trying to meet others:

[Gerald Wilgus]

It really feels like a mental endurance test.

And does it end? That is why I'd like to encourage @watchman84 to start developing a positive viewpoint about himself and an ethics of caring that will armor him for his challenges, and perhaps find some enjoyment along the way.

 

[JoeSF4]

i am very lonely and i feel awful, i have zero skills with women, and i hate it. much of it comes from what i have and i really feel my self-esteem is not what it needs to be at all too. the woman i have known have used me and lied to me and they have made me feel awful inside. i sometimes start to wonder if i ever will have a woman like me for me?

I feel your pain. Nobody around me personally understands the feeling. I've tried to explain it every which way. Woman have used me for my generosity and money (back when i had money). I would do anything for anyone which is a big part of why I'm a Firefighter/EMT because I naturally love to help people. I just wish some people I work with cared about me like I do about them. I always go above and beyond but it seems to never be enough. Sorry about the rant there lol. Just know you're not alone in this feeling. I often have to remind myself of that and your post shows I'm not the only one. And really we're not the only ones.