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The past week; still not sure how/what to feel

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Isadoorian, Sep 29, 2020.

  1. Isadoorian

    Isadoorian Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    May 16, 2018
    So, last Monday, my Dad came into my room to talk to me, and told me that he'd be having a Family Meeting this past Weekend.

    He told me he would be asking his Girlfriend shy of 2 years to marry him some time soon.

    The prospect of this, I'm still unsure of. I figured maybe this would happen, yes, but not so quickly. And I still don't know if my parents are even done with their divorce proceedings.

    I once ranted about this seemingly theoretical happening in another online group of mine, after seeing someone tease about it happening on one of my dads Facebook posts sometime last year, as I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea of my parents separating and divorcing over 2 years later, along with each seeing new people.

    For those with Step Parents, what was going through your mind when you discovered that your parent was getting engaged to someone else? And then having them re-marry? Just because I could really use some guidance going forward.

    Thank you in advance
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  2. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Mar 4, 2018
    It didnt bother me at all. They clearly didn't get on and they decided to split up. Then they found partners they felt happy to be with. It's their life, and I was happy for them. With respect, beyond a certain point I don't really think it's any business of adult children of someone, who the person dates or marries. Unless there's some sort of clear problem, they have a life and they need to get on with it. I was happy for my parents and glad they were not burdening me with their needs or unhappiness, which is one of the alternatives in this scenario.

    Actually because I was an adult in my early 20s, I didn't see the new partners as Step parents. They were just people. My dad remarried 3 times btw...

    I like that your dad is updating you so well, that's helpful. It would probably be good to think about your own present and future, and put energy into that. Maybe that would distract you from focussing too much on this. Also you'd be able to bring up any points about that to your dad and talk them through. What are your plans, and how can they be achieved?
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  3. Alexej

    Alexej Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Jul 13, 2019
    I am reacting to the bit of the title "not sure how to feel".

    I often don't know what to feel, but then that is surely what is the culturally acceptable thing to feel at this juncture. However, this is not how feelings go, they arise and have a logic of their own. It is in trying to find the why of your feelings you can get clues to what is going on inside.

    What is going on inside you is your process, it is what it is - and that is fine. It is the truth of your reaction to the world (for good or ill). Your reaction is your truth and that is true.

    Don't worry about how you "should" feel, that is a waste of your time and a distraction from your experience.

    (BTW - I was dazed and shocked when my parents told me they were separating - I just did not see that one coming even though they had been living in searate bedrooms for several years.)