The reluctance to socialize

[Moomin]

So my mom wants me to make friends.

It’s not like I haven’t made friends before. I made a few at university, some I even still talk to on occasion. Unfortunately, I’m in a different country from them so I’m not able to see them socially. In some ways I feel like I’ve reverted and been out of practice for a while that when I do have to go out and socialize I’m relieved when it’s over because I seem to get tired after a certain point of socializing that in the end I find myself to be very drained afterwards which then leads me to feeling emotionally drained. And yet, I do want friends. I do want to cultivate friendships and have healthy and happy ones were I have friends that actually want to be around me, and not have me on the outer layer of their friendship circle. And yet I’m also reluctant to put myself out there because I’ve been out of active practice and I’m worried that nobody would want to “hang out” with me.

Does anyone else feel like this? Do you also get very tired after socializing?

 

[Isadoorian]

Yesss; I moved almost a year ago now and I have no friends where I am, though I do go out and play Magic (as in Magic the Gathering) every Friday Night... they're all fairly friendly people as well thankfully

 

[Fino]

I think pretty much everyone here gets very tired after socializing, and I've seen it explained as being caused by the fact that it's significantly more work for us to do it, what with the interpretating and analyzing and such. And sensory issues.

 

[Moomin]

Yesss; I moved almost a year ago now and I have no friends where I am, though I do go out and play Magic (as in Magic the Gathering) every Friday Night... they're all fairly friendly people as well thankfully

Good on you for going out to play Magic! It’s good when they’re all friendly too. Hope that continues to go well.

 

[Isadoorian]

Good on you for going out to play Magic! It’s good when they’re all friendly too. Hope that continues to go well.

Yeah I've been going since June or July; I've been playing it for over 3 years now, have a giant collection lol; stopped going temporarily in August/September due to some things going on at home (parents are in the middle of separating/divorcing) but I started to go again a few weeks ago to give myself something else to do and help keep my mind off of all that

 

[Moomin]

I think pretty much everyone here gets very tired after socializing, and I've seen it explained as being caused by the fact that it's significantly more work for us to do it, what with the interpretating and analyzing and such. And sensory issues.

Yeah, I’ve had that theorized to me before. I agree. Sometimes it’s too much. Brain never stops analyzing every single detail.

I’ve known aspies who enjoy the social element. I’m not entirely sure how they can do it but maybe they give it a really good push to try....

Or maybe I need a beer or something...

 

[Moomin]

Yeah I've been going since June or July; I've been playing it for over 3 years now, have a giant collection lol; stopped going temporarily in August/September due to some things going on at home (parents are in the middle of separating/divorcing) but I started to go again a few weeks ago to give myself something else to do and help keep my mind off of all that

Awesome! Good that you’re doing that. And I’m sorry about your home situation. My home situation is complicated so I’m glad that you’re able to get out and give yourself something to focus on instead. Keep collecting.

 

[Isadoorian]

Awesome! Good that you’re doing that. And I’m sorry about your home situation. My home situation is complicated so I’m glad that you’re able to get out and give yourself something to focus on instead. Keep collecting.

indeed; and I will the Store here gives out Participation Booster Packs at the end of the night so I get new cards from each new Set that comes out thankfully, which means I'm not quite behind in getting my hands on Standard Legal cards at times either

 

[Judge]

Does anyone else feel like this? Do you also get very tired after socializing?

It's exhausting for me right down to the usual tension headache. Even when socializing is positive.

<sigh>....the life of an Aspie.

 

[Fino]

I enjoy monthly socializing with certain people for short periods of time!

 

[the_tortoise]

Friends are great but socializing is exhausting.

 

[Dillon]

I like socializing but at the same time I don’t. I don’t mind talking to someone but if I have to constantly be engaged in socializing I get kind of annoyed by it. I don’t feel the social anxiety but more of the way of I just really don’t want to talk to anyone at a given moment.
I especially don’t like socializing in a group setting knowing that when I try try to talk, I always have that one rude person or so talk over me so I end up saying nothing.

 

[Kyou Nukui]

I would really like to have a few friends, and I'm sick of being lonely and talking to myself; but I have no idea how to begin or where to find people who want to be friends with me.
I don't really understand the phrase "put yourself out there". Out where exactly?
I always imagine a street corner for some reason lol. xD
Where do friendly, welcoming people hang out? I just stay at home. :/

 

[Progster]

Yes, socialising - in particular talking, is exhausting, because it requires a lot of mental effort and concentration.

 

[Moomin]

I especially don’t like socializing in a group setting knowing that when I try try to talk, I always have that one rude person or so talk over me so I end up saying nothing.

I feel like I could have wrote this part myself. I have social anxiety during social situations but nothing quite gets to me more than when I have to do group socializing. Usually I have to just sit and listen. I don’t enjoy it. It very much perturbed me when I did this back in September. I don’t want to appear disinterested or anything like that but I also feel a great pressure during these group socializing that when I do speak, I usually get spoken over. I don’t think others really register that I’m talking and they’re probably not doing it in malice but for me it always feels like it’s better to not say anything.

It’s exhausting even to think about it...

 

[Moomin]

I would really like to have a few friends, and I'm sick of being lonely and talking to myself; but I have no idea how to begin or where to find people who want to be friends with me.
I don't really understand the phrase "put yourself out there". Out where exactly?
I always imagine a street corner for some reason lol. xD
Where do friendly, welcoming people hang out? I just stay at home. :/

Yeah I get the confusion with the gets yourself out there. Friends, dating, any other form of human contact... and you’re left wondering how do I do this, where do I meet people etc.

I was a lot worse when I was younger. I have had to push myself to do things like go outside and leave the safety of my bedroom. It’s still a struggle even now, not quite as bad as it was but if I’m having a bad day or feeling the aftermath of the effort from a previous venture, I’m staying at home. And then of course, I miss out on things because I stay at home. Can’t really win at times...

 

[Pats]

You know how noises just start mingling together and sounding like one loud roaring sound? I never liked being around a group of people and I've just realized why it's even harder now. I've got tinnitus (constant ringing which can be loud and hard to hear over it). So when people are talking it just jumbles in with the ringing and other sounds and I can't understand anything being said. Yesterday when I took my grandkids home, my daughter and son in law and son and daughter in law were having a conversation and I didn't understand a single word being said because it's just noise. I get even more uncomfortable than I did just being around people - now I'm around them and have no idea what they're saying. I hate it. Maybe one of the reasons I do better on here and on facebook - because I know what's being said?

 

[Joshua the Writer]

I'm not willing to socialize in (online) school events such as a field trip unless it's with somebody I know who is there and who I've been talking to for a while. It's just because I have a fear of being judged while talking to somebody, especially my lack of eye contact.

 

[Bolletje]

I’m always reluctant to go out and socialize, but I get miserable if I stay in too much. So I make myself go out there.

 

[Graphin]

As only my kindergarten and I understood (not parents, teachers) I want to socialize a lot, not that I can do it especially with NTs, granted I have the right environment and people, which practically never happens.
I do get tired of socializing quickly.

Never had true friends, lonely here.