Hello there. I'm writing to you all from Poland, sadly we don't have any decent forums on this matter, so I decided to go a little worldwide. Forgive me for any mistakes, as I'm pretty tired after whole day of working.
I soon will be 21 and whole my life I've been looking for an answer to - maybe not "Who am I?" exactly - but more like a "What is wrong with me?", because I cannot hide the fact that my way of processing the world is a bit different. From age 11 to 17 I've had like five psychiatrists, I went to each one of them on my own demand. Since early childhood I had - due to my neurotic family and rather traumatic experiences with other people - severe problems with panic attacks, general anxiety, my self-esteem, childhood depression, obsessive thoughts etc, my meds even caused me something like a manic episode which made my do some terrible stuff for a year and a half. I do not take any since two years and it's actually better for me. Let's say I got it under control now, yet there are still some parts of me that I do not understand.
My way of functioning is very weird. I've finished high school (I was great at languages, yet so bad at Maths and Chemistry it nearly made me repeat my last school year and I cannot pass my matura exam) and it is work and driving licence course that showed me I really do have trouble with learning. I'm unnaturally slow and flegmatic, lack of spatial imagination, body movement coordination (I wasn't able to learn playing sports, musical instruments, I also cannot dance in pairs, I really can't), especially in comparison to others. I'm also clumsy and tense. I'm a sales assistant and it took me three months to get it right, though it still happens that i get so lost. My driving is a disaster, for now there's no way I could trust myself on this matter. My instructor has told me I have ADHD and my way towards getting the licence will be loooong.
It makes me so frustrated to be always so slow, especially that my ambitions are pretty wild.
I'm highly sensitive to other people's emotions. I'm needy and lacking of physical touch (don't mean sex exactly, that's not the same), I'm not good with speeches, my way of speaking is weird, stiff and chaotic. I generally appear very cold and distant, though my moves may sometimes appear comical to others.
The biggest trouble I have is is with other people, communication in general. I don't get people, I'm just great at cutting them off and isolating myself due to what I would describe as information and misunderstanding overdose. I often feel like it's all too much, I don't get it and need to run away. I talk much about other people about other people and it's often not because I'm two faced but really need someone to make some things clearer to me. I'm very authentic in what I do, very serious, like someone may say that he wants to be done with this or that person, but he hangs out with him or her the very next day, while I would just stop seeing them forever. What I say makes me embarrased very often and if i could, i would stop speaking.
I could say more and more , but that'll be too long. I'm also afraid of a disease called Ataxia, my grandmother has it.
What do you think?
I soon will be 21 and whole my life I've been looking for an answer to - maybe not "Who am I?" exactly - but more like a "What is wrong with me?", because I cannot hide the fact that my way of processing the world is a bit different. From age 11 to 17 I've had like five psychiatrists, I went to each one of them on my own demand. Since early childhood I had - due to my neurotic family and rather traumatic experiences with other people - severe problems with panic attacks, general anxiety, my self-esteem, childhood depression, obsessive thoughts etc, my meds even caused me something like a manic episode which made my do some terrible stuff for a year and a half. I do not take any since two years and it's actually better for me. Let's say I got it under control now, yet there are still some parts of me that I do not understand.
My way of functioning is very weird. I've finished high school (I was great at languages, yet so bad at Maths and Chemistry it nearly made me repeat my last school year and I cannot pass my matura exam) and it is work and driving licence course that showed me I really do have trouble with learning. I'm unnaturally slow and flegmatic, lack of spatial imagination, body movement coordination (I wasn't able to learn playing sports, musical instruments, I also cannot dance in pairs, I really can't), especially in comparison to others. I'm also clumsy and tense. I'm a sales assistant and it took me three months to get it right, though it still happens that i get so lost. My driving is a disaster, for now there's no way I could trust myself on this matter. My instructor has told me I have ADHD and my way towards getting the licence will be loooong.
It makes me so frustrated to be always so slow, especially that my ambitions are pretty wild.
I'm highly sensitive to other people's emotions. I'm needy and lacking of physical touch (don't mean sex exactly, that's not the same), I'm not good with speeches, my way of speaking is weird, stiff and chaotic. I generally appear very cold and distant, though my moves may sometimes appear comical to others.
The biggest trouble I have is is with other people, communication in general. I don't get people, I'm just great at cutting them off and isolating myself due to what I would describe as information and misunderstanding overdose. I often feel like it's all too much, I don't get it and need to run away. I talk much about other people about other people and it's often not because I'm two faced but really need someone to make some things clearer to me. I'm very authentic in what I do, very serious, like someone may say that he wants to be done with this or that person, but he hangs out with him or her the very next day, while I would just stop seeing them forever. What I say makes me embarrased very often and if i could, i would stop speaking.
I could say more and more , but that'll be too long. I'm also afraid of a disease called Ataxia, my grandmother has it.
What do you think?
