What characteristics does an AS try to find in a NT partner?

[Shalott]

I know it may sound a bit stupid considering we all have different preferences but as I have read, there can be certain usual characteristics an AS might feel attracted to.
I don't know, what is your opinion about it? I'm just curious.

 

[Tom]

This is a subject I can't speak for anyone else on. For me, the first that came to mind are not so much their characteristics, but how they deal with mine. It is a self centered concern, but has justification.

As an extreme analogy, imagine you have non-contagious hidden leprosy. In potential relationships how the other is going to react is a non-avoidable make or break issue. Its hard not to wonder/worry what the other will think once they find out. I don't mean to compare ASD to Leprosy in the sense that Leprosy is a disease and ASD is not, and also there can be positive effects with ASD. I mean in the sense of it carrying a stigma and sometimes prejudices.

So what I looked for was a person that likes me to begin with, but also has good understanding and broad acceptance, and someone willing to take the time to deepen it and go down that sometimes difficult road. On my part it is a given I will go down there road to understand them. On positive side one affect of being considered strange or weird is that you can be a lot more empathetic/accepting of others in that boat. The NT may have their own skeletons in the closest or issues, even severe ones. But its not like a big deal. Don't we all?

After that I think it follows a fairly typical path in what I look for, probably the same or similar as NTs.

1) Natural attraction. Finding the person physically appealing, chemistry, hormones, all that good stuff.
2) A mind that is on a similar plane and is interesting.
3) Emotional compatibility. That you can meet the persons needs and have yours met.

 

[AsheSkyler]

The first thing I look for is if they're drunk, high, horny, too old, too young, or a combination of each. If they pass the first test, then I just see if we're compatible and if our interests align or compliment each other.

 

[qwerty]

I always look for kindness, an open and intelligent mind and a love of art or music, poetry, philosophy and talking s*£t about the banal, like someone that makes even the most boring and familiar things in life full of mystery and magic and makes you really be in the moment. Apart from that I think Tom summed it up.

 

[Shalott]

Interesting.
I can see the factor "open-minded" as crucial, together with comprehension. Otherwise, the moment any attitude of the SA frustrates the NP for some reason there would come the problem.
Seems very reasonable you look for these things in a partner because (as you mention) you know your way of being may drive people a bit mad from time to time. And it isn't something you can change, all you can do is try to find possible solutions for possible situations.

I think another important feature is the NP respecting personal space. There are those who don't conceive the idea of personal space in a relationship.

 

[On the Inside]

I have always been attracted to a wide variety of people, but thinking about the two relationships I've had, there doesn't seem to be a trend in characteristics other than that they showed an interest in me and did a fair bit of the work in getting together. Maybe dark hair, too, (though that might have been a coincidence and wouldn't rule out anyone).

And since I've learned that I have AS, I can see that I likely stuck with my partners, subconsciously or not, to compensate for two of my biggest weaknesses; social life and organization. I think my reliance upon them in those areas were also a big part of the strain within the relationship.

If I find myself in the position to want/need another relationship, I will have to seriously consider what it is I want out of a partner. Up to this point, I haven't given it enough thought, with difficult consequences. Mostly I've just gone along with it.