A lot of people don't like small talk. I can't see how meaning or a bonding can be made by small talk. But if the purpose is to train social skills, it's great!
I always wanted to do that. I love the night. But I never got the courage to go out alone. But just sit there, enjoy myself, enjoy the night, observe how others act (it might be funny) sounds great! Problem is I don't drink, I have a pretty weak stomach.
Thank you.
Take it from my experience (and what a horrible experience it was), most people (about 99.99% of the world) LOVE small talk. They really do not want to know about your deeper thoughts and obsessions. volunteering your private thoughts and information is just asking for trouble. Keep that for later... much later! after years of being good friends with a person (and even then, base your trust on the track record of that person... people WILL take what you give them and use it to deal terrible damage to you if they have a reason to).
Yes, small talk seems pointless to you (I feel the same... I cannot see a reason to talk about such pointless things to people, but society demands that I HAVE TO do this).
For most people, conversation is a kind of game. the topic is irrelevant, the fun is derided from the fact you are interacting with each other.
Small talk is merely those things both people can relate to immediately (the weather, the work you are both doing, the food you are consuming, interesting elements of the room you are both standing in, etc.). It is non-confrontational and all participants in a conversation use it to feel their way towards more engaging mutually interesting topics.
Small talk slowly transitions to big talk! ultimately, if the person finds you interesting to talk to, you will end up talking about deep and meaningful things anyways! you just have to work your way up to those complex topics.
Remember also that people have a memory and will remember you... If you only gleaned the name of that waitress from her name tag, introduced yourself to her, and engaged her in a three minute conversation about what a beautiful day it was (during which she mentioned that her favourite flower is the rose) while she took your order... next time you visit that caf? and you are served by her, you now know the persons name (and they likely remember your name) and you know she likes roses. This time you can skip the introduction by referring to the worker by their name (which they will appreciate... it is better than being called "you there!" or "hey you!"), add something interesting you have learnt about roses, engage in some different small talk (and through learn some more personal interests and opinions of the worker). Over time, you will learn quite a bit about that worker, inside jokes will develop, and you will become a "regular customer" (you will be known on a first name basis, they will ask questions about your life, they will know where you sit, what you will eat and what other dishes you might be interested in. if you were to encounter these people away from their workplace, they will likely even converse with you on the spot because they are familiar with you).
Do this enough and you will gain many social skills. Small talk, though stupid, really is the key you are missing.
The pub? you have to go alone! how else are you going to minimise your distraction? you don't have to talk to nobody, just walk in, get yourself a drink (they serve orange juice, coke, pub squash, and other drinks at pubs you know?) and take a table in a shadowy corner. People will leave you alone (usually they are talking with friends or watching sports TV), so you will have the freedom to observe as much as you wish.
) and saying loud things, men also are able to do their moves (I didn't pay too much atention on men:spin
