The Love & Dating thread.

[thejuice]

Thank you, @Kalinychta . The saddest thing is recognizing the inability to pick up social signals. When I look back, I see that through my confusions I sometimes closed off connection. Once in HS, on a Saturday a girl called me to ask questions about a lesson. Instead of picking up my book to go to her house and study together, I rattled off the answers. I now feel bad about that. Had I done the nice thing and connected I may have had the confidence to ask her out and go to the prom with a nice girl.

I talked to my female therapist about being scared of a friendship sliding into a long term relationship because I hadnt 'played the field' so to speak and she answered that theres barely a man around who doesnt regret not having more sex in his youth haha. Its why were afraid of commitment!

 

[thejuice]

I will hate and resent this quote and statement until the day I die or until my last breath and that is that there is someone for everyone and I'm sure Tony Ramirez would agree with that as well I don't get why Society came up with that statement or quote in the first place

yes thats definitely not true. There are genetic losers in the dating game and ones attitude has absolutely nothing to do with that.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

yes thats definitely not true. There are genetic losers in the dating game and ones attitude has absolutely nothing to do with that.

Absolutely, I always hated and resented courtship and I know I will until the day I die until my last breath but I know that hating the way courtship Works would be just like hating that we have earthquakes and hurricanes

 

[thejuice]

Yeah exactly and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die

 

[Shaped01]

What’s something you like about your partner? I’m glad he gives me things to do, a mission. I like feeling like I have things to accomplish. I like to try to please him.

 

[Rodafina]

I’m glad he gives me things to do, a mission.

Could you give an example of things he gives you to do?

 

[Glennwood Road Ent 21]

25 year old young Christian man from Latin America and The Caribbean Region who is diagnosed with autism here

Where do I find any girlfriend who is diagnosed with autism?

Can autistic girl wear leather pants for autism spectrum date with their autistic boyfriends?

 

[Glennwood Road Ent 21]

Can autistic girls get Topless in leather pants showing their breasts for autism spectrum date?​

 

[Raggamuffin]

Oddly specific question.

People can do what they choose. Asking if autistic girls in general would do this is a little nonsensical. Every person is an individual.

If you have some sort of fantasy, then discuss it with the person you're dating.

Ed

 

[Glennwood Road Ent 21]

Asking if autistic girls in general would do this is a little nonsensical.

What nonsensical means to you?

 

[Raggamuffin]

It's like asking would British women do this.
Or Greek women.

Every single woman with Autism is unique. To ask if they'd get topless in leather pants on a date makes little sense. Considering they're all individuals, asking if they collectively would fulfill your fantasy is bizarre.

Ed

 

[Tired]

Can autistic girls get Topless in leather pants showing their breasts for autism spectrum date?​

I can't stop laughing at this, such a bizarre question

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Can autistic girls get Topless in leather pants showing their breasts for autism spectrum date?​

Huh!?!?!? What fresh nonsense is that? Why would I ever want to look at a woman as an object? I enjoyed seeing a woman's depth of character and for some reason that did not include their breast sizes.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I talked to my female therapist about being scared of a friendship sliding into a long term relationship because I hadnt 'played the field' so to speak and she answered that theres barely a man around who doesnt regret not having more sex in his youth haha. Its why were afraid of commitment!

I was stuck on the whole quantity of sex until I recognized that it was societal messaging from guys I detested. Among my male peer group, sexuality was talked about with bravado as if it was a status competition. Sex was treated as:
- a score to tally
- a proof of masculinity
- an accomplishment to boast about
- a thing you can fail at by “falling behind”

This was not me. Yet the only thing communicated to me was a transactional view of sex:
- “If I achieve X, I’m worthwhile.”
- “If she gives me sex, I’m validated.”
- “If I don’t get enough sex, I’m failing.”

That injured me when I internalized such an objectifying view of sex. Instead, I started realizing a healthier view; to understand vulnerability, to negotiate desires, and that intimacy and sex are connected. Because of that I recognized the depth of character of my future spouse and she desired me as we connected emotionally. Sure, I never got quantity, but the quality of our intimacy was bonding. Even as an inexperienced virgin and my spouse having (poor) experiences, I achieved something transcendental; My initiation into adult sexuality allowed me to give a woman her first experience of being sexually valued. So, now I see my earlier loneliness as a speed bump, not a barrier.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

yeah, my last relationship which felt like a friendship, destroyed me and hurt me a lot mentally/emotionally. i am reluctant to call her an EX.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

What’s something you like about your partner? I’m glad he gives me things to do, a mission. I like feeling like I have things to accomplish. I like to try to please him.

What made all the difference to me was being seen and accepted by my future spouse. Our trust developed slowly, a dance of two people wounded by romance who were negotiating desire and consent.

 

[arithmetic]

Hi
I've never been loved.
It's a bit amazing to me that here are people who actually have partners and it looks like they love one another.
It's really encouraging.

... like it isn't really going to happen, but I'm here in Cairns in Australia and I don't have friends... ???

 

[Dagan]

I've been reflecting a lot and making lists to confirm areas of issue, all the way to areas that I rather excel. I still wind up feeling shame mostly, though. It's weird.

I can't be the kind of guy that is emotionally or even physically available 24/7, so if the woman wanting a relationship with me is very codependent and/or needs validation emotionally, every moment possible...I'm not the guy she'll want. The entertainment industry coupled with having a medical needs (randomly at any time) daughter both do not allow me to have an always set in stone schedule of being there for another - it makes me spur of the moment, which I don't even like myself, so I can understand if a romantic interest wanting focused priority on them would just check out and seek someone else. Now, I have done well with the physical nature of relationships, as I've not had any complaints, and yet I make this statement without any kind of arrogance or uber-confidence at all because it just makes me feel ashamed of myself. I feel like I've been used, if that makes sense, and I basically just let it keep happening, pretty much hoping that getting that area right would help (fix) the rest. It doesn't.

My "one" will have to be a gal that understands and deals with life very much the same way. She'll have to have her own work, hobbies, friends and such, and more so in the times that I have to go deal with necessities (to pay bills / do doctor appointments) and can't make her (or just don't want to bore her) being a tag-along. She'll have to know that when I am available, present and front & center...I'm all in. I will always struggle with a life that gets in the way or even whatever going on in my brain to distract me from saying all that I should / want to tell her. Still, I will be loyal and focused on her when I can be. I've just never had a life that wasn't full of people or situations that pull me every direction at any possible instance.