• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Violence ever been the answer?

OmegaGreen17

Well-Known Member
Emor on the chat gave me a little inspiration for this topic.

Has anyone felt that the "Aspie diplomacy" had to be ditched ONE TIME, to gain respect?

I mean, respect is something im sure everyone is after, everyone in the world, but surely us aspies have felt one time that if we had respect, we would have integration into the school social system... i.e be more included.
 

Emor

Well-Known Member
As Omega knows, I do think so.
This girl was really pissing me off. I'm not like I am now and I used to get extremely depressed when I broke up with boyfriends, and she wouldn't let me forget he broke up with me. A lot of this was non-verbal... it wasn't what she said, it was how she said it... I'm not amazing at picking up non-verbal cues, but I can pick up obvious ones. When ever she passed me in the hallway she'd ask me, 'Are you still grieving Emma, grieving, grieving? That your bastard boyfriend broke up with you? Huh? Huh?' and it just drove me crazy, and I was having a hard enough time, etc. etc. basically I think what I did was right. I basically bashed her head into the dinner table 3 times... She left me alone.
Then there was another time where I got in this fight with this girl in the PE changing rooms. She'd always say I was a *****, call me ginge, tell me to **** off while passing me in the corridor, etc. so I basically kicked her in the changing rooms after she said something to a friend of mine, and she's really aggressive and has anger-management problems(like, she has a diagnosis sort of thing) and she bashed MY head into the wall, LOOOL. I just find it ironic because she didn't know.
There was a third thing but I've actually forgotten what it was. I know I did something because someone asked me if I had ever hurt someone and there was three things. But I've forgot about the third.
I was close this one time with my ex's ex(long story but we've always hated each other). I actually ran up to her with my fist in the air, and then decided I didn't want to and walked away. She slapped one of my best friends, and she'd been a total ***** to me, and then she said it was my fault. It just pissed me off. We're not exactly friends now but we don't hate each other anymore. She also added me as a friend on Facebook and we sometimes talk over that so yeah.
Trust me, any normal person who had to put up with the crap I get on a daily basis would be a serial killer or w.e. I'm actually extremely tolerant, but there's a point when I'll strike
The reason I don't just choose violence straight away is because it doesn't damage my reputation(and make people hate me, and in the end of the day I can't beat up everyone), I do feel guilt for hurting people I don't hate that much(I don't when I feel I'm right though), etc.
So yes, I do think violence gains you respect. But I know that it's not the right respect. Two out of the three were just because they were scared of me. Not because they thought I was a nice person who didn't deserve what they were doing.
EMZ=](it seems really stupid to put a happy face emoticon at the end of this post but w.e, LOL)
 
W

Willow

Guest
Well...violence isn't the way to get respect. Being yourself is the way to go I guess. I mean, yes a bit of effort to mingle with everyone will help. Just being nice to everyone all the time and talking to a lot of people just a little bit every now and then can really help. You don't have to make loads of friends, just don;t ignore anyone. :)
 
first of all, daaammmnnnn emor, nice work with the table.

i have had soo many times where i have really wanted to punch someone right in the face, but i never have, i have just tryed to walk away from things, i even pissed two people on separate occasions that they have grabbed me by the throat, one of them pushed against a brick wall, and all i did was laugh, i dont know why, maybe i am a serial killer in the making, i just found it funny and i really dont know why. anyway, back to my point, another reason why i havent given in to punching someone in the face yet is that i used to under estimate my strength (i broke part of a wall by punching repetitively it once)
well, im pretty ****ed up
 

Qaletaqa

Well-Known Member
I don't like violence at all, I seem to lose respect for people that resort to physical and/or mental violence/abuse. It's ok to defend yourself, I don't see any problem with that.

Respect is not earned by using violence, the victim does not "respect" you, the victim fears you. The attacker just thinks he/she is beeing respected now.

"Respect" earned thru violence is fear, not respect.
 
C

Chris

Guest
It depends. Everyone has a breaking point, violence intentional or not, usually people will eventually resort to it.

One time in a year 10 math's lesson, I was sitting at the front (I hate sitting at the front, I don't like having people behind me...) doing my work, and the teacher left the classroom to get something from the staff room (big school, took him a while). I just continued with my work, and people started throwing stuff at me. Started with rubbers/pencils... ended up with bags. Eventually some ... hit me on the head with their bag (was quite heavy :/ )... I kind of snapped, turned the table over, stood up n threw a pencil case back at them and left. :(

Not the answer to respect though.
 

felix

Well-Known Member
Not the answer to respect though.
But understandable.

For some reason there is no violence at all in my class.
If i leave people alone, they leave me alone (despite their funny comments about my psyche, but who cares).
Any kind of violence disgusts me, cant even watch some parts 16+ movies.

f.
 

OmegaGreen17

Well-Known Member
Well....

Sure, violence is never the moral answer, but still..

My morals have always been in nonviolence, but sometimes, there is just soo much anger up there, and so much fustraition with bullies is that you have to stand up for yourself physically, why? Because some people dont respond to nicenessness.

Its easy to say (no offence to anyone here) that violence is totally wrong, so you stand on the moral highground.... it is, but saying that its never an answer....seems a mystery to me, at least ive never been in a fight in school.

-Too add in a edit-
I need to say that violence rarely gains you respect, but when you are bullied so much and pushed around, making you feel lower than the cold, wet mud on a rainy day...you need to get respect, not off others, but from yourself.
 
C

Chris

Guest
I'd say everyone has a breaking point where they will become violent. By that point I doubt the intent is ever for respect, just for a bit of 'release', if you know what I mean. There's a name for people that are purposely violent for respect - bullies.
 

