What can I say to my self from 20 years ago?

[Markness]

I often get flashbacks to my past self when I was 17 and sad I didn’t have a girlfriend while most of the other guys at school did. I wish I could tell him things will get better and that he won’t live the rest of his life alone but I am still struggling with many of the same issues even 20 years later. What can I say to the person I was before?

 

[AuAL]

What would you tell him that might change things for you now? Or what could he tell you that would change things for you now? Isn’t the person you could be tomorrow the most important to consider? You can change who that person will be. One day at a time. Why not imagine what you, twenty years from now, would thank you for?

 

[lunarious]

..You can't change the past, but you can change The Future.

@tree told me how non-tiger you are, being gentle, and that might be good though. It's good to be gentle. You don't have to be violent. Being violent and sexual is technically same.

PS: What's the difference between gentle and genteel?

Edit: Le garcon est tres genteel

 

[Hypnalis]

<..> I wish I could tell him things will get better<...>. What can I say to the person I was before?

You should tell him how to set realistic medium- and long-term objectives, and how to develop himself into a person that can achieve those objectives.

The highlighted part of the quote is the wrong thing to tell (almost) anyone, but especially a teenager who doesn't fit perfectly into the NT world.

The sooner people stop waiting for things to happen to them, and instead start working towards reasonable goals, the better.

BTW: Asking for general advice implies you understand that nothing in a human domain is 100% correct.
If you don't like what I said that's fine, but don't hide behind "one in a thousand" exceptions.

Dale Carnegie was right too - but "positive thinking" is a way to remove internal constraints.

People without goals, just "blowing in the wind", don't really have constraints of that sort.
You can't be lost of you don't know where you want to go.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I don't know about the rest of you, but I am in a constant state of change with my knowledge, beliefs, philosophies, wisdom, and spirituality. I actually like the fact that I am not the same person I was... even a few weeks ago. I would like to believe I am a better person now than I once was. Every once in a while, I will read a post I made some 1 or 2 years ago on here... and I've modified my position on a few of them. That's where I was... and this is me now.

Had I the knowledge, beliefs, wisdom, etc. I have now, some 20, 30, 40 years ago, I know I would be in a different situation now. Unfortunately, and fortunately, that's not how life works... at least for us mortal human beings bound to this physical world. I don't give it much thought. I use my experiences to gain wisdom... not to ruminate.

I was and am a very goal-oriented person. I wake up with a purpose and something to accomplish each day. It has served me well. I whole-heartedly agree with what @Hypnalis suggested above.

 

[velociraptor]

What can I say to the person I was before?

Nothing, unless you have a DeLorean and you punked a bunch of Libyans. Life flows past us like a river and we can never enter the water itself in the same place twice. Better to speak to yourself in the present, remind yourself that you are of worth, that your travels have meaning, and that there is still a great journey ahead of you. Jump into the water in the river that is in front of you today because it is gone tomorrow.

 

[Markness]

I attended a “jump start” event at the gaming store I’ve mentioned before. It was mostly men there. A few guys had girlfriends with them; one even kissed her boyfriend’s cheek in plain sight. It goes to show how wrong my parents were in telling me how I was supposed to go about getting a girlfriend but I am still single despite my efforts to put myself out in public.

My younger self didn’t know why he was single despite wanting a girlfriend and I still struggle as an adult.

 

[Thumrait]

I often get flashbacks to my past self when I was 17 and sad I didn’t have a girlfriend while most of the other guys at school did. I wish I could tell him things will get better and that he won’t live the rest of his life alone but I am still struggling with many of the same issues even 20 years later. What can I say to the person I was befo

I think about that sometimes, could I have fixed myself if I went back in time. I think...no. I was so messed up when I was a kid, even if a person told me how to fix myself, I still wouldn't be able to do it.

 

[VictorR]

I can't tell you what you might tell your 20-years-ago-self - that's for you to determine.

What I would tell my 20-years-ago self would probably be something like:

* There are some things you see in your future that won't be there, or even close
* There are things in your future that you wouldn't have dreamed of
* There will be good times, and challenging times
* There are folks with whom your encounters will be limited, but whom have significant impact
* Nothing is forever, things change
* Mistakes will be made, nothing is perfect
* Not everything is as it seems
* Every step you take is part of your journey, and as you go along, those steps will help you will better understand who you are

 

[lunarious]

...
* Every step you take is part of your journey, and as you go along, those steps will help you will better understand who you are

Great thanks.

It is repeated throughout my life that i must control myself before i try to control others. First, that's kind. Also True. And it keeps me off of danger.

 

[JayLapointe]

I would have told me from 20 years ago to invest the settlement money. Always regretting not being mature enough when I got money in a lawsuit from a vehicle accident. I was 23 going through ptsd and a big cheque was not what I needed. Therapy and investment is where the money should have gone. Not do trivial pursuits and self medication for mental issues that were apparent to everyone else but me at the time.

But that is wishful thinking and nothing will change the past. Best I can do is learn from it, which I have, and make what I think are better decisions moving forward.