Thinking I've found my people...

[Lady Penelope]

Ummm..hello?
I've recently concluded I have aspergers.
I wasn't sure at first cos i read mainly the male attributes. Then i researched asperger adult women and ... wow.
It was like an autobiography. Effing scary but comforting simultaneously.
Now i know why i am the way i am...but what to do about it....?
Living in my head is all I've known and now at 35...well...I'm still lost but i think there's light ahead. Anyone had late life diagnosis and able to give me feedback? Advice? Guidance?

 

[xudo]

Welcome

I was diagnosed last year, at 30. For me, it was just an explanation of why I do the things I do and why I'm terrible at certain things (like socialising). I didn't feel the need to change anything, or to do anything at all really, but maybe someone else here can help you with advice and guidance.

 

[Lady Penelope]

Thank you for replying. Knowing someone read what i wrote means a lot right now so thanks heaps

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Well for the services available to autistic people they need to have a official diagnosis. But there are self help books out there and numerous things which aren't specifically aimed at autistic individuals but will be useful regardless. Although I haven't read it all, the book 'Living Well on the Spectrum' has been a good read so far. It gives you practical solutions and walkthroughs to many of the problems we face such as time keeping and forgetfulness. It's a fairly thick, A4 sized book complete with illustrations and worksheets.

There's also things out there on the internet, sites like YouTube which can help with things like how to be successful in keeping a conversation going, all you need to do is search for them. Be creative in your approach to problems you face.

It also helps if you become well acquainted to the condition - but also be mindful that you don't make the mistake of seeing asocial behaviour in lots of people and start wondering if they're on the spectrum, although you may be right in certain cases. If you know the condition inside out you should have a better understanding of your deficits.

But from all of that don't get the idea that you're 'curing' yourself. What they are is coping mechanisms. If you put too much together you can exhaust yourself with trying to do too much. You will have to come to the conclusion that you're who you are and fundamentally you can't change that.

 

[Lady Penelope]

Thank you so much. I'll definitely keep that in mind and will look into your very helpful suggestions. Most appreciated.
I'm not looking for a cure...don't view it as a disease. Just looking to understand.

 

[Aspie_rin]

Welcome to the club! Learning as much as you can on aspergers would be very helpful (but make sure it's reliable info), and if you ever need help you can always count on us. To me this forum feels like home (finally, people who are like me!), I hope you will feel as welcome here as I did!

I know you don't view it as a disease, but I think it's important to learn about the strenghts aspergers can give you. This would be very uplifting, and you could harness those strenght to do better in life, even if you won't necessarily follow the mainstream path.

 

[Mia]

Welcome @Lady Penelope to the forum and yes, I was fifty-five when I discovered this. It too read like my life's story. Two years in, and married to someone with autism, I couldn't figure out why our marriage worked so well, when all I ever read about aspie relationships with others ended in divorce. Then discovered that autism presents differently in females. Here are some links:
Aspienwomen: Moving towards an adult female profile of Autism/Asperger Syndrome
The lost girls | Spectrum
Autism--It's Different in Girls

 

[LittleLemon]

I was diagnosed at 31 and like you, I wasn't sure I had it until I started reading up on how females present differently. It's still an overwhelming feeling to me. It's been a year since I pretty much knew. I feel like I was given a precious key to unlocking things about myself. I used my diagnosis to get autism tailored therapy to help me through the things I struggle with the most such as parenting my Aspie daughter which was a mystery until a year ago and also just learning how to make small talk to maybe make some friends.

You've come to the right place. Welcome!!

 

[Guppyfry]

I was in my late thirties when like you, I read about Asperger's for the first time, and all the bells went off! Ding! Ding! Ding! FINALLY - it all fit!

As to how it helped to know, it was a great relief to know that I wasn't: stupid, mentally ill, slow, lazy, lacking motivation, or a cry-baby wimp, and there wasn't actually anything wrong with me, as in, I wasn't crazy! It was relief to realize that I was just doing my very best under difficult conditions, and could take pride in all that I had accomplished despite the Asperger's.

It also helped a lot when seeking counselling. In the past, some not-so-good counsellors would tell me that I was just not trying hard enough, that I was wallowing in self-pity, that I needed to toughen up and just go out there and socialize, etc . . . Now I seek out counsellors who have some understanding of Asperger's and the help and support I get is much more practical, encouraging and useful with the Asperger's taken into account.

Knowing about Asperger's also helped me realize that many of the daily stressed I deal with are NOT things that stress Neurotypicals out (Just walking down a busy street with lots of traffic, for example - SUPER stressful!), and that I need to organize my life in a way where these stressors can be kept to a minimum.