Kit

Well-Known Member
I was getting bullied in school and I would defend myself by hitting them and spitting and throwing after I have told them to leave me alone. Then in 6th grade I kept getting into fights with my bullies after I would tell them to leave me alone and they tell me to make them. I would and I would always get in trouble with the school. They wanted to put me in a class with kids with behavior disorders. My mom approved of me fighting back and she and dad had to get a lawyer and she gave them advice instead what to do so they followed it. Even my AS diagnoses stopped them from putting me in that class.
 

mikkyh

Well-Known Member
I don't, myself, purposely turn to violence. People can be really horrible...and some people really do wind me up. I don't take it out on people though, only normally on objects. I'll throw chairs across the classroom and towards the end of my time at school I walked out of nearly every class.

It's just there. I don't use violence as a solution. It just...happens ?
 

rikk

Well-Known Member
Getting in fights in school is one thing,when you move into the adult world the consequences of violence

are greater,loss of income,incarceration,among other things.

Violence is always the last thing you want to resort to, words do you no physical damage.

Verbal threats of violence are another matter,In that case talking to the law is a good idea,

if something does happen at least that's been recorded somewhere.

When you are verbally harassed by someone don't act afraid,say very little,don't challenge them,don't insult them,

and create as much distance between you and them as possible and try to walk away,keep an eye on them until you are

at a safe distance.

Only you can make the decision on whether to fight or not and it's a very complicated issue.

Google the name Marc "The Animal" McYoung, this gentleman has an exellent website with a lot of in depth

information on the subject of self defense,avoiding and handling potentially violent situations.

I'm a twenty five year martial artist and I reccomend his writings to anyone who want's common sense,

realistic information on this subject.
 

Emor

Well-Known Member
Despite what I've said, I'm actually a calm person. Someone actually laughed when I said I wanted to slap this person, 'cause she just found the concept of me being angry so ludicrous.
Usually when I seem angry I'm just putting it on to make a point.
The whole bashing someone's head into the table thing, that was sort of premeditated. I was so depressed and ****ed up emotionally I couldn't take her making it worse. I don't care if that's an insufficient justification for planning to physically hurt someone. Everyone has their reasons and I had mine, and if it makes me egotistical that I'll hurt someone physically to stop the infliction of emotional pain on me, then I'm egotistical.
I know no one's really been critical, it's more just in response to a few posts about boiling points and stuff.
I don't think I've actually been violent on a physical level without going under consideration first. I don't have a boiling point imo, I just no when a problem's got so bad verbal reasoning doesn't cut it.
I know that probably sounds psychopathic or megalomanic or something else, and idk, maybe I am a bit crazy, but it's not like the logic isn't flawed and it hasn't worked.
IMO, being calm while being violent is a lot safer than being angry. :/.
EMZ.
 

superboyian

Former Co-Owner
V.I.P Member
Violence is the answer for when you are having to defend yourself... :lol: which makes matters worse, but lets just make it easier, just run.... :innocent:

But in social situations... if you are the violence, its obviously not a very good idea either because it would make you look like Dr eggman in any case... so therefore, its not worth it.

It just depends on the situation...

But in boxing, yes that is the answer im afraid... :lol:
 

142857

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Whenever people have tried to get me interested in doing martial arts or boxing or whatever I say that I don't want to learn to fight. I'd rather be in a threatening situation thinking how I am going to get out of it without things becoming violent, rather than thinking about perhaps fighting my way out.

One of my best friends is very good at fighting. It has caused him nothing but grief.

In the situation of someone knowing that you are hurting emotionally and deliberately trying to compound the hurt and make you feel worse... well, violence is never good but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Same with bullies when I was 6 or 8 years old and I'd get bullied by a "tough" kid and at least 3 or 4 or his friends. I was twice as big, literally, as a lot of kids my age but extremely slow and clumsy, so they'd use "hit and run" tactics. If I saw the ringleader without his friends later I'd walk up behind him and kick him as hard as I could. After that we'd usually roll around on the ground and come to some kind of stalemate, but I'd be left alone after that. Bullies are cowards, they are looking for someone who won't fight back or who can't fight back.
 

mikkyh

Well-Known Member
"An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth"

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"

Aaaargh. Ghandi, or bible ? Ghani, or bible ?
 

gamers1700

Well-Known Member
I would say that violence sometimes is the answer. If people are gonna pick on you because they think you won't strike back, than they will. If you show that you won't put up with it, most times they'll leave you alone.

For example, there was this one day I was in a really bad mood and this one chunky kid thought he could get in my face and be a general pain in the ass. One heavy kid over the desk later and he never bothered me again (I was like 100lb at the time, he had to be around 200 lol).

Another time there was a few people that decided they'd try slapping the books out of my hands, I was like whatever it's just books. Than someone else kicked it and I just snapped, threw him against the wall and already had him by the shirt before a couple friends of his could jump in and stop me from actually tossing him across the hall. The dude actually had to go outside and collect his marbles, so to speak. After that none of them bothered me again aside from the guy I rag-dolled (just one of those attempts to make me flinch, needless to say I saw it coming a mile off), they even said that they'd stop due to me flipping out like that...who woulda thought that? :huh:
 

Calvert

'Bout Ye?
For example, there was this one day I was in a really bad mood and this one chunky kid thought he could get in my face and be a general pain in the ass.   :huh:
Is that the PC term?  :lol:


Nice going, you got them to leave you alone. They must have been afraid after your flip out.
 

New Threads

Top Bottom