Telling truth is bad??

[Forest Cat]

there’s a few flags there that makes him a strange (like having an argument and blaming my sister for a broken glass that he made) And a weird expectation that she looks female all the time (with makeup, nails, dresses) Which she never really did before meeting him.

I would call that red flags. It's bad signs I would say. Doesn't sound right, it sounds iffy.

 

[foliodoe]

"Excuse" can be a verb as well. Like an excused absence. To be excused from some duty one might be required to perform. Or following a burp with "Excuse me!"

This is a good way to remember it. I was in my mid-20s before I really thought about or understood the difference.

 

[Owliet]

Despite all that followed, my sibling‘S boyfriend now wants to come for Christmas at some point. My mom asked her why he wants to come now, and she said about we will be doing more things and he isn’t doing anything so doesn’t want to be bored…

(I don’t care either way if he is coming or not. Just dont like the lies).

 

[Kalinychta]

Why is telling the truth perceived to be a negative thing? I don’t understand that if something is said about someone else, that is negative, that it is perceived to be bad and make the person angry if the person is told what has been said when they’re asking? Why do people seem to like to tell untruths to each other? And then when it is told, that they completely deny that they said it when they have said it?

I guess I am too tired for this, and messed up and should have just lied or not said anything at All. I am just done with everything.

Having been around my autistic nephew for the past few months, I actually now think that autistic people are far more sensitive to criticism and truth than non-autistic people are. Far more. We like telling the truth and being blunt to other people, but we can’t accept it when others are critical, whether gently or harshly, of us. Maybe this isn’t you, but it’s something I’ve noticed in my nephew—and I’ve also noticed that he doesn’t realize it, not at all.

 

[Rodafina]

My mom asked her why he wants to come now, and she said about we will be doing more things and he isn’t doing anything so doesn’t want to be bored

He still doesn’t sound very kind in saying this… “I’ve got nothing better to do, so I’ll come to your party.” Still frustrating, in my opinion, and disrespectful to your mother.

Herein lies the problem for me… Once people start lying, words become hollow and it is difficult to trust them the next time they speak.

So truth gives meaning to words. If someone shows a willingness to lie, it feels like it doesn’t matter what they say, because it could be a lie.

I think authenticity might be my highest value. Authenticity involves a certain level of truth, but possibly some tact and definitely respect.

@Owliet, above all else, I really hope you have some quiet time in a cozy spot to read on Christmas.

 

[Au Naturel]

Having been around my autistic nephew for the past few months, I actually now think that autistic people are far more sensitive to criticism and truth than non-autistic people are. Far more. We like telling the truth and being blunt to other people, but we can’t accept it when others are critical, whether gently or harshly, of us. Maybe this isn’t you, but it’s something I’ve noticed in my nephew—and I’ve also noticed that he doesn’t realize it, not at all.

Autistic people can be quite brutal in their truth-telling. But truth is like a flashlight. You can use it to illuminate the darkness, but it is damned impolite to shine it in people's eyes.

Or maybe it is like salt. Necessary for life, a good additive to bland food, but painful and damaging when applied to a wound.

Thoughtlessly given, "truth" can be a bad thing. If you do not care about how it affects other people then truth, bluntly applied, is a weapon. Intent doesn't matter. People on the receiving end will react accordingly. If you hurt someone with the "truth," their friends will naturally react against you.

Autistic people often do not have a secure sense of who they are. If you criticize them in some way that conflicts with their self-image, it can feel crushing. (That describes a fair proportion of my life. Very fragile ego.)

 

[Jordy]

It's arrogant to consider yourself the arbiter of truth, but some truths are so self evident that people who object them are deliberately being self-delusional. Having some self soothing delusional believes yourself is one thing, but pushing them onto other people is almost a crime in my opinion and those people deserve to be called out. These are the people that will stop you from being honest with yourself because it makes them uncomfortable and is a danger to their own believe system.

It's more or less what happened the humanities and social sciences, a group ideologically delusional people took over that just want to have a circle j*rk, and they will throw a tantrum when people discuss self evident truths that are uncomfortable or in conflict the believe system that they build their entire identity and ego around.

 

[Jordy]

Having been around my autistic nephew for the past few months, I actually now think that autistic people are far more sensitive to criticism and truth than non-autistic people are. Far more. We like telling the truth and being blunt to other people, but we can’t accept it when others are critical, whether gently or harshly, of us. Maybe this isn’t you, but it’s something I’ve noticed in my nephew—and I’ve also noticed that he doesn’t realize it, not at all.

Autistic people are bad at what i call "ego management"

 

[MildredHubble]

There are plenty of people out there who are terrible at "ego management". I think the phenomenon is far from limited to people on the spectrum.

I had an experience of poor "ego management" in the job I've posted about a few times now.

I hadn't been there long, but based on the general behaviour of my colleagues and their behaviour towards another member of staff, I had started to get the distinct impression that they were looking forward to me making a mistake that could be used as an excuse to berate me.

On this occasion I was told to put some equipment away in storage at the end of the work day. I encountered a huge mess of the stuff I was supposed to put away on the floor in the storage room. I didn't just want to dump the stuff on the floor so I hung the equipment up and improvised a quick solution to prevent them from falling down. I thought I would check in the morning on how the equipment was to be stored.

Next day I asked and I was informed of the correct way. So having a few things to do, I said I would correct the issue while I was on my rounds.

