Ways you've felt opposite to others on the spectrum?

[55853]

Hi, I'm new and I haven't introduced myself. I may do later, but for now, I'd just like to ask this.

Firstly, what I mean by this. I'm not talking about stereotypes/misconceptions of autism spectrum conditions here, I'm talking about real people, on- or offline. I'm also not doubting my diagnosis, or the diagnosis of others, or trying to insult anyone. I know there's huge variation within the spectrum, which is what I'd like to hear from others about.

Through reading/watching/listening about autism spectrum conditions, and from interacting with others with autism spectrum conditions, I've noticed ways I'm completely the opposite to others also on the spectrum. I decided to make note of these, which I'll now share. It'd be interesting to hear what ways you've felt opposite to others with autism spectrum conditions.

Note: by "others", I'm not sure what a better way of wording it would be, but I mean how I am one way and at least one person on the spectrum has been an opposite way. This is what I mean by "others" in all of the below. I don't mean "all other people" or anything along those lines.

1. Speech. There are a number of ways I've felt opposite in terms of speech:
   1. Loudness. I am, and always have been, very quiet. Others are, and always have been, loud.
   2. Talkativeness. I've never really spoke much, instead doing a lot of listening. Others are almost always speaking, doing less listening.
   3. Sociability. I've never actively sought out social interaction. Others seem more prone to getting lonely and wanting friends.
   4. Use of language. I've never had a very large vocabulary (probably about average), and so I've found some posts online from others (who have a very, very large vocabulary and use it) very difficult to read, taking a lot of time, looking up words, and rereading.
   5. Topics of conversation. I've never been interested in sharing my interests with others, preferring to hear about the other person, whereas others will share their interests any time they get chance.
2. Emotions. I feel them less than average. I've seen online how others talk about how deeply they feel their emotions. I also didn't get in trouble at school (in general, but in this case, for misbehaving), which from what I understand is from emotional issues.
3. Imagination. I've never had any, never had any interest in fiction, always had technical/factual interests, not been at all creative, etc. Others have active imaginations, were/are very into fiction, had/have imaginary worlds, and are creative, being interested in the arts, etc.
4. Coordination. I've never had any problems with coordination. Others do, for example being clumsy and having spatial problems.
5. Organisation. I've always been well organised. Others really struggle with organisation and are disorganised.
6. Routines/flexibility. I do the same things at the same time by default, but I can change this. Others with routines are unable/really struggle to cope with changes to their routine.
7. Blending in. I make every effort to not stand out. Others have always known they were different and like to stand out, being who they are.
8. Getting others to believe they are on the spectrum. Nobody I've told (which isn't many) has ever doubted/questioned this, whereas others talk about how people will just not believe they are and will challenge them over it.

That's what I've made a note of so far. If you've felt opposite in a way not related to anything I've listed, that'd be interesting and I'd like to see that - it could increase my knowledge of ASD and myself. If you're the opposite to me in any way, that'd be interesting to hear things from your perspective. If you're somewhere in the middle, it'd be interesting to hear from you too, because for some of these I'm trying to get more towards the middle. If you're like me in any way, I'd also like to hear that - there are some things I'm trying to sort out and someone similar could be someone to learn from.

I'm trying to learn, so I hope this doesn't come off as too invasive or anything negative.

 

[Gritches]

With everything you listed, I disagree with some and agree with others. I hope you stay around, because this is a great place to "compare notes" on being Aspie. What fascinates me most about Aspies is how different we are, even/especially from one another, while still sharing a lot of traits.

If you're really looking to learn about yourself, you've come to the right place to do it.

 

[55853]

With everything you listed, I disagree with some and agree with others.

If you don't mind me asking, which ones are which?

What fascinates me most about Aspies is how different we are, even/especially from one another, while still sharing a lot of traits.

I agree - it's interesting how people who seem opposites have the same condition.

