What do you struggle with the most?

[Hannibal]

There's a lot of different sides to autism and we all experience different symptoms and parts uniquely and some people experience parts that others do not.

What autistic trait(s) do you struggle with the most? For me, it's social communication problems and repetitiveness / rigidness (obsessions and interests).

My examiner used the word eccentric to describe my core. I have to agree with him. This has resulted in people viewing me as alien, strange (and not in a cute way), it's lead to severe isolation, and a habit of magical thinking to make up for the lack of real world communication I experience. People don't understand why I don't feel the way they do, have the same aspirations they do, or think the way they do.

Regarding repetition and rigidness, I have to drive a certain road every morning before starting my day otherwise I will be upset. This drive takes thirty minutes. I buy seven or eight pairs of the same shorts, same color, same shirts, and have zero diversity in my wardrobe. I will say the same word hundreds of times a day to comfort myself. I pace for hours on end every day in the same spot. I am very, very strict about my interests and this has also caused a lot of social problems for me. I cannot bond with people if they do not share my same special interests. I also have a very difficult time having full length, healthy conversations if they do not include my interests. If someone interrupts my routine I can barely hold it in. If this happens two or three times without a break then I have a meltdown.

I would say the runner up for me has to be my anger and irritability. I get very angry when my routine is ruined, under bright lights like at Walmart, and I have had meltdowns because of a dog barking. I am not overly emotional in any other way. My spontaneous anger is something else though... and even on medication it's sometimes impossible to control.

 

[Amy Stone]

@Hannibal Pretty much the same as you...right down to the wardrobe. I had to laugh at that one because I am new to my diagnosis and didn't connect my 5 pair of the same shorts with Asperger's! But here I am wearing Pair #3 in green

But the hardest is not having any physical friends near me to go do activities with like hiking and shopping and chatting.

 

[Hannibal]

@Hannibal Pretty much the same as you...right down to the wardrobe. I had to laugh at that one because I am new to my diagnosis and didn't connect my 5 pair of the same shorts with Asperger's! But here I am wearing Pair #3 in green

But the hardest is not having any physical friends near me to go do activities with like hiking and shopping and chatting.

You're the first person I've seen talk about clothing repetition. Most people only talk about sensory issues when it comes to clothes. It's even worse being a woman and having this issue since women are expected to, by society's standards, be fashionable and all that.

 

[Amy Stone]

Its so weird now that you mention it. I literally buy 5 of the same of everything if it's comfy. Sometimes a couple of the same type of shoes too. And I'm androgynous-looking anyway so I can't be any more "gray" But I do think I do that because 1) sensory and 2) I hate complexity

 

[Hannibal]

Its so weird now that you mention it. I literally buy 5 of the same if everything if it's comfy. Sometimes a couple of the same type of shoes too. And I'm androgynous-looking anyway so I can't be any more "gray"

Yeah, I have eight shirts I wear out of a whole wardrobe, three are the exact same, because I have to wear these specific shirts or it upsets me greatly. Same thing with pants. I wear the same two pairs of boots or tennis shoes. I didn't think about it until I got older and other women began making comments and I noticed how they were about it versus me. There's nothing wrong with it though. I understand

 

[Misery]

A couple of things for me.

#1 is sensory issues. I have incredibly sensitive hearing and super loud sounds are an immediate shutdown. At the same time, too much quiet also drives me crazy.

#2 is sort of the direct opposite of what a lot of people on the spectrum have. For many, adherence to a strict routine is a necessity. For me, it is but a quick road to madness. I'm inherently chaotic. Prone to snap decisions, incredibly airheaded, memory like a cheese grater, zero impulse control, zero patience, and I even have a constantly rotating sleep schedule... my father likes to say I'm on "Mars time" (25-hour day). Really glad I dont work, because that'd be a huge problem if I did. Also I *must* get out of the house at least once per day, via car, and I have a tendency to look at a road I've not seen and go "I wonder what's down there?" and then I drive down it. And then find another road down that way, and go down that too, and so on. Must also travel every now and then, part of why I do conventions. Well, that and the convention atmosphere... the colorful chaos works well for me.

#3 is, well... I dont talk about this much outside of this forum, but I have a lot of gender issues. I hear this is oddly common for those on the spectrum. My naturally androgynous appearance also factors in, I'm sure. All of this is a huge reason why I do the cosplay stuff... it's a way to explore that (also costumes are fun).

#4 is FREAKING PANIC ATTACKS. Oh geez these are the worst. I hate being scared of everything all the time. Hate it. Just hate it. Oddly the ONE thing I'm not afraid of, and the one thing that I probably should be, is dangerous driving conditions. I'll drive through basically anything with absolute confidence. One time I drove from a point in Wisconsin (I'm in the US) to the main house in Illinois... normally a 2 hour drive... in the worst blizzard I've ever seen. It was so bad that stop signs were mostly pointless as there was no stopping and I bounced off some guard rails at least 2 times. And passed by tons of other cars that had launched off the road and wedged in a snowdrift. Kept going anyway... no fear. In retrospect it was an astonishingly stupid idea to do that drive at all, and my rather disconcerting luck was certainly part of what got me to my destination. Dont know why driving danger doesnt get me. It just never does. But wave a needle at me and I'll dive through a window to avoid it.

