What are conversations like for you?

[elements]

With strangers or acquaintances how well do you manage?
What are your main struggles with communication?

I have a difficult time maneuvering the conversation to something, i always seem to annoy people or make them really confused by me.
I would like to have incredibly deep conversations about concepts,ideas,or theories or extremely superficial ones because im scared to share myself. Shrugs dunno whats wrong with me. Cant be fake and crap as well as the mainstream.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

With strangers or acquaintances how well do you manage?
What are your main struggles with communication?

I have a difficult time maneuvering the conversation to something, i always seem to annoy people or make them really confused by me.
I would like to have incredibly deep conversations about concepts,ideas,or theories or extremely superficial ones because im scared to share myself. Shrugs dunno whats wrong with me. Cant be fake and crap as well as the mainstream.

What about conversations you have with people you know very well and with whom you feel comfortable (friends, family, maybe co-workers)? Are those any better than the ones you have with strangers or mere acquaintances?

 

[Marcus]

Example with a stranger: Them: "Hello." Me: *Stands there awkwardly wondering what to do.*

I'm not much for talking with strangers, and acquaintances are rarely ever interested in what I have to say, so.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

Example with a stranger: Them: "Hello." Me: *Stands there awkwardly wondering what to do.*

I'm not much for talking with strangers, and acquaintances are rarely ever interested in what I have to say, so.

What if the conversation began with them asking, "do you like Star Wars?" Would you respond better?

 

[Marcus]

@Beguiling Orbit Yes.. without a doubt. I'd probably say something like "Does the Death Star destroy entire planets? OF COURSE I LIKE STAR WARS!"

I'm sure a lot of people will be cringing while they read that, but it's honestly something I would say.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

@Beguiling Orbit Yes.. without a doubt. I'd probably say something like "Does the Death Star destroy entire planets? OF COURSE I LIKE STAR WARS!"

I'm sure a lot of people will be cringing while they read that, but it's honestly something I would say.

That's what I thought. Maybe you could have a t-shirt made up that reads "Ask Me How the Death Star Destroys Entire Planets." Great conversation starter!

 

[onlything]

With strangers or acquaintances how well do you manage?
What are your main struggles with communication?

I have a difficult time maneuvering the conversation to something, i always seem to annoy people or make them really confused by me.
I would like to have incredibly deep conversations about concepts,ideas,or theories or extremely superficial ones because im scared to share myself. Shrugs dunno whats wrong with me. Cant be fake and crap as well as the mainstream.

Well, I have learnt how to answe most questions used for small talk, especially in my workplace. However, I'm completely at loss when it comes to some unexpected topics, so I end up staying quiet a lot, since I tend to say in these situations some really stupid things.

I really want some interesting conversations on ideas, designs, projects, even religion and politics but people rarely seem inclined to these and if even then they become so easily offended with straight facts... Easier not to be shouted at because you said something they didn't like. Kind of better with a part of my family, since it's just listening to their complains or watching movies.

(And honestly, most people I met so far in real life were simply boring.)

 

[thatmattattack]

With strangers or acquaintances how well do you manage?
What are your main struggles with communication?

I have a difficult time maneuvering the conversation to something, i always seem to annoy people or make them really confused by me.
I would like to have incredibly deep conversations about concepts,ideas,or theories or extremely superficial ones because im scared to share myself. Shrugs dunno whats wrong with me. Cant be fake and crap as well as the mainstream.

I've been able to learn how to have what appear as "normal" or "typical" conversations with strangers or acquaintances, but if anyone looks close enough or if anyone I'm talking to wants to venture further into a topic (and thus, take a turn that I was definitely not expecting) then it becomes fairly obvious that I'm only able to have effective conversations with strangers or acquaintances when they're completely superficial.

I began to learn this after discovering that when people pass other people on the street or a hallway and say, "Hey! How's it going?" or "Hi! What's up?" that they're asking for a canned response and not someone's life story up to that moment.

In other words, I've been steadily crafting lines of well-practiced dialogues and monologues since I was about 16 or 17. This has enabled me to have mostly pain-free experiences when checking in for an appointment at the doctor's office, purchasing movie tickets or food, and other things of that nature.

