Tried to give up but I just can’t

[Wizardry]

It sounds like you're trying to justify your lack of success. While that may help your self-esteem, I think focusing on the past and other external factors is harmful. I see @Markness and others frequently discouraged when they focus on the past and all the disadvantages they perceive because of it. I find it more helpful to focus on things that are within my power to change. I've noticed that people who think this way tend to be more successful in life while those who attribute their problems to external factors outside their control tend to feel helpless and much less successful.

Do you think the factors I've cited as having influenced my lack of success are trivial, or do you think someone with those disadvantages is more likely to genuinely have a harder time with dating?

If the former, then I'm sorry, but I can only assume your personal responsibility free will mindset has you minimising the reality of the effects of inequality of opportunity and disadvantaged starting positions.

If the latter, don't you think it's important to identify why dating has been hard in order to figure out how to work around those disadvantages?

There's a difference between ruminating about things that happened in the past unproductively, and making sense of the past in a way that offers clarity about why things went wrong then, and what is required for present and future success.

If these disadvantages are pertinent, pretending that they don't exist and trying to make an effort anyway is not likely to yield any better results than the past did.

You're willing to acknowledge that 2-3 out of 10 men going for 7 out of 10 women likely won't get their desired results. Those men are disadvantaged relative to men of a higher level of overall attractiveness, and you think it's important for them to acknowledge where they stand in order to know what to work on to get the results they want. Is disadvantage only real and worth acknowledging when you perceive it's self-inflicted, or when one has the agency to effectively overcome it on their own?

 

[Matthias]

Do you think the factors I've cited as having influenced my lack of success are trivial, or do you think someone with those disadvantages is more likely to genuinely have a harder time with dating?

It's definitely harder.

If the former, then I'm sorry, but I can only assume your personal responsibility free will mindset has you minimising the reality of the effects of inequality of opportunity and disadvantaged starting positions.

If the latter, don't you think it's important to identify why dating has been hard in order to figure out how to work around those disadvantages?

Yes. Understanding the reason for one's problems is the first step to overcoming them.

There's a difference between ruminating about things that happened in the past unproductively, and making sense of the past in a way that offers clarity about why things went wrong then, and what is required for present and future success.

If these disadvantages are pertinent, pretending that they don't exist and trying to make an effort anyway is not likely to yield any better results than the past did.

You're willing to acknowledge that 2-3 out of 10 men going for 7 out of 10 women likely won't get their desired results. Those men are disadvantaged relative to men of a higher level of overall attractiveness, and you think it's important for them to acknowledge where they stand in order to know what to work on to get the results they want. Is disadvantage only real and worth acknowledging when you perceive it's self-inflicted, or when one has the agency to effectively overcome it on their own?

I think it's great that you're trying to understand what happened and taking action to improve yourself. I wish I saw it more often. Unfortunately, I often see people embrace a victim mentality, blaming everyone but themselves for their problems and taking no responsibility to solve them. When they talk, all I hear is various versions of "Woe is me! I'm a (helpless) victim." When others who were in their situation give them good advice, they misinterpret it as a personal attack and quickly reject it, telling themselves no one understands them.

I like to see things from a balanced perspective. Below is how I see things (regarding problems in general - not specifically referring to you or problems with dating):
One extreme - Your problems are entirely self-inflicted. You caused them and it's your responsibility to fix them
The other extreme - You're just a product of your environment. Everyone else is responsible for your situation.
My opinion - Other people put you in this situation but it's up to you to fix it.