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Featured Want re-assessing for aspgers, can't cope with demands of life

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Gift2humanity, Jun 22, 2020.

  1. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    I thought I would get off my tangent.
    I want to tell them that I got into a habit of masking and appearing empathic to fit in, I don't really care about others stuff to be blunt. I am not a narcissst I don't want to hurt anyone, I am just uncaring about others emotions, but assessor and support worker who were there said I do.
    Failed and missed opportunity for Aspergers makes me fear dangerous meltdowns and possibly more damage of flat during meltdowns and trouble.
    The assessor says I reciprocate emotionally and share spontaneously.
    The support worker also said this and that I appear to empathise, but I feel I have created a habit early on in life to mask my 'weirdness' so just appear empathic and appear to be able to reciprocate.
    Apparently this is common in females, can anyone relate?
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2020
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  2. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hi sorry life is difficult ATM i struggled to get diagnosis and expected the world and opportunities in life to suddenly 'open' to me for a piece of paper and truth to be told nothing changed!!! infact declaring my Autism to employers for me was a 100 per cent negative experience, the advice, links and self exploration due to this forum plus C.B.T gave me far more than the £650 i spent to be privately diagnosed, supporting the path to greater acceptance of myself, and a increase in acceptance of my Autism, having read responses to your posts i have seen a lot of good advice and i think diagnosis or no diagnosis try to embrance the positive aspects of YOU, to sing 'perfect pitch' is amazing, believe me i see that all seems dark, gloomy and tricky right now and please don't think i'm patronising but each day is a new one, and we all have more resilience than we know.
     
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  3. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your lovely post. It's a shame you have come across prejudice from your autism diagnosis.
    I have felt "lost" all of my life and an official diagnosis would help me feel "found"
    I find that if I tell people who I am not maintaining eye contact with that I may be autistic, they have been ok.
    I find that I need specifics and when I ask for clarification from people who communicate vaguely, they seem to get cross with me, I don't say I am autistic to these people.

    I am still curious if anyone has masked their symptoms so that people think they are neurotypical, I wonder if I should create another thread about this?
     
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  4. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    In regard to 'Masking' there are lots of blogs and post, and yes i mask but it's soooo exhausting, and i have now decided that less 'masking' and more 'being me' is the way forward, it helps a little that i have begun to like myself more.
     
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  5. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    Did you find masking became a habit, like automatic.
    I convinced myself I liked hugging when I don't?
    I have to write a long letter to be posted tomorrow so while I thank you for your signpost to blogs and posts, I doubt I will have the time tonight.
     
  6. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Masking is a means to 'fit in' be part of and gain degrees of acceptance, it for me should never be a way to live my life as it causes far to much exhaustion and anxiety and often didn't have my desired effect.
     
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  7. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    I masked since so early in my life I didn't even know I was doing it. I was exhausted but I was permenently exhausted so it felt normal to me, is this rare.?
     
  8. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Not not rare but yes exhausting, at the point of 'gonna b me ' more as so what if i don't fit in ;) as i've found some N/T people not just confusing but that they have the ability due prehaps to their supposed 'normal' social and communication skill to take advantage, pass judgement and be out right mean :(
     
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  9. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, which is another reason why I want a diagnosis.
    I think that as I was on drugs (recreational doses of pregabalin" which feels like ecstasy, I gave off the impression I was empathic and diplomatic.
    I have been with mental health services for so long because of my social interaction problems.
    In the assessment the asked me what I would do if a girl tried a dress I didnt like, and asked me, and I said I would be diplomatic and say I liked another one she tried on. In reality, when faced with a situation I would freeze and say. errmm, so I the letter asking for rediagnosis I said this.
    They also asked me what I would do if I saw a friend crying, I said I hug her and be sympathetic and offer comfort and feel comfortable with this.
    I didn't tell him that I hated hugs, I've just got used to giving them all my life that I thought I liked them. It seems expected. I wrote this in the letter also, so I hope they see that I am not actually empathic and socialy skilled.
     
  10. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

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    Knowing how to act but not being able to in an anxiety problem. The same thing happens in people with social anxiety disorder (SAD). Some people who develop SAD when they were a toddler may think they have ASD because the symptoms are similar.

    Some people who aren't autistic hate hugs for a variety of reasons (such as sensory issues or being uncomfortable getting too close to people because of negative experiences with people in the past). Since you know how to act, that's not evidence of autism either.
     
  11. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I agree with Formerly autistic that some N/T people also act this way however with the context of your words i feel you are meeting 'expected norms' and not acting from previous hurt and experience.
     
  12. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your post, it makes sense but I have loads of weird quirks. At 9 months my mum thought I was autistic and took me to the doctor as I could not make eye contact, didnt smile much and was emotionally distant for a 9mth old baby.
    I know I have always been different.
    I think anxiety like it's cousin depression are symptoms of underlying issues, ranging from trauma, things ingested, tangible worries such as debt, sick relatives, etc.

    I was in mental health services, not for social anxiety but because I did not know how to socially interact.
     
  13. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your reply. Sorry to sound thick, please could you clarify?
    I am not sure what you mean when you say with the context of my words I am meeting 'expected norms'.
    I do not feel criticised it is just me being confused.
    Does this mean that your feel from the sounds of my posts that I am not on the autistic spectrum?
     
  14. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Not at all i think you are being what people expect you to be instead of your true nature, only my humble opinion. Only you know you and all i can do is give views based on your words.
     
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  15. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    Thanks, my identity has been a bit lost in all of this. I wish I had continued to read as a kid, I taught myself to read and write but gave up because, (no blame to my dad, no point) but he taunted me for not being able to walk without falling down. Apparently I learnt to talk before 1 year old but was 14 months before I could walk. Read and wrote at 2, gave up because he kept infantilising me, because he had low self esteem and it was excruciatingly painful to see his baby girl show potential, so he picked on my weak points and I must have chosen to give up reading because all I can remember is asking him to say "I'm not a baby am I?" and that became more important than reading.
    Reading fiction improves empathy and social skills.
     
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