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Undergoing TMS

GadAbout said:
So it sounds like you didn't discuss this with either doctor.
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Getting appointments with them isn’t easy.

I feel like my mental health is falling apart. Everything feels impossibly hard and what I want to be is unobtainable.
 
My inner voice keeps saying things like my past defines my present as well as my future, that I will never get to play the music I want nor have common minded people to play it with, that it’s bad years pass and I still don’t have a girlfriend, and I will never feel like the depression is gone.
 
It's possible that it's about a mind trap you have formed in childhood, perhaps by being treated like you're not good enough and invalidated, and these feelings keep pestering you into adulthood, and the more negative things happen the more these traps are confirmed in your mind. Childhood mind traps cause people to be selective of such situations and people who facilitate such states, are attracted to circumstances which make their traps reaffirmed, these situations feel like home. If it's not happening, they will keep thinking and acting in ways that reaffirm their traps and insecurities, making childhood trauma repeat in the present. It's autodestructive.
 
Rexi said:
It's possible that it's about a mind trap you have formed in childhood, perhaps by being treated like you're not good enough and invalidated, and these feelings keep pestering you into adulthood, and the more negative things happen the more these traps are confirmed in your mind. Childhood mind traps cause people to be selective of such situations and people who facilitate such states, are attracted to circumstances which make their traps reaffirmed, these situations feel like home. If it's not happening, they will keep thinking and acting in ways that reaffirm their traps and insecurities, making childhood trauma repeat in the present. It's autodestructive.
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That sounds perfectly true, but Markness has been told this many times over, and it persists. It's frustrating, but as the saying goes, You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.
 
GadAbout said:
That sounds perfectly true, but Markness has been told this many times over, and it persists. It's frustrating, but as the saying goes, You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.
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I honestly hate that saying. My detractors on Wrong Planet abused it to the point it makes my eyes hurt when I see it. One of the detractors who abused it claimed he didn’t like my posts but kept following them as well as wondered why I was hostile to him. He has a sick obsession with me and kept provoking me yet cried foul every time.

No one understands me at all. Even among the aspie world, I don’t fit in.
 
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to traumatize you by saying that.

Yes, there is something about your mentality that makes you different even than the average aspie. But please remember that the many fruitless attempts to help you cope better do indicate that people care and are trying to help you. It's understandable to be angry that they are ineffective, but don't overlook the well-meaning intent.

I was really hoping (as were you) that the novel treatment, the TMS, would help you break through.
 
I’m feeling like I will still be posting unhappy messages even when I turn 45. I became depressed when I was 17 and I am still depressed 14 years later.
 
Markness said:
I’m feeling like I will still be posting unhappy messages even when I turn 45. I became depressed when I was 17 and I am still depressed 14 years later.
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I'd like to ask a genuine question. If everything you do is a means to that specific end, then what will you do to maintain and sustain that end when you achieve it? You may have answered this on the forum before or on that other site but I've not seen the former and I haven't had an account on the latter for many, many years.
 
Markness said:
I honestly don’t understand the concept of having means to an end.
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"If everything you do is for the sole purpose of getting a girlfriend" was basically what I was saying. I also want to apologize for the overall question as it was an unfairly hasty assumption for me to make. I was in a foggy mood yesterday; even so, I was in the wrong.
 
When asked to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence, famous wit Dorothy Parker replied "You can lead a whore to culture, but you cannot make her think."

Sorry, I digress.
 
Fact Ten said:
"If everything you do is for the sole purpose of getting a girlfriend" was basically what I was saying. I also want to apologize for the overall question as it was an unfairly hasty assumption for me to make. I was in a foggy mood yesterday; even so, I was in the wrong.
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I don’t commonly hear that phrase used in my regular life so it’s always been lost on me. I accept your apology.
 
The reason it persists is because it's emotional, not logical. When youre already feeling the emotion it's too late, especially if your feelings are very intense, and the amount of feelings in childhood about a certain situation or repeated situations were intense.

This means you have to make your subconscious start believing differently, that is the only way you will get these emotions to lessen and be able to then gain control over them. Luckily, the more you do it, the less strong these emotions get and you can make changes in your thinking patterns and emotions, and heal into your new different life.

Some things cannot be worked out on your own, depending how traumatic it was and what type of trap it is. You need a psychotherapist and friends/relatives to help you through and offer objective views.
 
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I had my final TMS treatment today. I had to go through a tapering stage before they ended. I hope all the treatments will lead to something better in my life.
 
^Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. Basically they put you in a big machine connected to a big helmet full of superpower electromagnets which goes on your head, and it's supposed to fix the magnetic fields in your brain or something and thus cure you of stuff like depression.
 
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