This feeling I get with girls

[FromEquestria2LA]

https://www.change.org/p/convention-sta ... reason_msg - First, a disclaimer: This is not a post soliciting to have people sign this petition. I am only mentioning it to prove a point in this post. Secondly: Refrain from posting ANYTHING negative, please. With that out of the way....

It's come to my attention that one of my friends (a guy) and I are illustrating the man targeted in this petition is why so many women have barriers up even when it comes to us innocent guys. The question is, why does it have to be this way?

My social skills are not perfect, I've actually improved in 10 years, but what the person targeted in this petition is NOT me by any means.

The petition states that said person has begun harassing female cosplayers online with sexually charged comments and private messages, as well as threats of physical harm toward people who have asked that he stop. While online interactions are one thing and generally can be easily resolved, his behavior has recently caused issues at his college, which resulted in his being expelled. He had taken up stalking female students and harassing them in person on campus grounds.

It baffles me. I am interested in a girl from FL which I explained in the Social Skills section of the forum, but she is somewhat unwilling to talk to me. I hope I can find a way to be her friend without being, well, too overreaching, if you get my drift. Any expert help here? Thanks.

 

[Slithytoves]

Let me make sure I understand what you're saying. It reads like you're suggesting that the actions of this young man with apparent psychopathology reflects badly on average guys who are interested in girls and want to pursue them in a healthy way. Is that right? And this is making you worried that any attempt you make to reach out to a girl you are interested in might be misconstrued as stalking?

You might find this article helpful in moderating your own behavior: The Line Between Stalking and Pursuing Someone You Like a Lot Explained

What do you mean when you say this girl you like is "somewhat unwilling" to talk to you? Do you have any insight as to why?

It's a sad reality that many young women are subject to unwanted attention from men. Social media only makes it worse, because it gives men so much access to someone who may not appreciate the contact. It can really feel like a violation. I've been pursued online myself, to the point where my online accounts in social forums are all under a pseudonym. One bad experience can make a woman paranoid for the duration. Why is it like this? Statistically, one in five females are subject to some form of sexual abuse in their lifetime (National Sexual Violence Resource Center). From the number of women I've talked to who have shared experience of sexual abuse, I'd say that number is grossly underestimated. Just knowing that makes us generally wary, and not only about people who we meet in person. We should be wary, though you're right that it does make things hard for well-intentioned admirers.

All you can do is understand and respect boundaries. If this girl isn't warming to you, I'm afraid you may have to give up once you have exhausted the acceptable range of contact. If you know her on a forum, maybe she will eventually become more open if she enjoys your posts to other people long enough. In person, I watch how a guy interacts with others as part of my assessment of whether he might be someone I want to know. A version of this type of observation can happen on a forum, too. You may have more luck appealing to her in entirely nonthreatening ways that don't involve her directly. Just try not to follow her from thread to thread to much, or "like" everything she says. That can be perceived as a kind of stalking, too.