Background: I've been a member on the Autism Forums for years now, reading and contributing. I've only recently realized that our ego plays a lot more than I thought in our human experience. When someone says that someone is "egotistical", at least in my interpretation and cognitive bias, I often envision someone who is just full of him/herself, an air of self-importance, someone who looks down upon others, and everything is about them. In general, not a pleasant person to be around.
However, here I am realizing that even within the autistic community, because of our life experience, the many struggles in daily life, the sensitivity to toxic people around us, the feeling things deeply, the heightened awareness of social injustices, the communication difficulties with interpretation of intent and meaning, emotional dysregulation, rumination cycles, etc... there does appear to be heightened sense of "self". There tends to be this sense of... well... unfairness, I am a victim, listen to my story, agree with me or else. Some even take it to the level that anyone else with a differing life experience... someone with "advantages"... is incapable of understanding, or worse, somehow an adversary. Now, admittedly, if you look back at some of my posts from say 2020-21... you might see some of that. I've learned and matured since that time... in part, because of you all here on the forums. I thank you all for that.
All that said...
I've come to this philosophy that we are nothing more than souls that are having a temporary human experience. As individuals, we are nothing more than a single grain of sand within a vast desert of sand. We may have some influence upon the other grains of sand within our immediate vicinity, but we do not have the power to change the desert.
I am not that important within the greater context of the universe, this world, my country. Neither are any one of you all.
So, when you have the urge to become "triggered" into a rant, to be "offended" by verbiage or a statement, to disagree with verbal diarrhea on a thread... step back, pause, collect one's self... and let's have a civil discussion. Don't let our egos get the better of us. My life experience...your life experience... it's different. Different perspectives are important. If you are looking at something from only a single point of view... you, quite literally, are not seeing the whole... it's an inaccurate representation... an illusion. You need the input from other people looking at it from different points of view in order to envision what you're actually looking at. In part, this is the purpose of the forum... multiple perspectives. When people disagree with you... it's not the "attack" that your ego thinks it is.
So, when you have the urge to be "violently" empathetic or sympathetic, being the social justice warrior, riding in on your proverbial white horse to save the day from "evil doers", there are ways that truly are effective... and other ways that just create further chaos, anger, frustration, and even death. Let's keep our egos in check. None of us are that important within the greater scheme of things.
Peace be with you all.
Most of this I agree with. However, not all huge ego persons, for instance, are like a grain of sand that is insignificant and we should not dwell on, or that we should treat with kid gloves. When groups of people are hurting and suffering at the hands of very egotistical persons, sometimes accountability needs to occur, and if that means a group of people on white horses banding together, to fight injustice, then cool is what I say. I am proud of you.
So although one very egotistical person alone seems trivial in context with how many are in this world, you would be surprised how much damage can be done from one very selfish and self centered person. They may not admit that of course, and they may want to point the fingers elsewhere or critique the message bearer, but with selfishness often comes huge egos, damage to others and neglect to others, and with empathy comes less ego, more overall concern and care, and more assistance.
Empathy need not always show itself as kindness to all, nor only be shown in gentle and/or unemotional ways if that pain felt or seen has been too much, or if the desire is to help more the victim or many, than compared to assisting the bully or a few, for instance. Sometimes empathy cannot be shown across the board or sometimes we have to choose who we feel needs our help the most, or who we feel would most appreciate that help, support, or care or be able to change there.
The myth out there is that if you are totally nice to very selfish persons, they will change or be nice back. Often very self centered persons, grandiose or narcissistic persons are in a vicious loop (genetic or environmental caused) of taking and not giving, with little empathy towards those unlike them. The very selfish or arrogant may try to portray toughness on the surface, so they may often trample over kindness, yet may even respect one more who fights back regardless if their anger back says otherwise.
The bottom lines is so many persons can be taken advantage of and suffer, or even perish if the harming other has much power, when inflated egos go unchecked because any of us fearing them, staying silent, being too nice, or running away. Sometimes when we are not heard, or when others are selfishly exerting some control for their own gain, fighting back is needed or having intense emotions is needed instinctively or to combat their harms.. Those with empathy, whether shown on the surface or not, or whether intense or not, have by definition less ego, and are more selfless, so I feel their opinions and emotions could matter even more..
Contrary to the perception thus, many of those with moderate to high empathy skills do not have big egos, as their self esteem is usually less and their hearts and minds are more on others than on themselves. Their time and efforts are more into assisting others, but if this means being strong and full of feeling against one or more conceited, takers, users or big shots, in order to benefit more in society or to benefit more victims, then this is what they do, as they often are trying to stop some big or lasting pain.
The empathetic may at times seem too moral and ethical judging, perhaps, but that is usually fiction coming from those with less empathy, as any judgment and super emotion shown towards those with inflated egos is saved usually only for those rarer cases where they are severely going out of control and harming many from their inflated egos or narcissism, as avoiding conflicts is far more common because of their empathy. Regardless, those with strong empathy at least often back up their claim of care with their selfless regular good deeds and strong helping actions to many. Any respect and moral and ethical confidence seems earned.
Most with little egos thus I feel are those with average to above average empathy, and most with this trait I see as more positive, passive, modest and kind than combative or in your face, but which even the latter I see as rare but justified with purpose to benefit many victims or society as a whole. Any intense emotion from these unselfish persons against super ego persons often is a result of many occasions of seeing that unchecked ego not challenged, not able to be changed, or going out of control. These persons have just as much of a right to be heard than the other side, to balance things out, and to give that wide perspective that you feel is needed too--so I agree with you there too.
