospect, but as it's happening, I'm not looking to ensure the abuser is not seen in too negative a light. The reality is the abuse and the reality is the abuser.

 

[Judge]

What is the word for behavior that is damaging/hurtful and wrong and inexcusable but is not malicious?

Difficult to work with such a vague question.

The best I can come up would be the legal term "unintentional tort". A civil wrong that is done accidentally, but not intentionally. Incidents that can still have serious consequences involving negligence, but are void of malice.

Unintentional Tort Lawyers | LegalMatch

 

[Aspychata]

Gaslighting, l went thru the devaluation stage where you are constanly hammered down like the arcade game. It doesn't matter what you say or do, it's all on you. It's a horrible situtation because you are captive. You can always talk to me about privately. l suffered thru this for 15 years.

 

[Autistamatic]

I was a victim of unintentional parental abuse. Whether one regards the intent as relevant is a subjective matter.
Personally I can forgive my abusers their intent since they thought they were doing the right thing with my best interests at heart and were of a generation that didn't heed the protestations of children. What I cannot forgive is their insistence that what they did was right despite the evidence to the contrary, when confronted with it by the adult I became.

When one is abused there are inevitably scars. No 2 people deal with those scars the same way. When abuse is ongoing, an unintentional abuser should modify their approach if confronted. If they fail to then it by default becomes malicious.

I wish there were a word for what you describe @the_tortoise
I really think there should be because you are far from alone.

 

[Fino]

Maybe I just missed it, but why is a single word needed? "He's abusing me and doesn't even know it," or, "he's abusing me without realizing it," or something along those lines.

 

[the_tortoise]

Because the opportunity to use a statement like that doesn’t always present itself and I feel weird calling it abuse....like I am doing something wrong.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Abuse is abuse, negligence is negligence, and neglect is neglect, unless the perpetrator of such was deemed mentally incompetent in a court of law, or unless some self-defense claim, or a certain special circumstances or claim of some mistake with proof of that, and if allowed by law, allows that. Otherwise, an abuse or some neglectful action that causes some harm to another or to their property is almost always seen as intentional, willful and malicious, and prosecutable.

 

[Aspychata]

Finally comfortable calling people on their abuse. No sugarcoating, no niceties, just right to the point. Tonite l had a rude caregiver, l told her she was rude to her face and l told my boss and he went and talked to her. She has been rude for awhile, but tonite l called her on it.

 

[Thinx]

I am not surprised that you would feel uncomfortable using the word Abuse, @the_tortoise , because part of what abuse does is to undermine us, and make us feel like we deserve it, that we are wrong and broken.

However it is presented, this is abuse, it is a misuse of power that has steadily undermined you, and because you are dependent on the person you have had little choice but to put up with how they treat you.

I understand what you mean about feeling bad about what you say to others about this, and frankly it doesn't really matter whether you use that word, you can just quote the behaviour and what is said, and allow others to form their own conclusion.

I don't think this person would still be around you unless they were dependent on you, they are able to avoid their own issues while they critique you, and my guess is also, that your gentle and sensitive ways are balm to them.

If you had the means, you would have gently and kindly detached yourself from them, I imagine. If there's any way to get others to help you do that in a way that works for you, then I would say, just describe the behaviour and what is said and done. That speaks for itself.