Verbal memory problems--how to manage?

[JKG]

Lately I've been made very aware of how poorly my memory functions when I am in a heated or emotional verbal discussion with someone else. I can't hear all of the words, can't remember them right after they are spoken, can't repeat most of them back when asked by the other person "What did I just say?" I can recall the feeling I had when the words were spoken, but not the words. It is frustrating and embarrassing. I find myself becoming less willing to risk speaking my mind for fear of the discussion leading into such a situation where I can't mentally function effectively. But not speaking my mind or sharing my thoughts creates its own problems. Do any of you experience something similar? If so, how to you manage these situations? I'm seeking your advice. Thanks!

 

[watersprite]

I wish I had advice for you, as I am the same when it's a heated discussion. I'd have to to take notes in order to keep the issues straight, which obviously isn't going to work in the time frame of a verbal exchange.

 

[Richard Zimmer]

Lately I've been made very aware of how poorly my memory functions when I am in a heated or emotional verbal discussion with someone else. I can't hear all of the words, can't remember them right after they are spoken, can't repeat most of them back when asked by the other person "What did I just say?" I can recall the feeling I had when the words were spoken, but not the words. It is frustrating and embarrassing. I find myself becoming less willing to risk speaking my mind for fear of the discussion leading into such a situation where I can't mentally function effectively. But not speaking my mind or sharing my thoughts creates its own problems. Do any of you experience something similar? If so, how to you manage these situations? I'm seeking your advice. Thanks!

At least with people I know, I ask them for space and patience to get my thoughts in order.

 

[balder]

I think the way is to keep track of the main idea, not the words.

 

[Progster]

I ask people to slow down and repeat things back to me and in stages with pauses inbetween, so I can 'get' the first bit before the next bit comes. I sometimes repeat it to myself so I don't forget. Or preferably I write things down, if possible.

 

[Suzanne]

Oh heck, don't go there! Wow can you imagine being in a heated interchange and asking if you could text Your reply? Meaning I am so much better online than offline.

I splutter, go red, forget words and basically feel ten times more angry because I am frustrated by me.

If it is an outsider, I would have to log away in my mind, on what to say and then, bring it back to memory. So I would endeavour to not get in that situation to begin with.

One area I wish my apsie way was not there.

 

[JKG]

Oh heck, don't go there! Wow can you imagine being in a heated interchange and asking if you could text Your reply? Meaning I am so much better online than offline.

I splutter, go red, forget words and basically feel ten times more angry because I am frustrated by me.

If it is an outsider, I would have to log away in my mind, on what to say and then, bring it back to memory. So I would endeavour to not get in that situation to begin with.

One area I wish my apsie way was not there.

That's totally me, too, Suzanne. You expressed it all perfectly. Thank you.

 

[Pondering]

Before I knew I was an aspie, I used to say something and then subconsciously repeat myself under my breath or mouth the words. Every time I did it, I found myself remembering unimportant conversations. I think it also helps to learn a measure of self-control. I like to avoid argument and debate unless absolutely necessary and stay calm no matter what. Easier said than done. And not running from the conflict, but resolving or preventing one in a peaceful manner. I don't think most heated arguments are worth initiating or continuing. It might also help to think about the real meaning of what it being said before it is spoken. Just speaking out of personal experience. I hope it is of any help. If not, my apologies.

 

[Greg]

Oh heck, don't go there! Wow can you imagine being in a heated interchange and asking if you could text Your reply? Meaning I am so much better online than offline.

I splutter, go red, forget words and basically feel ten times more angry because I am frustrated by me.

If it is an outsider, I would have to log away in my mind, on what to say and then, bring it back to memory. So I would endeavour to not get in that situation to begin with.

One area I wish my apsie way was not there.

Suzanne you are right on point. I totally feel that way. I get in a heated conversation and might state something that I didn't mean to say and then the conversation goes there of "is that how you really feel?" Then everything just goes to heck and then I get lost in the conversation. The conversation has gone on to 5 other points and I am still stuck on point number 1. JKG I totally feel what you feel. I can converse with text and email but do horribly with verbal. I get so lost.

 

[JKG]

Suzanne you are right on point. I totally feel that way. I get in a heated conversation and might state something that I didn't mean to say and then the conversation goes there of "is that how you really feel?" Then everything just goes to heck and then I get lost in the conversation. The conversation has gone on to 5 other points and I am still stuck on point number 1. JKG I totally feel what you feel. I can converse with text and email but do horribly with verbal. I get so lost.

Thanks for sharing that, Greg. My conversations with my partner go into these "death spirals" as I call them, which approximate exactly what you describe. It's taken a horrible toll on my self esteem. And yet, like many of you, I can find my words just fine when at a keyboard. Why is it like that for us?