Troubles acknowledging asperger

[tuxa]

This is not really an official introduction, hope you don't mind .

I grew up in a dysfunctional household and was officially diagnosed with asperger at a very young age.

I always had problems acknowledging my autism and suffered from psychoses at a young age. I think I was raised to be ashamed of mental disorders and I feel like society doesn't truly accept/care about mental disorders.

I am an adult now and do adult things. I've never taken autism seriously. however, I feel like it's getting more and more difficult to fully accept my disorder. It feels like growing older makes me acknowledge my diagnosis more and more.

I unintentionally feel the need to know more about my autism and trying to "fix" which i don't think can be fixed.

For example: I'm bothered by the fact that I don't have friends and don't want to live a life without experiencing social activities and missing out.

Have others experienced something similar? How do you "deal" with yourself?

 

[Judge]

I suspect most of us harbor such sentiments. For me, my autism reflects a life-long sense of "feeling on the outside always looking in". You are not alone!

Though a major tenet of our neurological condition involves being very picky about who we tell, and to earnestly keep it on "need-to-know" basis only. Otherwise you open yourself to a lot of grief depending on who you choose to confide in, regardless of how close you may think someone is in your life.

Welcome to Autism Forums.

 

[MyLifeAsAnAspie]

I think it helps to join support groups and learn about the "tribe". I find the best way of making new friends is indulging your interest with groups with that interest. Don't give up if the first group/interest doesn't work out. Keep trying different things.

 

[Wolfsage]

I've always known. That just gave it a name. It's always been apart of me.

 

[Finder]

Read this: Acceptance as a Well Being Practice

 

[Aspychata]

Welcome. These are very honest questions. We all have different needs here. Some of us need to be alone also. Some don't feel bad about being alone. l am alone not lonely.

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome. Everyone's different, we handle things as best we can usually. I think it sounds like you feel an interest to explore being more social, and perhaps you can find interest groups to join that fit with your own interests or hobbies? That's worked for me at different times in my life, also classes or trainings. Covid situations making things difficult at present, but after vaccines are rolled out there's more potential.

It's good that you are here, anyway. Being an Aspie is part of you, but that's not all of who you are, every person is different whether neurotypical or neurodiverse. We all have to work on what's right for us, and that changes over time.

 

[Owliet]

This is not really an official introduction, hope you don't mind .

I grew up in a dysfunctional household and was officially diagnosed with asperger at a very young age.

I always had problems acknowledging my autism and suffered from psychoses at a young age. I think I was raised to be ashamed of mental disorders and I feel like society doesn't truly accept/care about mental disorders.

I am an adult now and do adult things. I've never taken autism seriously. however, I feel like it's getting more and more difficult to fully accept my disorder. It feels like growing older makes me acknowledge my diagnosis more and more.

I unintentionally feel the need to know more about my autism and trying to "fix" which i don't think can be fixed.

For example: I'm bothered by the fact that I don't have friends and don't want to live a life without experiencing social activities and missing out.

Have others experienced something similar? How do you "deal" with yourself?

I was diagnosed as a teenager, and I had a difficult time accepting the diagnosis. It also did not help that my mother found the diagnosis difficult to accept herself, and was quite nasty towards me about it. I don’t fully understand why she had a difficult time with it but she does have a weird world view about appearance and expectations. Anything that Is abnormal, she treats with ridicule and disdain. Unfortunately, I was in that receiving end until I had a second diagnosis of the same result and she accepted it. But the idea of needing to hide much of what made me, and to work on things that would make me seem “normal “ was down to her influence in those early years post 1st diagnosis. And even trying to fix and try to be as normal as possible has put me at risk situations and being taken advantage of. I never have fully accepted or even embraced my ASD with the same level as others on here or those I’ve met in life seem to have. It makes sense and explains many things but I can’t fully embrace it or be proud of it. And I do feel envious of that denial of freedom to do so because I think in some way it has impacted my view of self.

I’ve always felt like I’m an outsider trying to get in but I’m always on the fridges, I can’t even say that I’m like a wallflower, and when I try to pretend to be “normal” I feel like a charlatan and I can’t keep it up for long without slipping or feeling overwhelmed by pretending to be something that is uncomfortable. I want friends. I want to try and socialize and have become quite sad when I’ve been rejected and ignored. But I also like my own company, and much prefer it at times to the effort of people, yet I don’t know if the ideal of friendships is something that I genuinely want or if it’s a product of expectation from outer pressures.

 

[Suzanne]

I spent years, not knowing I had aspergers and being troubled that I had no friends. At times, I would cry in frustration. What was wrong with me, that I cannot make friends or keep them? I would look on at girls and envy their interaction.

So, having found out about aspergers and receiving my formal diagnosis nearly 3 year's ago, now, I am at a point that I cherish what little friendships I have and really it is ok to not have tons of friends and happy most, at home alone now.

 

[Alexej]

I think I was raised to be ashamed of mental disorders and I feel like society doesn't truly accept/care about mental disorders.

Firstly welcome to the Forums!

Secondly - what you wrote above resonates with me. I see that there is still shame around mental illness poor mental health.

 

[tuxa]

Thank you for sharing your personal, similar experiences and thoughts. I felt the need to post and now I feel a lot better. So thank you!

 

[tuxa]

Read this: Acceptance as a Well Being Practice

Such an useful article, thank you!

 

[Neonatal RRT]

For me,...it was about educating myself. Granted, I am in the medical field,...so this sort of thing interests me. I have this need to understand HOW things work,...not THAT things work. My autism,...the same thing. I get really upset with the misinformation about the BS about cures for autism. There are structural differences in the brain that occur early in gestation,...that is primary. The symptoms are as a result of the structural changes. Can you minimize symptoms,...sometimes,...sure. Can you cure autism,...NO,...not unless there is a way to remodel the neurons and their organization within the brain.

The primary causes of the communication, behavior, and the interpersonal bonding,...friends, relationships, etc,...are due to the structural changes that often occur in the neurons within the functional units surrounding the thalamus. Keep in mind, the whole brain is affected, some areas more than others. Some areas will have poor function, while others may have exceptional function. Everyone is different, but one of the hallmarks of autism is asymmetrical intelligence,...primarily identified through professionals specifically testing for it. Hence the saying, "If you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism." because every one of us will test and present differently,...with results very different from neurotypical "norms". Specifically, with regards to interpersonal bonding, this is in the hypothalamus and posterior pituitary,...as this area secretes vasopressin and oxytocin,...the "love hormones" responsible for that euphoric feeling and emotional bonding at the beginning of a relationship (mother and baby, boyfriend and girlfriend, etc).

Get yourself on to Google Scholar, PubMed and the other scientific data bases and start learning about what it is to have Asperger's and then what science has to say about minimizing symptoms.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome! You're not alone.

 

[zozie]

Welcome. There's a lot of space here to have your own view, so know that it's a good place to explore. And thank you for being open enough to share.