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What do you struggle with the most?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Hannibal, Jun 2, 2021.

  1. Neonatal RRT

    Neonatal RRT Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    At the age of 54, I guess I don't "struggle" anymore. I've just accepted, adapted, and overcome, in most cases. I've done enough research into the anatomy, physiology, pathophysiology, and psychology of autism to realize there are certain things that I simply do not have the "hardware" for,...so no amount of "software" is going to change who I am. With that, comes a large degree of self-awareness. When I am put into certain situations, whether it be environment (sensory issues) or social (communication issues), I will sometimes have to admit my limitations, sometimes confess my autism to others, and/or simply do the best I can.

    Although the #1 thing that consistently confuses me is so-called neurotypical thought patterns,...whether it be politics, religion, dis/misinformation, dishonesty, emotional decision making, tribalism,...belief and motivational systems, in general. I don't understand how many people, including my healthcare co-workers, will spout the virtues of science and evidence-based medicine,...yet when presented with it, may disregard it when it conflicts with their beliefs. Many do not understand the concept of investment or long-term goals, as they live in the "now". How much is it going to cost me "now",...not how much is it going to save me later,...or how much money am I going to make later by making this investment now. Many, including professionals who should know better, still think linearly, rather than exponentially or parabolically, and are consistently wrong on their predictions. Many do not see their lives and their world 1, 5, 10, 20 years from now,...whereas, I am constantly thinking about it. I could spout on about the $250/month I am saving in my budget by installing a solar energy system in my house and driving electric cars,...many will nod their head, agree, come off somewhat impressed,...but then continue to do nothing but pay the utility companies and pump gasoline into their cars,...being more comfortable being dependent rather than independent. I just listen to the news, listen to the people around me converse, look at the stock markets for trends, etc....and realize, I am a visiting extraterrestrial being trapped here on Earth. Most societal behavior has never made any kind of logical sense to me,...I have learned to just keep my mouth shut and do my own thing. I can say that I've done pretty well so far being my own person.
     
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  2. _eri_bellehumeur

    _eri_bellehumeur Active Member

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    Social communication is definitely my biggest struggle. It has negatively impacted almost every aspect of my life, and has made university and finding employment unbearable. I have zero idea how to communicate with others- it really does feel like everybody has a hold of a manual for how to interact with other humans and I'm just *confused Travolta meme*. This has given me a lot of social anxiety to a point that I will have anxiety attacks and can't speak.

    Another trait is what I suspect is a processing abnormality- my brain shuts down with particular patterns or stimulus. As an example, I was riding my bike down a trail by the river on a really sunny day, and when I went under a tree the light dappling on the sidewalk combined with the speed at which I was moving tripped out my brain and I almost veered off the trail into the riverbank several meters below. Sound is another thing that I struggle to process, and in certain situations the confusion makes me very irritated and I can become impatient and angry.
     
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  3. jared mills

    jared mills Rookie

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    i struggle with not being understood for my behavior when I get frustrated easily,especially when my family (mother & brother),particularly my mother are being jerks about me making every simple mistake that are no big deal,along with her making me watch her mimic me :mad::angry::imp::rage: & making me do or say something stupid about it :smilingimp: :smirk: :sweatsmile: :tearsofjoy: !
     
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  4. ASD_Geek

    ASD_Geek Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Overthinking and worry. I continually ruminate on an idea or something that I've done or said. Regarding worry, If I know that something is coming up (ie: an event or meeting) I worry about it from the moment that I know of it until it is over. This is the case even if the event doesn't involve me, but someone that I know.

    It's strange and I try to manage it, but sometimes it's time consuming and even can keep me up at night.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2021
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  5. LadyS

    LadyS Work in Progess

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    Ditto on a lot of these.

    Social difficulties, particularly keeping track of multiple conversations and knowing when it's my turn to talk especially on the phone is hard. I get social anxiety attacks right before having obligated visits with family. I try to go over in my head about what to say and how to say it but when the time comes my mind goes blank. This is always the case with public speaking and job interviews too, even if I'm an expert in the subject matter.

    Glad someone mentioned clumsiness too because I constantly hurt myself on the daily. Sometimes I have bruises that I have no recollection of origin. So many burn and cut scars I've lost count.

    Not sure if this is related to Autism but also a huge stickler for being punctual. If I'm or someone else is a minute or two late I get very upset.