 

[GadAbout]

executive function problems are my worst part ... welcome, Hannibal.

 

[Qoyote]

I will say the same word hundreds of times a day to comfort myself. I pace for hours on end every day in the same spot. I am very, very strict about my interests and this has also caused a lot of social problems for me. I cannot bond with people if they do not share my same special interests. I also have a very difficult time having full length, healthy conversations if they do not include my interests. If someone interrupts my routine I can barely hold it in. If this happens two or three times without a break then I have a meltdown.

I would say the runner up for me has to be my anger and irritability. I get very angry when my routine is ruined, under bright lights like at Walmart, and I have had meltdowns because of a dog barking. I am not overly emotional in any other way. My spontaneous anger is something else though... and even on medication it's sometimes impossible to control.

This. This so much. Flipped order though.

I'm so goddamn tired of being angry all the time. I've been trying to change my outlook but it feels like the world's designed to piss you off. I'm angry every day. I've been trying to write more for half an hour but I can't find the words.

 

[Metalhead]

My biggest issue is feeling like I am worthy enough to have my own personal boundaries, since I am always reading everybody around me and I always feel like I am walking on eggshells when I am talking to most people.

 

[Aspychata]

I can fall into a rut with casual wear. I like loose and cover me up things. Then l will just wear that over and over. But if going out to meet, l put thought into it. I have to keep my mind busy 24/7 doing something, like now l am relearning two foreign languages because, just because.

 

[Thinx]

I buy same items of clothing and footwear in multiples, often all the same colour, especially blue. Or black or brown options for shoes. I can't do unstructured social interaction and have stopped trying, but I am OK with structured interest based events, though rarely attend any.

I think some of what people on the thread are describing may be ADD or ADHD, commonly co occurring with autism, I experience poor Executive function like disorganisation in practical ways and forgetting important items dates issues etc. I use strategies around that. Some are successful.

I have outside the box creative thinking, a good sense of humour, am bright and lucky overall with my health. I have worked in reasonably well paid work all my life. Looking on the upsides.

 

[unperson]

Face blindness makes me a non-starter socially. If I could remove one thing that would be it. Noise sensistivity is a big issue too.

I'm ok with being flexible, don't like routines. Women are socialised to be more flexible, so it came with the gender.

 

[Aspychata]

I can stay awake all nite and not even care. That's why LA is the city for insomniacs, everything is open 24/7. It's like there are two cities that operate in one place. You also get siracha packets in any restaurant you go to. Yes, l have weird hours and no guilt feelings about it.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Frustration - this is by far the worst issue I have. It's usually instant and intense and can occur at any moment. Usually it's a reaction (or overreaction) to what people do, or situations that arise and would probably seem insignificant to most people. I don't vocalise these much because when I do, people shoot me down with logic and tell me to "calm down." Or that infamous response "don't get angry" well, you saying that has taken me beyond anger.

It can be due to anything - bad manners, rudeness, people having fun, not getting a joke, listening to boring conversations, witnessing animal cruelty etc - you name it, I'll usually react to it badly. It's usually anger, and a vivid mind's eye portrayal of how I'd injure the person who has wronged me. My mind can take some really dark turns very quickly. As a for instance, I was watching seagulls outside the window and it reminded me of when I fed them at the beach. But then my mind imagined - what if someone shot one with an air rifle and enjoyed it? This brief, dark turn went even darker when I then imagined how I'd wreak my revenge on said fictitious person, and it was very graphic. Sometimes I find that side of me quite alarming - it's like there's 2 sides to me. Usually I'm keeping things together as best I can, but then there's the internal voice that is nothing but pure self-destruction.

It's all repressed though - I've often been called "chilled out" which is just how the social mask appears. I find it quite amusing that people would ever consider me laid back or chilled out - oh how little you know. Often I feel like I'm white knuckle riding my way through life. I bury all the frustration deep within and it feel poisonous. I suppose people with anger issues are supposed to be verbal, and lash out etc. Whereas I know I have an anger issue - but it's all internalised.

I understand the desire for clothing repetition - I often buy a clothing item and love it, and feel like an absolute fool that I never bought multiples of the same item, to ensure I can continue to wear it. Also, my clothes wear out fast - I scuff my shoes with how I walk (on the balls of my feet), this also wears out socks quickly. Then there's my default at home which is sat on the floor, swaying from left to right for 6-14+ hours a day. This wears holes in various locations on my trousers.

Still, it's not all bad - there's some things I used to struggle with that I don't any more - such as regular panic attacks, agoraphobia, issues socialising etc.

Hearing that ASD or ADHD are lifelong conditions does make me think that a lot of this might be a losing battle. Of course - thinking like that won't benefit anyone. I suppose there's always room for improvement. A lot of what I've read is focused around coping strategies and ways to try and de-escalate situations.