 

[toothless]

hi lady penelope,welcome to AC!
do you like reading books? i actually come across a book last night that sounds perfect for you,its written by a woman who was diagnosed in her early twenties and its about her life and how ASD affects females,im going to get it as i still have some throwbacks to my biological femaleness-i am female to male transgender and LFA.

the book is called 'odd girl out: an autistic woman in a neurotypical world'.
Odd Girl Out: An autistic woman in a neurotypical world: Amazon.co.uk: Laura James: 9781509843060: Books
its out next month.

theres a few more books that may interest you:
the independant womans handbook for supersafe living on the autistic spectrum:
Women and Girls with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Understanding Life Experiences from Early Childhood to Old Age: Amazon.co.uk: Sarah Hendrickx: 9781849055475: Books

women and girls with autism spectrum disorder: understanding life experiences from early childhood to old age:
Women and Girls with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Understanding Life Experiences from Early Childhood to Old Age: Amazon.co.uk: Sarah Hendrickx: 9781849055475: Books

 

[Suzanne]

Hi there and so very much welcome to an amazing forum!

I joined aspie central a couple of year's ago, really to see if I would fit in or would discover that, actually I do not have aspergers and found that, not only do I have aspergers, but pretty high on the spectrum.

When I first came across the word aspergers, I was like you: wow this is how I am, accept I do not have a monotoned voice or blank expression and can read facial expressions, but actually, I realised that I had learned to do read expressions and that I do go into blank mode sometimes; but because I am on my own mostly, it has never been commented on, accept once, not long ago, I was asked to stop staring at this lady I was talking to. I had not even realised it as I was staring in to space, as the saying goes.

Even though I do not have a formal diagnosis, finding out about aspergers has helped in certain areas, like when I feel overwhelmed, I do not feel so crushed to remove myself from that environment now. I turned down my first social gathering not so long ago and it felt marvelous. My husband went with my blessing and it was commented on that I was missed, but how, better to be missed than ignored whilst there lol

It does get tricky however, when you are mostly surrounded by NT's ( neurotypicals), because then the differences are rather stark and I still get that sense of: I am odd.

You truly have come to the right forum.

 

[Knit Hat]

Ummm..hello?
I've recently concluded I have aspergers.
I wasn't sure at first cos i read mainly the male attributes. Then i researched asperger adult women and ... wow.
It was like an autobiography. Effing scary but comforting simultaneously.
Now i know why i am the way i am...but what to do about it....?
Living in my head is all I've known and now at 35...well...I'm still lost but i think there's light ahead. Anyone had late life diagnosis and able to give me feedback? Advice? Guidance?

Welcome aboard!!

 

[Judge]

Yeah. You've come to the right place.

Welcome to AC.

 

[Lady Penelope]

Welcome to the club! Learning as much as you can on aspergers would be very helpful (but make sure it's reliable info), and if you ever need help you can always count on us. To me this forum feels like home (finally, people who are like me!), I hope you will feel as welcome here as I did!

I know you don't view it as a disease, but I think it's important to learn about the strenghts aspergers can give you. This would be very uplifting, and you could harness those strenght to do better in life, even if you won't necessarily follow the mainstream path.

Thank you. From what I've read so far it kind of feels like we have a super power ! The things i have accomplished in my life seem all the more amazing to me now. I'm comforted knowing what i thought were idiosyncratic quirks were actually normal...i was just a fish out of water. Just need to head back into the ocean!

 

[Lady Penelope]

Hi there and so very much welcome to an amazing forum!

I joined aspie central a couple of year's ago, really to see if I would fit in or would discover that, actually I do not have aspergers and found that, not only do I have aspergers, but pretty high on the spectrum.

When I first came across the word aspergers, I was like you: wow this is how I am, accept I do not have a monotoned voice or blank expression and can read facial expressions, but actually, I realised that I had learned to do read expressions and that I do go into blank mode sometimes; but because I am on my own mostly, it has never been commented on, accept once, not long ago, I was asked to stop staring at this lady I was talking to. I had not even realised it as I was staring in to space, as the saying goes.

Even though I do not have a formal diagnosis, finding out about aspergers has helped in certain areas, like when I feel overwhelmed, I do not feel so crushed to remove myself from that environment now. I turned down my first social gathering not so long ago and it felt marvelous. My husband went with my blessing and it was commented on that I was missed, but how, better to be missed than ignored whilst there lol

It does get tricky however, when you are mostly surrounded by NT's ( neurotypicals), because then the differences are rather stark and I still get that sense of: I am odd.

You truly have come to the right forum.

Hi...I'm pretty sure I'm high functioning aspergers. My main issues are getting out of my head...at night i replay every conversation and interaction i had but change what i say ... social situations are an issue for me. I cancel just about everything and if i can't get out of it i have an anxiety attack...l dont have any friends, just acquaintances who think I'm popular (i initially thought i was just introverted after reading the Susan Cain book QUIET) and have learned to cover really well. Most ppl think I'm popular (hilarious to me) due to how i look and present..i get anxiety about small insignificant stuff like making chit chat on the phone...phone calls in general actually. I wish ppl would just text! The list goes on... really good to hear about others here and their kryptonite.