Take this with a grain of salt.
If I could summarize my struggles in establishing a romantic relationship, the biggest factors would be:
1) I am socially isolated and an outsider in the culture I live in. The fact I was bullied by others and still have to deal with a control freak mother does not help at all.
2) Even when I talk to others who share the same interests, the conversations still fizzle out and sometimes the other person will ghost me even if it looks like there are no issues.
3) My lack of a college degree and working only part-time at my age (37) tends to stigmatize me.
4) I have specific health issues that might make me be considered unattractive. (Metabolic syndrome and double chin.)
5) I still have problems with social anxiety, my executive function, and nightmares that mess up my headspace.
Here is what I think:
1. This sounds like trama from negative socail experiences. Bullying is an unfortunate aspect of being alive in a fallen world. There are always going to be some kind of cruel people that cross our path. This shouldn't control the path you take.
2. This tends to be due to alot of factors. This isn't solely your fault. Sometimes people are just not as interested in you, as you are in them. This goes along with the saying of 'not being able to please everyone all the time'. Don't let this drag you down.
3. This is more a personal mindset thing. No one else sees that or believes that about you. No one else cares what achievements you have or have not gained. It's not about that, contrary to what is said about success.
4. This is a subjective issue. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Anyone who downs you for such things are no someone to be around.
Especially if it's not constructive criticism.
5. Two of these can be fixed with time and effort. The 'executive funtion' thing is something out of your control. So don't let that stop you from being you anyway. But be mindful to not use it as a crutch.
I still get flashbacks of constantly being told (Sometimes screamed at me) by my parents that I didn’t need a girlfriend, I was too introverted, and I had nothing to offer. It didn’t help that they also kept me stuck at home when I wasn’t at school.
Parents shouldn't determine anyone's future, due to person hang-ups and self-induced guilts. That's putting thier personal stresses and guilts on thier children. And then telling a child who they are, or should be according to the parent, is a very sick personal issue on the parent's part.
This is assuming the parents are as bad as stated.
I make attempts to socialize but they don’t always go well for me. Even if I do talk to women, they will mention already having a boyfriend or husband. Usually it means I can’t be friends with them because they will also tell me they can’t hang out with me because their boyfriend/husband won’t let them. Besides two women I know personally, that’s been the rule for me.
The 'I have a boyfriend' thing is tricky. Girls typically do this out of shyness, or out of personal insecurities. Especially now-a-days.
Very rarely is this actually the truth. So don't let that discourage you. There will eventually be someone that will accept.
I don’t think my situation is simply due to having anxiety, low confidence, and being social awkward. Unlucky social circumstances and being in the wrong places have compounded my struggles.
This is actually true. Socail situations tend to make things hard these days. And it's not exactly getting better.
But don't use this as an excuse.
Those who used to be my friends and stopped for whatever reasons they had knew I was single and wanted a girlfriend. If they saw me now, I fear what they would say, especially if they found out I am still struggling with the same issues.
Don't even sweat it. What they think is irrelevant. Especially if they had thier own reasons for moving on. I doubt they are even thinking about it. So don't give it a thought either.