 

[kay]

Like you I tend to be quiet, I used to be called Squeak and Mouse. The differences I notice most between me and other aspies are the same differences I find between me and most NTs. My odd sense of humor is one thing, and then there are my Luddite tendencies and lack of knowledge/interest in a lot of pop culture such as movies and video/computer, role playing games. I don't do cons or cosplay either. That, more than aspie stuff, seems to limit me socially because aspies enjoy all those things at a rate similar (and who knows, higher?)than NTs. The autism thing may have given me eye contact in a different amount and pattern to NT's, more intense enthusiasm about an interest, clumsiness, sensory problems, timing like a 35 record instead of every body else's 75, but my most distinctive difference to me is just being odd. Fortunately I ran across an NT incredibly similar to me. He has no aspie traits but we share humor, Luddite tendencies, and lack pop culture interest. We share religious(or rather non-religious) views, political views, similar travel interest and style enough to work travel plans out, and even plenty of overlap in our sense of aesthetics. So no matter how similar or not my autistic traits are to others on the spectrum it is personality difference that I notice the most. The "Spectrum" has less influence on personality than might be expected. I can look at my family and see that. We are all so terribly different that most of the time we just don't quite know what to do with each other I think. Sorry, as I look over the above it looks a bit disjointed and not pieced together as well as I would like. I've been to the grocery store today.

 

[Gritches]

Sure. Gonna steal your format for this:

1. Speech.:
   1. Loudness. I used to be quiet before I got some self-confidence installed. Now I'm loud. I think. I know I have volume control issues, like I have no idea if I'm being too loud or too quiet.
      
   2. Talkativeness. I realize my tendency to want to talk all the time, so I rein it in and make sure I'm taking turns and not being too long-winded. But my natural tendency is to talk a lot; I used to be the opposite, selectively mute until I was 19. Making up for lost time I guess.
      
   3. Sociability. I don't get lonely because I use people to get my social fix whenever I want it. I can engage with NTs in a 2-hour conversation, I just don't want to do that all the time.
      
   4. Use of language. Large vocabulary, but I don't use it because it's not an effective way to communicate. If your audience has to google words you use, you might look smart but your message will get lost in translation.
      
   5. Topics of conversation. I usually don't start with it unless someone gets me started and I get excited about it. I know people don't want to hear about it, so I don't force it on them.
2. Emotions. I felt them strongly as a kid, and it got me in trouble until I was so screwed up that I didn't feel anything anymore, ever. Then I repaired myself a bit, learned how to be happy, and the emotions are back in a healthy measure.
   
3. Imagination. I suck at art, I have zero patience for fiction, and I'm generally more grounded in reality than obsessed with fantasy. So I'm kinda with you there.
   
4. Coordination. I find that I actually have pretty good coordination, as long as my hands are free. I figured that out because one day I was walking with my hands full and I about tipped over, and I reasoned it was because I didn't have my hands to balance myself. So it's precarious.
   
5. Organisation. Anywhere I've been looks like a football team just occupied that space for a week. I'm incredibly disorganized, but organized at the same time, because I know exactly where everything I own is, i.e. I know which pile to dig in. If that makes sense.
   
6. Routines/flexibility. I can be flexible, but when I have to be it screws with me. As a general practice, I preserve my routine at all costs because I know my attitude will be that it's fine for my routine to be interrupted but I know I'll be thrown off later and have to deal with those consequences. So preserving my routine is sort of a preventative measure.
   
7. Blending in. I also make every effort not to stand out. If you want to be seen as a freak, act like a freak. Social skills aren't hard on the intellectual level, it's just about knowing the difference between how you'd act in a bar and how you'd act in church.
   
8. Getting others to believe they are on the spectrum. I know a few people who are obviously autistic, but I don't tell them. I can't think of a polite way to say "hey, you know you're autistic, right?"

Not too invasive. Nothing I haven't said before.

 

[SunnyDay16]

I agree that the one great thing about the Aspie community is that we are all so diverse in our personalities and how we deal with things, but also deal with many similar things at the same time, so we can relate to each other's experiences. Like many others, I'm also pretty quiet. I am more of an observer and listener than a talker. I will of course talk when talked to, but I don't really seek it out if I don't have a reason. My social skills have greatly improved over the past few years, but I still am deep down the quiet introverted person I always was, which isn't a bad thing.

I'm into organization and routines too. I like for things to be organized and together. If my routine gets interrupted I can deal with it but I don't like it.

 

[Celestiune]

I've never had a meltdown, i have no sensory issues other than maybe needles and loud popping noises (which are like normal things so maybe its not an aspie thing idk lol). I sometimes like change sometimes I don't, I have no schedule. I've never had a special interest, i've always changed what im currently obsessed with and have 20,000,000 hobbies.

You know seeing you describe all of your symptoms make me hella jealous y'know, you sound think you're doing well in life (especially the whole quiet, introverted, emotionless demeanor you have going on, wish i had it)

 

[WildCat]

Except for the organization part - maybe, because when I get down to business I GET organized - this sounds more or less like a description of myself.