Sometimes these methods work - other times they don't. I have my default reactions to life, and I am a lot more mindful now - but it doesn't always help straight away. If my reaction to a situation is A and I'm trying to calm down and get myself to B - sometimes this doesn't happen naturally. I can try and reduce emotional reactions with logic - but sometimes that inner, self-destructive side is burning too bright and when I try and intervene it feels like that side reacts by saying "Don't you dare patronise me."

Masking is tough too - mainly because I'd like to be myself more around people. But when I did in previous jobs I got told off for being too loud, unprofessional and a distraction. Most friends I'm just sensible around - they see more of me, but it's still mostly the mask. Very few people see the real me which is frequently hyperactive, childish and eternally playful and impish. This is probably why seeing others have fun can make me so upset - because, through masking I'm denying myself a lot of enjoyment in life.

Ed

 

[Progster]

Mainly social difficulties - I'm generally ok with one-to-one interaction, but if it's a group I can't. I feel kind of detatched and cut off, as if behind a glass screen, and can't join in the conversation. I don't process fast enough and can't react fast enough in real time to interact. Relationships and getting on with people is hard, I don't really fit in well or 'gel' with others. I'm aloof and distant, in my head a lot, do my own thing and not a 'people person'.

I also had a lot of issues with employment for various reasons before I decided to work for myself. I also think I may have ADHD and have some issues related to that, and some sensory ones.

 

[watersprite]

@Hannibal welcome.

I agreed wiith many of the above issues.

Note: struggle less is what I am attempting to do lately, just being me & doing my thing alone.

In no particular order

Nightmares several times a week that are so bad, I won’t describe them. Although I have found melatonin so for the last couple of years my sleep is much better.

Executive functioning is unreliable at best. This has had a bad domino effect. However over the years I’ve improved it by writing out lists & carrying out duties and chores ine by one.

Social problems. I’m a weird mixture of loner and craving a companion, of sweet openness and firey temper, of palyful goofiness and sad blue-black moroseness, of compassion and an utter disconnect/contempt.
In general, I have no interest in stuff that “most people” seem to, so there is nothing to talk about. I have no friends except remotely.

Panic attacks, &/or meltdowns.
I avoid crowded noisy places, & if I have to be in that sort of place say while traveling, I plan for noise cancelling headphones & other coping strategies.

When a big, complicated plan or event is being carried out it can become suddenly and overwhelmingly stressful.
I mean to the point I stop and withdraw. Full stop. It turns people against me and most do not choose to or cannot accept or understand.

There are positives too but that was not the query.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I still struggle with social interaction, but living out among orchards gives me plenty of alone time and I can be selective. No problems with my friends as they understand having interests outside the mainstream and I enjoy being with them (tomorrow a friend will be helping me do an insect survey on a river).

My current struggle comes from something that I had thought was buried. It revolves around sexuality that brings up extremely strong negative emotions about a time in my life growing as a teen and young adult when socially isolated, with paralyzing social anxiety when having a desire for an intimate relationship but neither having the social skills nor the personality (or the finances) to realize that. I am preparing myself for some counseling about that, and communicating better with my spouse in hopes of acting in ways that will be satisfying for her and I.

 

[OkRad]

Yes. There are a LOT of us on here who wear same thing every day and do same thing every single day.

I have the same exact clothes every day. I do the exact dame things at the same time every day. I eat the same things, drink the same things, etc......

I have such a rigid routine, down to the drop of water, and do the exact same things every day that you can see it in things like weight, etc. I weigh the exact same thing to such an extent even Drs have commented on it. Like down to the .00 mark. That shows massive rigidity.

I had to drop the hat for social reasons and I hate that. It is a knit cap that I LOVE and wear a lot. I liked it, even in 90 degree or 100 degree weather. But one day, I saw on a Dr report that I was dressed inappropriately because of the hat!

I do this because of sensory issues from HELL, anxiety, and PTSD from hell, too. If I variate a bit I get stung badly. Because I cannot sleep or eat very well from the ASD, if I alter my routine it can all go to hell very fast. And it takes a LONG time to recover. So whatever I am missing out on by being able to be more cavalier is not worth it. Too many long spates of living in absolute hell and no help other than a few meds, a sorry look, and admonishments to meditate.

 

[PastelPetals]

1: rigidness. Everything in my head is sorted into good and bad ad right and wrong. This affects how I talk and what I value and what I will do. I also hate any sort of change.

2: clumsiness. Something in autism that is not talked about as much is motor delays and I have struggled with them my whole life. I still hurt myself many time a day and break thing due to dropping them even if I am very careful.

I would say socal stuff but i spend most of my time alone so it does not bother me a ton. It does if I am around people though.

 

[BoltzmannBrain17]

I don't have any sensory issues and I've gotten to the point where I can mask well enough to seem normal in most social situations but I'm very egotistical. I have an inflated ego and I tend to become enraged when it gets hurt. Honestly I think I may be a covert narcissist or at the very least am significantly higher in vulnerable dark triad traits than most people. I also lack a sense of self. I could give you my height, weight, eye color, and maybe even a decent picture of my 'personality'. But ultimately 'I' isn't real. 'I' is a vacuum. My life is just a third person video game.