• Feeling isolated? You're not alone.

    Join 20,000+ people who understand exactly how your day went. Whether you're newly diagnosed, self-identified, or supporting someone you love – this is a space where you don't have to explain yourself.

    Join the Conversation → It's free, anonymous, and supportive.

    As a member, you'll get:

    • A community that actually gets it – no judgment, no explanations needed
    • Private forums for sensitive topics (hidden from search engines)
    • Real-time chat with others who share your experiences
    • Your own blog to document your journey

    You've found your people. Create your free account

Vent

B

Bradock

New Member
It's My Birthday!
I really wish i wasn't autistic. Or at least on the spectrum.

For my whole life making friends was so easy cus i was in school. But I'd get new friends every grade never keeping up with my old friends. And now that im out of high-school i have no friends at all. I dont know how people do it they make it look so easy just taking to other people. I feel like an alien. I cant do basic things and i hate it. I cant look people in the eyes when they talk to me. My voice is so monotone i cant express myself well. I have no idea what to do in social situations so i just stand there and respond to the person and when they dont talk i just stand there. I dont understand small talk. I feel so much guilt for putting other people through the chore that is talking to me. The main reason i feel i have autism is because i cant understand people. Facial expressions or basic context.
 
It's not something that'll ever be easy. It takes practice and time to improve conversational skills. Patience is a difficult thing when it's something this uncomfortable.

Small talk is a tricky thing. I'll not deny it. There are some days where I can do it. But most days I just can't. And it's okay.

Just keep trying. There is no perfect way to fix this. And we all individually have our own ways to compensate.
 
Bradock said:
I really wish i wasn't autistic. Or at least on the spectrum.

For my whole life making friends was so easy cus i was in school. But I'd get new friends every grade never keeping up with my old friends. And now that im out of high-school i have no friends at all. I dont know how people do it they make it look so easy just taking to other people. I feel like an alien. I cant do basic things and i hate it. I cant look people in the eyes when they talk to me. My voice is so monotone i cant express myself well. I have no idea what to do in social situations so i just stand there and respond to the person and when they dont talk i just stand there. I dont understand small talk. I feel so much guilt for putting other people through the chore that is talking to me. The main reason i feel i have autism is because i cant understand people. Facial expressions or basic context.
Click to expand...
you'll find your tribe eventually, it may just take you longer than you want. Whenever I feel uncomfortable in social environments I just tell myself "well, you're clearly not my people"

My experience of school was similar to yours, constant turn over of friends, never kept in touch, always on the periphery of groups. then I spent decades thinking my various partner's social connections were my own always being confused as to why when the relationship was over those drifted too.

I think part of the problem was I was trying to be what I thought i needed to be in order to have friends.

I have a lot of social connections these days none of them have NT expectations of me and seem to appreciate the way I see the world.

As you said you wish you weren't autistic, here's the podcast episode I listen to when I feel the same way

 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom