What do you do to help the "Aspie inside"?

[Full Steam]

WereBear and Fridgemagnetman made great points that I think need exploring in their own thread.

What do you do to help the "aspie inside" to have an easier time in the world?

It's so easy to learn to fight it, but we should be embracing and helping everything that we are.

I agree with @Gracey that we can keep silent out of respect for others, but we should never lie to ourselves.

I had a wonderful meditation at the end of last summer. In it, I met my "other self," the Aspie-me who had been suppressed in many ways. I now work with her, like last night.

I have a big conference day, with lots of crowds, uncertain break times, and inadequate food sources. I was going to head for a favorite coffee shop and treat myself to a tasty coffee and breakfast... but that would mean a rushed up-and-out experience. I asked Aspie-me, who preferred a slow ramp up, and that is what I gave her. Time at home to get ready.

We have to be a team here

I like that, I do a variation when certain decisions re-occur.

I trust 'past me'. Assume he would have put a lot of thought into it,
So i dont need to revisit the decision.
Past me already did the work.
Just do what he decided, don't over-think it.
Trust past me.

 

[Full Steam]

I find that when I'm in a shop, especially one that's jumbled with loads of stuff, I get a feeling of too much visual data rushing at me.

Maybe adhd makes it worse, and I start moving and thinking faster, and everything gets chaotic. This was me fighting against the thing inside, whether aspie or ADHD, a drying to force it to behave in what I've been conditioned to think is normal.

Now I try to just stop and stand very still until it all starts coming back to a sane level of input. People don't even notice, as they are all self absorbed.

 

[Mia]

Finding the real me, took a lifetime of work. Now, the simplest way is for me to do things I like. As well as that, taking care of myself. Taking vitamins, eating healthy food, going for walks or cycling. Reading, taking a bath, brushing my teeth, enjoying the sun and the wind, working in my garden, walking in the woods. It seems to brings me back to who I am.

 

[Gracey]

currently nothing.

Don’t quite know what to do.

 

[Sabrina]

I slow down whatever I’m doing, speaking or thinking (I tend to speed up without noticing, and then, I get anxious).

Like @Full Steam , I’m not sure if it’s ADHD or my being aspie.

 

[Gritches]

I help my inner Aspie by recognizing how important routine is to me and deliberately carving out that routine to the greatest degree possible. The ambitious go-getter in me is down for anything, at any time, but I recognize that my inner Aspie doesn't like that.

My inner Aspie likes today to be the same as yesterday, and for tomorrow to be the same as today. I know the Aspie in me needs stability and predictability to stay mentally/emotionally healthy and stable, so I resist the impulse that "go-go-go me" has to drive three states over just for the hell of it and instead I go to bed at the same time, wake up at the same time, eat the same breakfast, etc.

And thus the Aspie me, who inevitably is going to be the petulant child that will dominate my emotional and mental state, behaves himself, comfortable in his routine, and in being so is able to concentrate on being the best me that I can possibly be without any of the distress and resulting mental states thereof resulting from a chaotic life.

 

[clg114]

I try to stay focused on things that make me happy. First and foremost, my family. With out my wife and family, I would be in a very dark place. Being with my family makes me happy, even just thinking about my family makes me happy.

My special interest make me happy. I am absolutely fascinated with machines. I have been lucky enough to have spent a lifetime working with machines. I can not tell you how many machines that I have taken apart, just see how they work. When I am doing things like this, I am really having fun.

In a lot of ways I am just like any other Aspie. I like routine, I am a social misfit, I need my alone time, I have a lot of sensory issues and non verbal communication goes right over my head. At least I am a happy Aspie.

 

[SusanLR]

Due to current life situation it is very hard to do what I
need for the inner Aspie.
I need routine.
This enables me to concentrate and not feel scattered
or overwhelmed which leads to mental and physical fatigue.
Living with an NT that wants to live spontaneously makes that difficult. I plan what I want to do for the day and he will suddenly jump in with "How soon could you be ready to go here and there with me?"
If I say I had planned to do something else, then he gets
angry because he doesn't like doing things alone.
If I change my plans and do what he suddenly wants
then the hectic chaos starts and ruins my day.
If I hold firm to what I had planned, then I feel guilty
seeing him sulk.

The one thing I do try to do for the Aspie within is find some quiet time to meditate and deeply relax.
I have to in order to settle my mind and recharge a bit.
Taking the best physical care I can is important also.
My supplement regiment and gentle exercise like Tai Chi,
a slow walk in nature or a stationary bike for more cardio.

Then my alone time at night on-line.
The only time I know I won't be interrupted by
someone wanting something. I know it causes me to
stay up too late, but, I have to have that time alone with
no thought of others.

 

[Thinx]

I am learning useful ideas from this thread, part of what I experience is quite a low sense of self oh that's not quite what it is but it is useful to hear how people are being themselves. I am me, yet it's as if I don't know what I m for? I probably have solved this or tried to through doing value driven work, so now I have a work me that's well I d still say inadequate to others way of thinking but there's not so much of a core self. This is hard to explain. Probably I m masking at work and more simple and asp at home I suppose. But it's puzzling and can feel like there's two not well integrated selves. They link more now maybe as I understand asp better and work on that plus care less about the mask tho not sure how great that is for my work role. Still I am reasonably effective. It's interesting to read what you all are saying, thank you.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

The urge to bolt.

Most of the time its okay, I go in,get the thing, leave.

Even when it isnt ok - I go in, don't get the thing,walk like a demon outta there, I'm gone.

It can be about my hidden expectations.

Very small queue. Obviously I've picked a non busy time.