    Physical contact is always awkward like handshakes, hugging, and consoling. Just feels unnatural and rather just keep to myself.

    Bright lights and high pitched sounds.

    I don't mind routines being broken for reasons other than social ones (like having last minute visitors). People just get in the way too much.
     
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  6. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    I struggle with special interests. I'll go overboard with enthusiasm talking about them when really nobody gives a fart and they were really just asking to be social.

    Small talk is my bete noir. I can't do it. I can't keep up when the other guy is doing it. Lots of conversations just disappear into silence when I have nothing more to say. Or they don't want to hear any more.

    Clumsiness is not as bad as when I was young. Boys were absolutely judged on prowess in sports and unless you were failing, academics were unimportant to a guy. As an older adult, it is much less important.

    I do tend to do things the same way a lot but that's because it seems the best way to do them and not because I'm rigid. I am quite flexible in most things. I like to hike different trails, used to drive to work multiple ways just for the variety.

    Maybe not having a preference is a problem. My wife will ask me which color I'd prefer for wall paint. I honestly don't have a preference and none of the selection I'm presented with is bad. I'll say they are equally good so pick which one you prefer. Then she gets angry that I don't have an opinion.

    Once in a while, I'll get stuck on ruminating over something I just did, wondering if I totally messed up and could expect dire consequences even when my logical mind knows nothing will come of it.
     
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  7. RenameMePlease

    RenameMePlease Drinking Coffee

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    My executive function is not as good as it could be. I find it is more apparent when I have a job and I do things that most people seem to find easy. For example, I was a terrible cashier. Making sure people got the correct change, remembering to ask for points cards, informing customers about deals, dealing with customer after customer for my whole shift... It was terrible.

    I also have sensory problems. I have trouble with clothes and sounds, mostly. I often wear the same or similar things a lot because it's hard to find clothes I can tolerate. I also have trouble with certain sounds, like people eating, and the clicking of someone typing on a computer keyboard.

    I think I might also have difficulty in filtering sounds. I got my hearing tested at one point, but the doctor said my hearing was perfect, so I think I have trouble focusing properly on what people are saying when there are a lot of things going on around me.
     
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  8. ForestGumpett

    ForestGumpett Well-Known Member

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    I’m so sorry, that sounds horrible. Google Narcissistic Borderline Personality Disorder, read a lot then get the heck away and go no contact (Just a suggestion, I’m no doctor or anything medical). It’s what I had to do for my own sanity, mothers like this don’t deserve the title mother. Nothing says you have to put up with this, your worth more. Cut the cord.
     
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  9. Louie

    Louie Member

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    I have really hard times because of repetitiveness / rigidness. When I was younger I would schedule all my homeworks of the week. Every single day would have something that I should do no matter what. Sometimes my father would just decide that we were going out and I would panicked.
    Start crying. Heart racing.
    Surprise tours were horrible things in this family.
    Now I can deal a bit better with this, after have been called boring for all my life. I just try to hide this side of me from everybody. Don't want to be called a control freak, so now when someone ask me something I just say "when is better for you". The person say the date. I save the date and reschedule all the other things that I need to do.
    This is the only way that I can work. When I don't do this, I'm disorganized as hell and I can't do nothing.
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2021
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  10. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Change in daily routine and sound sensitivity causes anxiety.
    Anxiety can lead to a meltdown and derealization attacks. Thay feel awful as everything
    suddenly feels surreal.

    Driving very far from homebase causes anxiety and risk of panic attack.
    Living alone can lead to anxiety and depression since executive function is not that great.
    Yet I must have my alone time to calm and re-energize.
    I live with a house share partner, but, it is a large house so he has his side and I have mine.
    Sometimes we'll do something together like eating, watching TV, or going to some event or show.
    I'm not social, but, it doesn't bother me.

    As far as clothes, I prefer soft casual clothes and will also buy several of the same thing if it is
    something that fits well and is comfortable. Have a lot of loose caftans for around the house.
    Some occasions call for a bit more formal, but, I don't like it. Will if I need to.
    Preferred dress is nothing at all and that's what I wear most of the time inside my rooms in the house.
    There is a nudist area not far from where I live and I can enjoy a day of freedom from clothes
    in the sun, swim and fresh air.
     
