The old green-eyed monster

[Christian T]

I'm ashamed to say that I'm very prone to envy. Whenever another person achieves highly in a field I practise in, I impulsively and instantly resent them, and if I do make the effort to compliment them as others do, it is a painfully awkward experience.

Perhaps, say if at school someone beats me to an apt translation of something in French - one of my favourite subjects - I resent them because they can get their heads around PE - which I'm terrible at and gladly no longer doing - and this subject as well, and all whilst keeping their carefree NT swagger.

Does anyone else have these Evil Queen tendencies, or am I the only one obsessed with being the fairest of them all?

At this point, that's what I'm terrified to hear from all of you, but let's see where this thread goes.

 

[Bay]

I suppose at I have always been prone to it, but as I have gotten older I see that everyone has their own sets of issues that I would not want, even those who appear to have everything going for them. I have gained some perspective, I suppose. I am often told that I appear to be cool, calm and collected and to "have it all together". To me that is laughable. Inside I am a jumbled mess of insecurities and self-doubt.

 

[Gomendosi]

Envy can be considered healthy in some respects, and in small doses! It keeps us striving to better ourselves I think.

I have a situation wherein, I know a bloke that has a young, vital and attractive partner, a decent car, a good enough job and the pair of them are paying off their own house together, he has a few hobbies that allow him to interact with likeminded people and he is therefore sociable, and then add in to that, that his life is the supposed ideal I had always aspired too!

I envy him his life and lifestyle, but should I envy him, no, because he has problems too... and he tells me them all the time, yet it is incredibly difficult to have somebody who you think has it all, come around and tell you how hard it is to seem like that. I don’t know wether to be madder at him for dumping his problems on me knowing I will bust a gut trying to give him helpful advice or if I should be mad at him for bursting my bubble and telling me what life is really like when you only appear to have it all.

In truth I know he doesn’t live like a king, he just lives differently and with what appears to be less effort, more fun and actually with someone, but he still envies others as well I think, perhaps he would like to be as carefree as maybe I appear to him, with my lack of employment and stacks of DVD’s and unattached status, wouldn’t he be surprised that having no job makes me miserable, I haven’t got any motivation to watch any of my DVD’s and I probably couldn’t be forced at gunpoint to ask a lady out because how would I ever look at them again if they said no!

We always think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence but in truth you are already lucky in what you have, so just continue to do your best and endeavour for more, oh and don’t regret too much that you don’t have what the other person has, they might just be thinking the same thing about you ; ]

 

[buckyboy14]

I am an envious person. From Kindergarten through 2nd grade, I had never met anyone smarter than me. However, when I switched schools in 3rd grade, there was a kid there who was BRILLIANT. He knew everything, and bested me in almost everything I was good at. I spent my entire time in elementary school being jealous of him, and it wasn't until my last two years in junior high school that I was able to truly appreciate him; unfortunately, I moved to a different school to begin high school, and still have never gotten in touch with him (although I did see him participate on this year's Teen Jeopardy! He's that smart).

 

[Christian T]

Thanks Bay and Gomendosi for making me realise that all those seemingly perfect people are probably just as insecure as myself. And buckyboy 14, this incredibly right student you speak of, how did he present himself? Was he arrogant or modest? I'm curious, and glad to hear that someone else has an academic nemesis.

I also might tell you, and I'm even more ashamed to confess this fact, that when I first came onto these forums, my first feelings were bent slightly towards jealousy. There was a certain pride I felt in having completely unique traits and issues, and I lost it when I saw that many others had them also.

Quite pathetic, I know, but that's the dark side of psychology for you.

 

[buckyboy14]

And buckyboy 14, this incredibly right student you speak of, how did he present himself? Was he arrogant or modest? I'm curious, and glad to hear that someone else has an academic nemesis.

He was an incredibly modest person. Once I finally got over my jealousy of him, he was a joy to be around and with whom to converse.

 

[buckyboy14]

And buckyboy 14, this incredibly right student you speak of, how did he present himself? Was he arrogant or modest? I'm curious, and glad to hear that someone else has an academic nemesis.

He was an incredibly modest person. Once I finally got over my jealousy of him, he was a joy to be around and with whom to converse.

 

[Christian T]

Glad to hear it, buckyboy14.

 

[Arashi222]

See now I don't have that, I get jelaous and envious of people but not in the same way. I get upset and frustrated and envious when its obvious that other people can make and keep friends better than I can. I get jealous over the people I would have wanted to be my friends but who for various reason will probably never be my friend and watching them make friends so easily. That is what gets me all green-eyed.

 

[total-recoil]

I've felt in a way envious because I'm aware more than ever my condition has held me back a lot socially in the past. What I mean by that is although I can develop educational skills I've always lagged in common everyday skills you need to get on in life. So, my friends will do well in routine jobs and earn plenty of money and I feel like a bystander. It made me feel inadequate. Maybe I could go so far as to say I'm not really very employable (although have worked and still wish to work).
However, now I think I can let go of the negative feelings and try and be happy for my friends. You can't be all the same. Maybe if I were the same as them I wouldn't be who I am and perhaps I like being who I am anyway. So, really, we are all different and it's best to try and find the positive in yourself rather than focus on the success of others. I just find it kind of hard to be accept I will always be a bit misunderstood by people in general and that lack of acceptance makes me less successful so better to explore alternative approaches.

I'm ashamed to say that I'm very prone to envy. Whenever another person achieves highly in a field I practise in, I impulsively and instantly resent them, and if I do make the effort to compliment them as others do, it is a painfully awkward experience.

Perhaps, say if at school someone beats me to an apt translation of something in French - one of my favourite subjects - I resent them because they can get their heads around PE - which I'm terrible at and gladly no longer doing - and this subject as well, and all whilst keeping their carefree NT swagger.

Does anyone else have these Evil Queen tendencies, or am I the only one obsessed with being the fairest of them all?

At this point, that's what I'm terrified to hear from all of you, but let's see where this thread goes.