What it doesn't help, though, is when I'm forced to be around that same person for longer than approximately five minutes because I quickly run out of material and struggle with what is appropriate to talk about, when it's my turn to speak, when I might be boring someone but they're trying to be polite (or maybe even not so polite) about it, and how to get across information that's potentially important or imminent.

The above becomes super apparent whenever I start a new job or, in the past, whenever I began a new course at university. Group work was and is a nightmare because I can't predict what someone is going to say and that means I have to process what they do say and say something efficient in response in a time frame that is almost always too fast for me.

It's different with people in my life who are not strangers or acquaintances because I've been around them more and begin to pick up on their usual responses and reactions, but humanity is perpetually random and unpredictable so it's not an exact science.

 

[Beverly Kamin]

When I was younger, I used to have such a hard time going up and talking to people. I have gained a lot more confidence now with interactions, though I'm sometimes nervous about making a positive first impression. It does depend on who I am talking to though.

With strangers or acquaintances how well do you manage?
What are your main struggles with communication?

I have a difficult time maneuvering the conversation to something, i always seem to annoy people or make them really confused by me.
I would like to have incredibly deep conversations about concepts,ideas,or theories or extremely superficial ones because im scared to share myself. Shrugs dunno whats wrong with me. Cant be fake and crap as well as the mainstream.

i was

 

[Suzanne]

It all depends on the setting for me.

What I find very hard to do is how to start a conversation and resort to small talk, because I am floundering and if the other person does not get involved, I then have to mutter an excuse to escape. But if they do join in, then my brain unfreezes.

There are two females who I can bounce right into a deep conversation with, but then there is the stopping me from over talking.

My husband is an nt and is dreadful with conversations. He gets bored when I talk about one of my favourite subjects: our bodies. He even says: not this again and and: all I need to do is say: ask Suzanne and she will explain.

I am a deep person and can easily get carried away with deep conversations.

 

[Progster]

If the conversation has a 'canned' response or relies on scripts and has a specific purpose, then It's ok - things like going to the supermarket where the interaction has a specific purpose, or basic politeness such as greeting people, saying thank you which rely on scripts are no problem, but knowing what to say to carry on the conversation is difficult because I'm never sure what to say. I feel that everything I say need to have a purpose, and that is the problem with small talk, it seems to me to have no purpose. Interaction with my students while teaching is something I have learned to do well, it is business and not social, and it has a purpose, so that's ok, too. I rarely speak or interact with others just for the sake of it, without reason.

 

[elements]

Thank you everyone for your replies! Glad im not alone in this.
I also find small talk difficult and can only sometimes manage it, but alot of the time its simply me blankly staring at them with utterances of " Okay". I have a feeling people think im a retard because of this, sadly this might be the case.

 

[Theta.G]

Small talk... i just can't utilize it. Studied it... know what to do... just can't. But it's the way most people connect. I understand why people do it, it's the segway to connection. the bridge between the gap.
Hi, how are you ? good you? good. That's about as far as i can get with it lol don't want to hear a 15 minute rambling on how somebodies day was if there is no real connection or shared interest. Which is a paradox because i know there are people i wouldn't mind small talk with if we already had a bond or trust, but since the bonds are generally formed from small talk first... it cancels out the potential.

To be interested in someone have to get to know them first and the way to do that is through small talk... yet, it's the disinterest that prevents small talk . It sucks

Edit: will add that when i use to drink this was much easier to do. (With familiar people) It released those inhibitions but also released other things that were suppressed. sometimes making a heavily drunken state a wild card on what will surface.

 

[Nightingale121]

If the conversation has a 'canned' response or relies on scripts and has a specific purpose, then It's ok - things like going to the supermarket where the interaction has a specific purpose, or basic politeness such as greeting people, saying thank you which rely on scripts are no problem, but knowing what to say to carry on the conversation is difficult because I'm never sure what to say.

I agree with this.
It's just the same every time, so I can re-use the appropriate script from my "data base". Also, in some cases the scripts can be mixed in a way to build a new one for a new situation. I usually prepare for scripted interactions by mentally going through the script of what I need to say. This also helps me not to forget an important point and to explain things better. But that's already more complex than the simple "supermarket script". I rather use this technique if I need to ask for something, for example.