But I didn't get that far before another colleague stopped me on my way and demanded in a very angry tone that I get back to the office. When I got there he produced his phone with a picture of the 4 or 5 pieces of equipment I had been responsible for and in a raised aggressive voice demanded to know "DID YOU DO THIS?!" I agreed that I had, but before I could explain he started shouting (from about 6 inches away) "THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE!!" and gesticulating wildly at the floor.

This was really disproportionate, plus I had been on my way to sort it out. I had been "dobbed in" by the other colleague I spoke to.

I'm certain that this was just an excuse to shout and bawl at me so he could impress his authority on me.

It certainly wasn't necessary, he could have simply said "can you make sure you do it this way, not to worry, you've only been here a few weeks..." But no, he couldn't resist an opportunity to inflate his ego. He must have been over the moon to have finally found an excuse. He was certainly making the most of it!

In case you are wondering, my improvisation did not adversely effect the equipment in any way.

There were many examples of this. Not just towards myself either. Such a toxic place with so many toxic people. I'm glad to be out of there. But the experience certainly left its mark on me.

 

[Jordy]

Autistic people often do not have a secure sense of who they are. If you criticize them in some way that conflicts with their self-image, it can feel crushing. (That describes a fair proportion of my life. Very fragile ego.)

I think thats part of why autistic woman can be misdiagnosed with bpd.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I think thats part of why autistic woman can be misdiagnosed with bpd.

I think thats part of why autistic woman can be misdiagnosed with bpd.

I think your correct women tend to be more Intune with their emotions there by second guess themselves more.
you'll see this on my next post on covid. I'm full of self-confidence. Typical guy.

 

[ulrichburke]

Dear Owliet.

Neurotypicals is weird! Tell them the truth straight out and you get yelled at for (a being bitchy, (b) being nasty/wanting to hurt their feelings. So you try to be tactful - and they immediately assume you're tiptoeing around something Hewge and Howwible you Don't Want to Hurt them by Telling them Straight. So you try to play safe by not telling them at all and 2 days(ish!) later it's 'Why didn't you tell me? You could've told me! I wouldn't be in so much (censored!) if only you'd told me....'

You can't win. Not against a Neurotypical. They'll always find an angle to make you feel guilty/put you in the wrong - and, by doing so, make themselves the Wronged, Slighted Party! I get this all the time from neurotypicals and nowadays I just say what I think they want me to say and, if I get it wrong - not TOO uncommon a happening! - I just put up with being yelled at and let them go on their way rejoicing.

I think they're in a constant state of denial, it's Everyone Else's Fault. Which means they'll never learn, about themselves or life in general. Sad!

Yours respectfully

Chris.

 

[merithra]

Why is telling the truth perceived to be a negative thing? I don’t understand that if something is said about someone else, that is negative, that it is perceived to be bad and make the person angry if the person is told what has been said when they’re asking? Why do people seem to like to tell untruths to each other? And then when it is told, that they completely deny that they said it when they have said it?

I guess I am too tired for this, and messed up and should have just lied or not said anything at All. I am just done with everything.

some people do not want to hear the truth, they may say they want to hear the truth but they do not fully believe that lie themselves.

when you tell the truth it is important to also consider that having consideration for one's feelings is a factor - for example, you can tell the truth to somebody and though they might not like it you could construed it in a way that will let them down easily, that is what I have learned.

for the record, I do not believe lying is the solution for things as well because lying will come undone, when you lie you lie more and you believe you are righteous in lying because it is sparing someone's feelings or helping people - but lies come undone and that is why I try not to lie about things because I picture my lies slowly coming undone.

 

[MildredHubble]

Ego management is also about not stepping on someone else's ego, and not taking offense when it doesn't make sense to.

At the place I worked, I saw how others were set up by certain people. It was a culture I didn't buy into. Like they kept on trying to tempt me to join in.

This poor guy that I worked with (I'm almost certain he was on the spectrum) had a day off and what my "colleagues" did was disgraceful. I will preface this by saying, he was a bit hippy-ish, but I never detected a problem with his level of hygiene, personal or otherwise (unlike some other members of staff!). The guys I worked with started spraying his desk and chair etc with disinfectant and saying horrible things and laughing while they did it.

I just internally shook my head and got on with my admin work.

They would often plot together in front of me about what they were going to do to stitch this guy up. There was no doubt in my mind that if their overt behaviour towards me was similar to their overt behaviour towards him, there was a good chance they were doing similar things to me.

I also confirmed this when I was carrying a bit too much to unlock the office door. I could hear them talking about someone, lots of crude names being used and what they were going to do to this person. I managed to juggle the things I was carrying and opened the door and entered to see them all looking a bit pensive but still talking about this person and how the manager wanted something to "use against" them in "the meeting on Tuesday".

I assumed to begin with that is was (I'm referring to him as) David that they were plotting to ambush. They even told me it was. Only one slight problem, David left that evening. I was helping him put something in his car, and I said "So we'll be seeing you again on Tuesday right?", To which he said "No, I'm leaving tonight, like right now." I could see one of my colleagues looking a bit worried. So I just said "Oh I thought you had some sort of debriefing on Tuesday?"

It turns out I had a meeting on Tuesday though.

 

[Au Naturel]

Ego management is also about not stepping on someone else's ego, and not taking offense when it doesn't make sense to.

And it seldom makes sense to be offended by anything. You are shooting yourself in the foot.

 

[MildredHubble]

Why didn't you leave the place earlier?

Mostly because it would have been bad financially, but also because for a number of reasons, I don't always trust my instincts, even if in hindsight, they've been right 95% of the time.