The anti-résumé: name a weird task or skill your ASD could grant you

[Katleya]

I came across a "pointless data broker" in a post (courtesy of @Full Steam), and that's inspired me to write a crazy résumé (or CV for our non-US based friends), in the vein of things I would write if I were brutally honest about my quirkiest abilities.

My lifetime experience as an Aspie makes me an expert:
- Unilateral sarcasm wielder
- Eyecontact avoider
- Messy organizer
- Potato chips flavor taste-tester
- Electric plug audio-controller
- Overthinker
- Lie & other bull crap outcaller

What would you put, if your traits were jobs or skills?

 

[spaceman]

People avoider
Relentless Music critic
Remeberer of useless info
Shrinking Chocolate bars detector
Open to criticism ,(only from my invisible voyeurs)

 

[Gracey]

Call a spade a spade. (Might be useful if applying to a hardware store)

Over 30yrs experience as a crunching specialist.

Consultancy level in singling out crap ideas from the slightly delusional.

Permanent residency outside of a box - sprinting around the outside - level 3

I see things.

Energy efficient and advocate against carbon footprint - I can hear if you've left something plugged in and switched on

Diagnostics analyst - let me listen to your car engine, it may not be running at it's most efficient

Result orientated - I can deliver results much faster than karma.

 

[Katleya]

Call a spade a spade. (Might be useful if applying to a hardware store)

Over 30yrs experience as a crunching specialist.

Consultancy level in singling out crap ideas from the slightly delusional.

Permanent residency outside of a box - sprinting around the outside - level 3

I see things.

Energy efficient and advocate against carbon footprint - I can hear if you've left something plugged in and switched on

Diagnostics analyst - let me listen to your car engine, it may not be running at it's most efficient

Result orientated - I can deliver results much faster than karma.

Oh, Gracey, "consultancy" level only? Shoot for the moon, I'm sure you (and many of us) can aim for partners right away
(I really love that "outside of the box" residency, too)

 

[Gracey]

Oh, Gracey, "consultancy" level only? Shoot for the moon, I'm sure you (and many of us) can aim for partners right away
(I really love that "outside of the box" residency, too)

Can't find the right course that offers associative membership with a professional body on successful completion. So stuck at consultancy for the time being.

Was thinking of going for level four on the box sprinting but I've just discovered the poetry of Robert Burns at the same time as befriending pigeons and will likely take a career break to obsess.

I am open to discussion on the creation of a moon shooting club for moon shooters though

 

[Katleya]

I am open to discussion on the creation of a moon shooting club for moon shooters though

Does it involve loud bangs from the moon shooting? I don't do too well around loud noises, unless I have my headphones on. But if I have my headphones on, what if I don't hear someone warning me of danger?

[Note to self: investigate a career as a headphone model or tester]

 

[Gracey]

Does it involve loud bangs from the moon shooting? I don't do too well around loud noises, unless I have my headphones on. But if I have my headphones on, what if I don't hear someone warning me of danger?

[Note to self: investigate a career as a headphone model or tester]

Most definitely headphones used. We could road test your new designs at our club.
Always point your gun up (who're you going to shoot at that height?)
Don't worry about danger .. you've got a gun

 

[Katleya]

In the hobby section, I should add "learning languages" and "refusing to speak to people". Katleya, a human paradox.

 

[Rasendra]

Locating the flaws in the logic or 'illogicalness' of situations/ideas
Detecting individuals that use scented 'stuff'
Upgrading inefficient situations
Deflecting social encounters through avoidance powers
Critical of a variety of foodstuff
Sniffing out the presence of alcohol or an individual smoking

 

[SusanLR]

No eye contact needed
No words needed
No clothes needed
Very good at "Mask-Q-rades"
Excels in acting
Can logic a person to death
One eyed Jack card shark
Wall building experience
Graduated Magna cume Laude from school of hard knocks

 

[The Midge]

Me:
Annoying noise detector.
Hermit
Able to reduce plastics and rubber textured items to mush through mastication.
Research fellow on the theology of the Autism condition
Wheel re-inventor
Blog starter
Apparently I quite good at creating images out of complex concepts

 

[Streetwise]

teaching you how to speak to a microphone

 

[onlything]

- Tactless remarks expert
- Pointless information seeker
- (Un)intentional sarcasm wielder
- Friendly (not)flirter
- Dumb player
- Hours-long monologues operational
- Talk to self professional
- Sweet taste obsessor
- Weather changes detector
- Days long one song listener
- Portable temperature termometer
- Cynical idealist and idealistic cynic
- Fascinator of all songs' lyrics
- Contradictory traits crackerjack
- Aaand not able to keep on track

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Non expressive statue simulator.

 

[Streetwise]

i have an inner window in my upstairs bathroom no other council house in my street has it
a council employee was astonished to see it i never knew there weren't others.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Spare physical space filler.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Persistent wrong end of stick getter

Conversational eye glaze over-er

 

[Jennacide]

Weed sniffer
Cat psychologist
Logic nazi
Overthinker
Relentless everything critic
Quiet observationalist
Schemer
Emotional sponger
Soul invader
Hearing aider
Genocidal assassin lol

 

[Gracey]

How many A4 pages are we limited to for the hobbies and interests section of the C.V?

Does the term interests include special interests or will that be separate?

 

[Katleya]

How many A4 pages are we limited to for the hobbies and interests section of the C.V?

Does the term interests include special interests or will that be separate?

Oh, knock yourself out filling out those! (Not literally, though)
Whichever you deem (in)appropriate