Undiagnosed but with constant feeling of loneliness around NT people.

[lexand3r]

This week, my therapist asked me for the first time if I feel lonely in my life and I needed to confront the fact that yes I do have been feeling lonely for years now.
I think that maybe the root of that might be my "ability" to mask symptoms. I try to fit in groups and for that I need to hold back my way of acting, I say things that I don't want to say and omit things that I want people to know (mostly in order of trying to not be perceived as "weird"). Emphasis on the "trying" part, because I know that I failed on that as people had already told me.
This makes me get stuck in friend groups of people that I don't like, that were never close to neurodivergent people and that wouldn't understand if I tried to explain my possible diagnosis.

 

[AprilR]

I think loneliness is something every one must endure. The reality is not many people are accepting of autistic people when we "unmask" so masking is a survival skill to get by in society.

The fact that you can do that is admirable.

 

[Hypnalis]

@lexand3r

The issue probably isn't masking as such. There's not much data in your post, but it sounds like you're trying to get along with people you don't like, but think you should like. This is better than psychological or chemical escapism, but there's no future in it.

Some "borrowed advice" from another domain of outsiders: spend (a lot) more time becoming the person that (a) you want to be and (b) will make you attractive to people you like.

If your age is 17 (guessing from mousing over your userid)) then (b) may be very abstract: perhaps you haven't met anyone you genuinely get along with, so how can you set a target?
Start with (a), be patient, and don't forget that (a) can't be entirely "hiding from the world".

Hopefully others here will make the usual suggestions for activities that naturally develop social skills.
Be sure to Include some of those: they're good for both (a) and for setting goals for (b) - which is, of course, why they're the usual suggestions

 

[lexand3r]

@lexand3r

The issue probably isn't masking as such. There's not much data in your post, but it sounds like you're trying to get along with people you don't like, but think you should like. This is better than psychological or chemical escapism, but there's no future in it.

Some "borrowed advice" from another domain of outsiders: spend (a lot) more time becoming the person that (a) you want to be and (b) will make you attractive to people you like.

If your age is 17 (guessing from mousing over your userid)) then (b) may be very abstract: perhaps you haven't met anyone you genuinely get along with, so how can you set a target?
Start with (a), be patient, and don't forget that (a) can't be entirely "hiding from the world".

Hopefully others here will make the usual suggestions for activities that naturally develop social skills.
Be sure to Include some of those: they're good for both (a) and for setting goals for (b) - which is, of course, why they're the usual suggestions

Thank you for the response. The part where you said that I must have not met anyone to genuinely get along with, conflicts a little bit with my experience as I have people in my family constant wanting me to act as a grown adult. In that case, I don't know when I can use my age to analyze certain aspects or if I should already think of myself as needing to act the same as an adult.
Obviously, this is more personal and specific, but your answer still helped me to clarify some things. Thank you again.