 

[55853]

odd sense of humor is one thing

I'm trying to work mine out - I seem to find just about anything funny.

lack of knowledge/interest in a lot of pop culture such as movies and video/computer, role playing games. I don't do cons or cosplay either

Me too. I'm probably more up to date in pop culture, though, as I listen to pop music on the radio and have some knowledge on the current TV series. I really don't know anything about stereotypical nerdy/geeky (difference?) interests, though.

Sorry, as I look over the above it looks a bit disjointed and not pieced together as well as I would like

No worries, sorry for replying so late, and thanks for sharing.

 

[55853]

I have no idea if I'm being too loud or too quiet

Interesting. A lot of the time I'm aware of it, I just struggle to raise my voice.

If that makes sense

It does, don't worry.

I know I'll be thrown off later

What do you mean by this - how will it throw you off? Sorry if I'm asking too much.

Not too invasive. Nothing I haven't said before.

I'm glad to hear that, thanks for commenting.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I would see these articles like "Autistic guy draws incredibly realistic drawings" and think, "Well, that's not me, because I have no visual or artistic ability." My brain is entirely formatted for text.

And I saw a documentary on an autistic boy who explained that he doesn't like to look at faces because "his brain takes a thousand pictures a second of every face he sees." Again, I thought, that can't be me, because I can look at a face and forget it before I blink.

Or the stereotype that aspies have difficulty communicating. I thought, "I am great at communicating, I write technical documents and tutorials, and I adapt my vocabulary to the capacity of whomever I'm speaking to." (Then my wife pointed out that, when we met 23 years ago, I took several minutes to answer even the simplest question. So, I was wrong two ways on this topic)

Those stereotypes threw me off the trail until a counselor told me I was autistic. For me, this reinforces two truths:
1) I can't rely on the stereotypes.
2) Getting a professional opinion is better than me self-diagnosing.

 

[WildCat]

@55853 are any of the traits you listed a problem for you? What are you trying to fix, if anything?

Seems like you're doing fine to me, but if you're looking to change things up then you might find some valuable advice from others here on this forum.

 

[55853]

I agree that the one great thing about the Aspie community is that we are all so diverse in our personalities and how we deal with things, but also deal with many similar things at the same time, so we can relate to each other's experiences. Like many others, I'm also pretty quiet. I am more of an observer and listener than a talker. I will of course talk when talked to, but I don't really seek it out if I don't have a reason. My social skills have greatly improved over the past few years, but I still am deep down the quiet introverted person I always was, which isn't a bad thing.

I'm into organization and routines too. I like for things to be organized and together. If my routine gets interrupted I can deal with it but I don't like it.

I can relate a lot to this, thank you for sharing.

I've never had a meltdown

I don't think I get them either.

i have no sensory issues

I do, unfortunately, but I'm at least aware of them now.

I've never had a special interest, i've always changed what im currently obsessed with and have 20,000,000 hobbies

My interests change, but I tend to have one at once, I think - I'm not completely sure, since I don't really notice what I'm doing. I'm hoping to be more aware of this.

You know seeing you describe all of your symptoms make me hella jealous y'know, you sound think you're doing well in life (especially the whole quiet, introverted, emotionless demeanor you have going on, wish i had it)

I'd like to think I am doing well, but I do have problems, I just haven't posted about them yet - probably will begin to share at some point.

Except for the organization part - maybe, because when I get down to business I GET organized - this sounds more or less like a description of myself.

As with everyone else, thanks for commenting. I'm definitely likely to stick around and come read this forum when I get the chance.

 

[55853]

artistic ability

Me neither, I have none.

And I saw a documentary on an autistic boy who explained that he doesn't like to look at faces because "his brain takes a thousand pictures a second of every face he sees." Again, I thought, that can't be me, because I can look at a face and forget it before I blink.

I can be completely oblivious that someone being interviewed on the TV is an actor in a TV series I have seen, but I'm not sure if that's from not looking at people's faces enough, which I'm trying to do more now I'm aware of it.

Or the stereotype that aspies have difficulty communicating

Is this really a stereotype? I thought that in different ways, we all have communication problems.

@55853 are any of the traits you listed a problem for you? What are you trying to fix, if anything?.

Yes. In general, I'm trying to fix the stuff listed under "speech", more or less. Particularly contributing more, being more open, and being less isolated. There's also more specific things I'm having a problem with, which'll be a post for another day, I think.

Seems like you're doing fine to me, but if you're looking to change things up then you might find some valuable advice from others here on this forum.

I hope so, and seeing ways people here are similar makes me think that people could have sorted/be working on similar problems.

 

[WereBear]

With your format:

1. Speech.
   1. Loudness. When I get exited, that is when I get loud.
   2. Talkativeness. I can social like a champ, and with people I know and like, it's much easier than with strangers.
   3. Sociability. On a 17 year marriage and have friends stretching back for years.
   4. Use of language. Huge vocab, love to read, a writer myself.
   5. Topics of conversation. Shared interests, which can be the lives of others.
2. Emotions. I feel them MORE than average.
3. Imagination. Metric tons. Also, a novelist.
4. Coordination. My ironic nickname is "Grace."
5. Organisation. It depends. If it is electronically based, I'm fantastic. I can write code which is extremely fussy. But my closets tend to be disaster areas.
6. Routines/flexibility. I'm fine with change about most things, but I do like to know where we are going and when we will get there.
7. Blending in. No one had a clue about me being on the spectrum.
8. Getting others to believe they are on the spectrum. But once I was officially diagnosed, a lot of those close to me were unsurprised But people who don't know me well would probably not believe it. (I only share with trusted people who have some clue.)

 

[Progster]

I haven't met very many people on the spectrum in real life, and others I only know online, so I don't know what they are like in real life, but I did find them to be different to me in some ways.

Firstly, they talked a lot. And really fast, and about things that I have little knowledge of or their special interests, and I got completely behind the conversation and lost. I don't talk much and can't think that fast, I'm slow to process. I had the impression that they were processing much faster than I was and were kind of way ahead of themselves - I talk little, and slowly. Also, they type fast, I can't.

Secondly, I'm not into pop culture, celebrities, social media, TV shows, Disney, video games, pop music, etc, and many on the spectrum enjoy these and want to talk about them, but I'm clueless/not interested. I think this is a generational thing, I am older than many here and wasn't brought up with these things. But actually, I never was into mainstream pop culture.

I enjoy learning languages and am good at it, many on the spectrum find language learning difficult.

I'm not very creative. I don't have a special talent for playing a musical instrument or art, or anything like that. I have a good memory, I can copy but not create.

Although I do have some sensitivities around food, I don't have issues with foods toughing each other or needing to eat bland foods - I love spicy food.

Some people on the spectrum love brightly coloured things. I don't. I like darker colours.

I've noticed that some have a really abstract way of thinking - I struggle with abstract thought, and like things to be straighforward and literal.

 

[WereBear]

Some people on the spectrum love brightly coloured things.

I am a color FAN, to the point everyone who knows me knows my favorite color because I wear it all the time

In my home, something needs to be certain colors, or black or grey, my neutrals. I find beige to be offensive to my eyes!

 

[Progster]

I find beige to be offensive to my eyes!

I feel that way about yellow or pink or bright orange.

 

[Chance]

Loudness: I'm not loud at all (real world), don't talk much at all, have low soft raspy voice. People say I mumble but in my head my voice is really loud, so I think I am being loud outside myself. mostly non-social unless a special interest is spurred by another person.
Emotions: Equal a social nightmare... too difficult to explain and depends greatly on each circumstance
Imagination: I have a great imagination as long as it pertains to REAL WORLD stuff. I have no likes for fictional or non-logic based things (except for maybe Old Star wars and stuff like that) and even then its a thin line.
Coordination: I have a tough time with knowing where my body (especially my feet) are with my surroundings. It sucks and I stumble a lot.
Organization: I am real good with this. I keep my body clean and groomed, I keep my house very clean and orderly, my cars are clean, and I keep up with my finances... Its the one thing I do well at. Not trying to brag...
Routines and Being flexible: This has gotten me in more trouble all my life than I care to even disclose... I'm a brain wreck if my crucial habits are messed up.
Blending in: For me that means to disappear as much as possible
Getting other to believe they are on the spectrum: I don't talk much about my own situation (out in real world). I try to avoid the whole discussion if possible...
On here I'm open, but out there totally different guy with a very survival type mindset. So, I just worry about getting me through the day with as little exposure as possible. Its just my safe way to navigate this narrative we call reality. : )

 

[Chance]

I am a color FAN, to the point everyone who knows me knows my favorite color because I wear it all the time

In my home, something needs to be certain colors, or black or grey, my neutrals. I find beige to be offensive to my eyes!

I like dark green, dark blue, woody colors, and burgundy... Tan, beige, or gold... to me is nasty also... : ) I mostly wear clothes that are mostly neutral, but every now and then I will throw on something with some color in it.