In the queue, people come behind, I feel pressure, trolley and payment,packing has to be super quick - there are people waiting!
Build,build,
Person in front - HE'S GOT COUPONS
Yellow alert.
He's paying cash, there are people behind me,
CHIT CHAT - i cant believe he's talking at checkout, there's a queue!
I'm going postal right now,except don't want you guys to have to read more bad press..
So my expectation is that people will efficiently go tnrough checkout, payment ready in advance,trolley and bags prepared if needed.
So what do I do now I know my expectation contribute to the urge to bolt?
Order online

Its sort of like being followed by demons. As long as things are to plan, Im fine.
But as soon as one or two things....
Like an stall of oranges falls across the street
Or those two,guys take another pane of glass across the bottom of the hill in san Francisco..
Then the demons get me.

But the best thing I did recently - was drop the barbers.
All that waiting time.... they take so long for one head. Watching them cut, and i think these guys dont even need a cut, whats wrong with them?

So the hairdresser with...... an appointment!
Extra 10$ , 2 minute wait. Fantastic.
I sat there, not looking at myself in the mirror, couldnt even feel it being done
He was like a silent ghost.
I almost looked at myself I was so pleased.

Still couldnt cofrect him at the end though and tell him to cut more off.

So,yes, I don't have a problem with anything.

My original reply was going to say :

Rehearse, Prepare.

Got sidetracked.

 

[Streetwise]

WereBear and Fridgemagnetman made great points that I think need exploring in their own thread.

What do you do to help the "aspie inside" to have an easier time in the world?

It's so easy to learn to fight it, but we should be embracing and helping everything that we are.

past me is present me headless chicken ,I rely on G~d as I couldn't make a decision to save my life !I can memorise for Britain and if I'm not in pain I can organise for Britain!
before God it was looking helplessly at my mother thinking she would have the answer !and being autistic always slightly suspicious of her answer .
for me personally I'm still blown away by the fact that I'm autistic two years is very recent .
was sitting this morning and realised i'm reacting to the letter I received in an autistic way it's still very peculiar .
i'm exactly the same at the supermarket as @Fridgemagnetman I don't feel much better now but I get it delivered I still have to take everything off the delivery man it's fast as I possibly can and then just try and sign the stupid machine, Love it when it doesn't work .

 

[Kirsty]

Finding the real me, took a lifetime of work. Now, the simplest way is for me to do things I like. As well as that, taking care of myself. Taking vitamins, eating healthy food, going for walks or cycling. Reading, taking a bath, brushing my teeth, enjoying the sun and the wind, working in my garden, walking in the woods. It brings me back to who and what I am.

Ditto! As a matter of fact, I’m thinking about going to the Botanics to recharge today and happy to see that they’re open for longer at this time of year. Work has been stressful, (bullies) but I have done what I can to sort them out and gain back my self respect.

I’ve put on a bit of weight, but walking will help burn it off a little bit. It’s one thing I hate about getting older is being bigger. It’s my own fault really, as I’ve definitely been comfort eating.

 

[Kirsty]

It’s too cold and the snow is coming on and off, so I’ve decided to take myself out shopping instead to spend my bonus money from work. So far, I’ve spent £20 which I found on the street the other day! I got new smart shoes and socks with that. Enjoying a white hot chocolate before I see what else I might like to buy with my bonus pay. Money is flowing easily this month. I love it! Time to treat myself.

 

[WereBear]

I have found it valuable, when I feel anxiety, is not hiding from it. I examine it, and subject it to logic. It's often just panic or my own worries; I can ignore it, and it goes away more easily.

If I can't take it seriously... I can't take it seriously.

 

[Progster]

Since diagnosis:
I don't try to take on too many things at once.
I say 'no' more often.
I'm not so hard on myself when I don't get it right.
I forgive my past mistakes.
I give myself some space/leeway.
If I can't manage something, it's ok.
It's ok to be me!

 

[kay]

I eat chocolate pudding hot, with a good skin.

Stay home more.

Am learning to refuse others attempts to make me feel bad for doing things like spending my time listening to space heater fans on Youtube.

Rather than end my habit of picking up trash and dragging it home I decided to just collect much smaller stuff. Keeps me happy by letting me do what I like without collecting too much clutter.

 

[Merete]

This is something I need to focus on now.. I think what is most important for me is my routines. That is what makes me eat, get ready for the day, take my vitamins, eat healthy food, go for a walk in the forest- feeling connected to nature, silent-me-time/meditating/yoga. Having time for my special interest. Keeping my limits. Try to not care what other people think (though it is really hard). Being me is OK. I am OK, even though others would say I am not.
If I do not keep my routines, all of this good things just vanish. I get caught in a web. Like now. And. then. it is worse to get back. So I always need to stay on track of my routines.

 

[LucyPurrs]

I recall after living for a year in the Cayman Islands in 1984 I came back to Miami to do some shopping. In those days the Caymans were kind of in outback status and had just opened their first "supermarket" which was always half empty and was small to begin with. When I walked into a supermarket in Miami, I was totally overwhelmed by the lights, all the visual stimuli, people & noise. I guess it was, for me, a few minutes of being autistically oversensitive to sensory stuff.

 

[Progster]

I recall after living for a year in the Cayman Islands in 1984 I came back to Miami to do some shopping. In those days the Caymans were kind of in outback status and had just opened their first "supermarket" which was always half empty and was small to begin with. When I walked into a supermarket in Miami, I was totally overwhelmed by the lights, all the visual stimuli, people & noise. I guess it was, for me, a few minutes of being autistically oversensitive to sensory stuff.

Yes, or when you walk into a supermarket at night, everything is always so bright and overwhelming.

 

[Sabrina]

Walmart is an issue. I dread it and only go when I have absolutely no other place to buy what I need.