What do people on the spectrum feel they have to offer?

[SortaNT]

In a romantic relationship, what's GOOD about being on the spectrum?

 

[Bolletje]

Every person on the spectrum is different, so that question doesn't really make sense.

 

[SortaNT]

Of course they are. I mean, so much time is spent on difficulties in relationships. Is there anyone here who thinks that being on the spectrum is a PLUS in relationships?

 

[Major Tom]

As far as myself, nothing.. It just makes every relationship I've ever had more difficult. With the exception of my wife, when things got tough I usually bailed without word or explanation, and never looked back. I cannot speak for others though.

 

[Progster]

Relationships can work, as long as the other person isn't too needy and respects your need for alone or down time, respects your need for your interests or stimming or the things that give you pleasure, and takes any sensory or social issues you may have seriously (big ask, I know)... in other words, accepts your autism.

 

[Bolletje]

@SortaNT I find that this specific topic irks me. To me it feels like you're implying that dating someone on the spectrum just has downsides and you're asking us to provide proof of the contrary. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

It's possible that I misunderstood your question, in which case I'd be interested to know what it is you are asking.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

From whose point of view?

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Nothing. We're all useless anti social idiots.



There I said it.

 

[OkRad]

I like this. It depends on the person. And the other. My others have been mixed only one was not ashamed to love me in public. In private he saw strengths. He was a good man but lost control over it all and I got hit a lot. I was seriously abused before him so he had a lot to bear. But my point is that he saw good and was not ashamed. Others have been ashamed. They secretly like quirky but don't want to be seen with it. I think my last almost thing was like that

 

[WereBear]

Is there anyone here who thinks that being on the spectrum is a PLUS in relationships?

As a cis-het woman on my second successful marriage (first one I was widowed) I can say I bring:

• Honesty. Especially if we come from a culture where someone is supposed to hint and manipulate to get their needs met. My clear statements of my wishes and boundaries were met with gratitude and joy. "Never have to read your mind again?" Happy First Husband said. "You will tell me if I screwed up rather than give me the silent treatment for weeks? Really?"
• Transparency. To me, it seems that we on the Spectrum have trouble "living a lie." We prefer to be straightforward about everything, instead of all the dancing around meaning NTs sometimes do. Good or bad, we like to know what the truth is, and talk about it. An NT who deals with us the same way will get understanding and compassion. State what you are thinking and feeling! It's an advantage on both sides!
• Interests. We like to talk about ideas so much. If you and I share an interest, it will be explored in all dimensions. That is a great way of getting, and keeping, a connection. With my first husband, it was computers, and with my second, it is art.
• Loyalty. To the absolute end. Treat us right, and we will want to be by your side.

 

[Judge]

In a romantic relationship, what's GOOD about being on the spectrum?

Knowing that at least one of us will absolutely, without fail make the bed when we're done.

Will that suffice?

Then again a sense of humor can't hurt either.

 

[fairy_girl]

Being honest and stopping any BS that people try to throw your way. Thinking out of the box isn't a bad thing, it keeps a relationship from being boring.

 

[Gritches]

In a word: Loyalty.

I can't speak for everyone else since we're all different, but if you just treat me right you'll have my undying loyalty until the day I die.

 

[Warmheart]

While no partner I’ve ever had has complained about my
honesty, strong sense of justice, unfailing loyalty, reliability, ability to be content with my own company, enthusiasm for what interests me, or my wholesome sense of wonder, nobody—especially someone with a social disability— should ever have to define their worth regarding their disability to a potential partner. We instead need to select partners who can perceive us with the same kind of positive light they hope we will view them and their issues with.

 

[Bolletje]

@Warmheart thank you for so eloquently stating how I feel about this subject.

 

[pax]

I was going to put in my 2c but everyone else has said it so eloquently.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

As a cis-het woman on my second successful marriage (first one I was widowed) I can say I bring:

• Honesty. Especially if we come from a culture where someone is supposed to hint and manipulate to get their needs met. My clear statements of my wishes and boundaries were met with gratitude and joy. "Never have to read your mind again?" Happy First Husband said. "You will tell me if I screwed up rather than give me the silent treatment for weeks? Really?"
• Transparency. To me, it seems that we on the Spectrum have trouble "living a lie." We prefer to be straightforward about everything, instead of all the dancing around meaning NTs sometimes do. Good or bad, we like to know what the truth is, and talk about it. An NT who deals with us the same way will get understanding and compassion. State what you are thinking and feeling! It's an advantage on both sides!
• Interests. We like to talk about ideas so much. If you and I share an interest, it will be explored in all dimensions. That is a great way of getting, and keeping, a connection. With my first husband, it was computers, and with my second, it is art.
• Loyalty. To the absolute end. Treat us right, and we will want to be by your side.

You seem to be consistently hitting a level of brilliance.
Now you just need to convert those 'winner' rankings into money.

Like a forum crypto currency, autism forums version of alchemy

'Winners' into gold

 

[Flammie91]

I would say stability perhaps, that is provided they are willing to help maintain that themselves, if they want it for that matter, I say this cause some may perceive it as boring I suppose, loyalty, sense of humor, a creative, out of the box perspective which is not based on social dogma, Im also kinda reserved sexually so I dont possess much baggage with regards to past lovers, but some might see this as a drawback. And just an all around approach which isnt postmodern in nature.

 

[Celestiune]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I've never had a relationship, much less a stable friendship so uh. Also people are saying loyalty, but tbh i cant relate.

 

[Lula1989]

As a cis-het woman on my second successful marriage (first one I was widowed) I can say I bring:

• Honesty. Especially if we come from a culture where someone is supposed to hint and manipulate to get their needs met. My clear statements of my wishes and boundaries were met with gratitude and joy. "Never have to read your mind again?" Happy First Husband said. "You will tell me if I screwed up rather than give me the silent treatment for weeks? Really?"
• Transparency. To me, it seems that we on the Spectrum have trouble "living a lie." We prefer to be straightforward about everything, instead of all the dancing around meaning NTs sometimes do. Good or bad, we like to know what the truth is, and talk about it. An NT who deals with us the same way will get understanding and compassion. State what you are thinking and feeling! It's an advantage on both sides!
• Interests. We like to talk about ideas so much. If you and I share an interest, it will be explored in all dimensions. That is a great way of getting, and keeping, a connection. With my first husband, it was computers, and with my second, it is art.
• Loyalty. To the absolute end. Treat us right, and we will want to be by your side.

I would 100% agree with this. Not just in my marriage, but my friendships and relationships at work. People seem to lean on me for advice during an emotional time, because it is easier for me to remove the emotions, to see both sides, and the logical middle ground.

This may just be me, but I think I have more on an intuition about people than NT's do. I can usually spot dead on if someone is good, or has ulterior motives. I can call these motives, and watch them come to light.