What it doesn't help, though, is when I'm forced to be around that same person for longer than approximately five minutes because I quickly run out of material and struggle with what is appropriate to talk about, when it's my turn to speak, when I might be boring someone but they're trying to be polite (or maybe even not so polite) about it, and how to get across information that's potentially important or imminent.

This also happens to me.
After the first few minutes that can be done by scripting I often start to be very quiet because I don't know what to say anymore. I usually rely on the other person to say something or ask questions then, so I have something to comment on.
However, this isn't a perfect solution either because it's still possible to answer inappropriately or not to know what to comment on the other person's conversation starter.

The above becomes super apparent whenever I start a new job or, in the past, whenever I began a new course at university. Group work was and is a nightmare because I can't predict what someone is going to say and that means I have to process what they do say and say something efficient in response in a time frame that is almost always too fast for me.

I don't like group work either, but it helps that it usually is about a specific topic. So if I am familiar with the topic, it'll be easier for me to handle the group work because although the particular comments cannot be predicted I have a base to work from and use my knowledge in the conversation.
There is another problem with group work for me though: Some people tend to not only talk about the actual topic but include some small talk in between too. As soon as the conversation deviates from the topic of work the difficulties increase because then it's way more unpredictable and kind of random to me. This also applies to other conversations at the work place in general for me. Talking about the work is okay, small talk is more difficult.
I think this is also related to what @Progster mentioned:

I feel that everything I say need to have a purpose, and that is the problem with small talk, it seems to me to have no purpose. Interaction with my students while teaching is something I have learned to do well, it is business and not social, and it has a purpose, so that's ok, too. I rarely speak or interact with others just for the sake of it, without reason.

The conversation about the work itself has a purpose: To get the work done and to talk about the specific topic, to find solutions for problems etc.
But the small talk in between doesn't have to do with the project and so there is no purpose.

It's different with people in my life who are not strangers or acquaintances because I've been around them more and begin to pick up on their usual responses and reactions, but humanity is perpetually random and unpredictable so it's not an exact science.

I do this too, but as you said it's not an exact science. It gets better after a while, but even with people I basically know all my life I still mess up occasionally.

 

[Mr Allen]

Depends who is talking and the subject, if someone is talking about a certain topic and I have no idea what they're on about, I just look at them blankly and think "WTF is he/she on about?"

 

[Bella Pines]

I accept that in 80% of the cases, I won't be able to manoeuvre the conversation onto anything remotely interesting and so I turn on "nodding dog mode" where I try to switch off all cognitive function and talk about the weather and anticipate what questions they want me to ask, ask them and try not to fall asleep when they respond.

It sounds deathly dull, but just once in a while, after we've settled in, one of them will say something interesting. Then I can start to really talk.

 

[tducey]

I have found I get lost in conversation quite a bit. I'm good at one on one conversation but never good in a group conversation.

 

[Daniel_Powers]

Conversations go both ways for me. Most times it doesn't last more than a few words and others it goes well. Met a guy at the gym who is in the navy and I only asked if he was because I have a friend who is in the navy so I had something to talk to the guy about. I spent about 3 minutes talking to him.

Girls are another species alltogether!

 

[tlc]

For something simple I've got enough oomph for a few lines but that's about it. I never know if someone really wants to talk or just says hi how you doing to be nice. When there's others to live up to in the conversation, my part doesn't go well. Even if I know exactly what I'm talking about, a bunch of little kid words come out to describe things that have real names. Or random mixed up pieces of something that's supposed to be a chronological timeline. If I could puke my words onto the desk and edit them into something useful, it would be so much easier and I would actually make sense. All for something that's just a normal answer to a question for an NT.

When I was a kid my dad always used to tell me to keep quiet because nobody likes a know it all. Joke about your shortcomings instead. Probably meant well but I think it may have done more harm than good.

 

[Mark Smith]

I get really anxious when strangers attempt to have conservations with me. I’ll usually just give short answers and attempt to end the conservation as quickly as possible.