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The Perfectionist Mindset: the Root of All Problems

As an example, I almost killed a patient when I was a paramedic because I was following doctor's orders perfectly.

A crew on an ambulance brought in a patient with an IV, and the IV bag had expired 3 months before . . . so our medical director did a surprise inspection, and they discovered expired meds on 20% of the trucks, and he was beyond furious.

"Under no circumstances will you ever used expired meds! There are no grey areas, no extenuating circumstances, and there are no exceptions. This is a black and white rule that you're either following or you're not. Anyone ever using expired meds will be immediately fired, with no exceptions. You must follow this policy perfectly."

Well . . . we had a hurricane coming through, and it was the last day of the month, and the meds on my truck expired at midnight.

The system was drastically overloaded, as we were evacuating people in nonemergency transports from coastal nursing homes.

My superiors put me out on this last truck, as we were only to be a nonemergency taxicab to evacuate elderly folks . . . which is fine.

The problem is that we stayed out late, and--because there were no other trucks--they sent us to a call with a man having a heart attack.

Here is where I get to my point: I transported him without an IV and without using my meds because it was 12:15 AM, and the meds expired 15 minutes ago . . . and there are no grey areas or extenuating circumstances in the policy that we can't use expired meds.

I was called before a peer-review committee, and they sided with me . . . but reluctantly.

They literally said to me that "Yes, Kevin, we were all there when the medical director said those things . . . but that doesn't mean that you can't use the meds because they expired 15 minutes ago."

I showed them all my letters of commendation that I received because I'm very good at following rules . . . which made them say to me that I'm "the world's foremost on being right."

I can do the most horrible things, and show how I'm justified when everyone else knows better.

So I was cleared . . . but kept from advancement in a field where an employee's worth is measured by how well they follow rules and procedures.
I know how drug and device expiration is calculated (the point at which the 95% lower confidence limit of specification assay drops below the limit of critical specifications) and would have argued that for emergency use. Perhaps there also needs to be a rule that management is responsible for the provisioning and no unit will go out without materials that will not expire during a working shift.
Can’t blame the world if it’s all on me

The root of my problem, the perfectionist mindset

The desire to win, the killer instinct, it has pushed me so far and will only drive me

But here’s the problem, it can be backfire. Too much of anything is terrible

I have a hard time dealing with expectations, mainly because I want to be respected, I want to be liked, I want to win

In some ways, I also want to be feared though that’s getting better

Anyways, I’m still trying to build my life and form an indestructible identity

I certainly want to leave a lasting legacy, when it’s all said and done
I get what you mean.

Human beings have always desired to have the best life for themselves, but the idea gets lost in the confusion. Established society causes that confusion. But it's not all bad. Just annoying. Depending on how you want to see it.

But knowing what you want and not losing it to societal distractions. You can achieve anything.

In some ways, I also want to be feared

I understand what you are trying to say. But saying 'I want to be feared', can have underlying dubious implications. Without context.
For your edification, the "killer instinct" visualized Alec Baldwin style, which is not that different from Charlie Sheen "winning".


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