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  11. TheDrew

    TheDrew New Member

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    I am also the type to buy multiples of the same clothing. I really don't like when things are too complex. I sometimes won't even eat something if it has too many ingredients or took a lot of effort to make. Sensory issues are by biggest concern. I am sensitive to lights, movement and noise. I can't hardly step foot in stores. It drives me crazy looking down the isles because they are usually all messed up looking and there are way to many things and I try to see them all. It gets overwhelming pretty quick.
     
  12. Trophonius

    Trophonius Well-Known Member

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    Social relationships and communication. I've reached the point I don't care anymore. Unfortunately, a social persona I very much needed to get a job.
     
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  13. hatfullofrain

    hatfullofrain Well-Known Member

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    Spontaneous conversation. I find it draining unless I'm with my closest family and friends.

    I hate trying to make small talk. I find it really difficult to maintain relationships. I feel like I'm always the one having to make the effort and I just can't be bothered anymore.

    I like the coding aspect of being a web developer, but my current job has me playing a greater role in the early stages of designing projects which I don't like. Thankfully I work with a good designer who is an extrovert, but I hate having to deal with clients when the designer has finished their part and I have to take over.

    I prefer being told, "here's the design go and build it".
     
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  14. Trophonius

    Trophonius Well-Known Member

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    Small talk is really a mystery to me. I don't necessarily dislike, but I'm not happy to find myself in situations I don't understand. Most of what happens here occurs in non-verbal language, what's being said doesn't matter that much, and I'm only barely decent for communication with explicit content.
     
  15. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    Clothing is the kind of thing that drives me nuts.

    If I am wearing clothes and there are no practical or social reasons not to remove them, keeping them on "just in case" irritates the heck out of me. At the same time, the fact that I want to get them off so badly used to make me hate myself for being so far out of synch with the social norm.

    I don't hate myself anymore about it. It is a part of my identity. Getting naked when I'm alone or in a nude-friendly environment is fundamental to who I am. It has become more of a hobby than a "special interest." OTOH, I have far more opportunities now that I am retired. I even blog about it.

    It still leaves me a social outlier. I simply accept that I will never be accepted by many. It took decades to overcome the fear of accidentally being seen. The extremely rare incidents turned out to be nonevents. Now it is the caution I have to undertake to enjoy the hobby that irritates the heck out of me.
     
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  16. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I never felt bad about myself for being out of synch with the social norm.
    The social norm is due to generations upon generations of what is taught to the next
    that stemmed from usually a religious belief on morals.

    It can range from one to the other extreme depending on the culture and teachings.
    So if I'm accidentally seen, it's the person doing the seeing that it bothers. Not me.
    Just as long as it isn't seen by the law of the land accidentally! Not worth a fine or
    the night in the hoosegow.
     
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  17. Soleil

    Soleil Well-Known Member

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    I'm awful at socializing. People say things, and I literally have no clue how to react. And sometimes people get mad at me for it.

    I also have trouble recognizing people. I once failed to recognize someone whom I sort of know because her hair was down, instead of its usual ponytail. And sometimes I see someone and recognize them as someone else.

    Changing tasks can be difficult. I don't hyperfocus on things, but changing from one task to another without coming to a reasonable stopping point (like the end of a paragraph or a commercial break) can be frustrating.
     
  18. hatfullofrain

    hatfullofrain Well-Known Member

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    I understand small talk, but it is a chore to do. I understand why I need to wash dishes, but that's a chore as well.

    I find it difficult to get past small talk and polite conversation with people and find I just don't want to engage with those boring people anymore.

    Britain sucks for that kind of thing. People keep everyone at arm's length. It's really difficult to break the protective barrier they have.

    I find it easier to make friends with people who have moved here from other countries.
     
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  19. barbarian

    barbarian Member

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    My big struggle is with social "bridge burning". You know all that talk about how you have to """network""" (I hate this stupid buzzword) to get things, e.g have a good relation to people you work with, worked with, and will work with?

    That's a huge one for me. When I'm done with something, I realize there is no point in maintaining a relation with anyone related to that "something".

    One of the things that terrify me is a future employer asking my former employers for reference. It's not that I ever treated anyone bad, but I was never warm or said "goodbye" when a job contract was over/when I quit, and in my country being over friendly is a BIG part of social interaction. It worries me the amount of people that hold grudges that could potentially damage me and I don't even know about.