Teaching less literal thinking?

[Naturalist]

My son is a seriously literal thinker, if you don't use the exact words to describe something that he would use, he "corrects" you. (Synonyms don't count!) My husband and I are both less extreme, but still quite exacting, so we don't know how to teach him to accept others' words or at least let them go unchallenged. He is getting in serious trouble every day at school for "arguing" but my son just thinks he is contributing to a discussion, adding information, or clarifying his intent. The teachers don't seem to be able to just ignore him, because he won't do what they tell him until he has closure on the discussion. And he gets frustrated easily because he doesn't like to be accused of arguing when he doesn't intend to be contrary, just wants to be clear.

Does anyone know how to teach a literal kid to be more flexible in his interactions with others, so he doesn't get labelled "oppositional defiant" and get kicked out? He is 7, almost 8, in 2nd grade.

It also prevents him developing friendships, no one wants to play with the "bad kid" in class. But he is kind and generous and loyal, the kind of friend any kid would be lucky to have.

 

[King_Oni]

Have you tried talking to him and make him understand that people will be quite annoyed now and in the future if he keeps it up?

On the other hand, arguing if he's right and others are in fact wrong and using the wrong words... I can't really argue that's wrong IMO.

But; Does he understand that he'll get in trouble and people think he's disruptive and people won't like him because of this?

 

[Judge]

Have you tried talking to him and make him understand that people will be quite annoyed now and in the future if he keeps it up?

But; Does he understand that he'll get in trouble and people think he's disruptive and people won't like him because of this?

Tough things for a seven year old to digest...but it's the truth. Even if he doesn't understand the "whys" he needs to understand the likelihood of such potential consequences.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I was a lot more rigid as a kid, partially because I was trying to make since of the muddled mess of communication. Which also made algebra a nightmare for my teachers because I would not accept 1a + b as an answer and considered it a last step before the problem was actually solved. I don't know what to tell ya other than see if maybe you can get him to accept synonyms and similarities, and try to help him come to terms with how incomplete most things are and that he'll never have closure in some matters.

 

[tree]

I was a lot more rigid as a kid, partially because I was trying to make since of the muddled mess of communication. Which also made algebra a nightmare for my teachers because I would not accept 1a + b as an answer and considered it a last step before the problem was actually solved. I don't know what to tell ya other than see if maybe you can get him to accept synonyms and similarities, and try to help him come to terms with how incomplete most things are and that he'll never have closure in some matters.

Does that mean you prefer specifics?
And are uncomfortable with generalizations that haven't been led up to
with gradually accumulating/ascending information?

 

[AsheSkyler]

Does that mean you prefer specifics?
And are uncomfortable with generalizations that haven't been led up to
with gradually accumulating/ascending information?

When I'm initially learning something, yes. It didn't just plague my algebra class either. I have trouble learning languages because the material is sloppy, lazy, and imprecise. For example, "muy bien" does not mean "great". It means "very good". It may be an equivalent of great, but it is not a correct translation. Same for "guten tag". It does not mean "hello", it means "good day", even if it is a greeting equivalent with "hello".

 

[tree]

When I'm initially learning something, yes. It didn't just plague my algebra class either. I have trouble learning languages because the material is sloppy, lazy, and imprecise. For example, "muy bien" does not mean "great". It means "very good". It may be an equivalent of great, but it is not a correct translation. Same for "guten tag". It does not mean "hello", it means "good day", even if it is a greeting equivalent with "hello".

I get quite entertained in auto parts stores reading the parts labels
in Spanish for that reason. The idea of a 'kit' being 'juego' is kind of enchanting.
I like the different mind set of it and just stuck the words into the correct general
box/file in my head, regardless of the literal meaning.

I didn't know anybody claimed 'muy bien' meant great.
We always said, in class, that it was 'very well.'
Like when the troll tells the next goat to go across the bridge.
"Muy bien," you may go ahead.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I get quite entertained in auto parts stores reading the parts labels
in Spanish for that reason. The idea of a 'kit' being 'juego' is kind of enchanting.
I like the different mind set of it and just stuck the words into the correct general
box/file in my head, regardless of the literal meaning.

I didn't know anybody claimed 'muy bien' meant great.
We always said, in class, that it was 'very well.'
Like when the troll tells the next goat to go across the bridge.
"Muy bien," you may go ahead.

Once I learn what it means literally, I do pretty well with generalities. I aced algebra in college, and even did pretty well in trigonometry. Mild problem getting the graphs perfectly backwards in some cases, but I knew what shapes the signs were supposed to make!

Several years ago I was babysitting a little kid who was obsessed with Dora the Explorer and the little twerp came on the screen claiming "muy bien" meant "great", along with several other words that I don't trust to have been a direct translation. I don't let my kid watch it when he gets on a Spanish kick, I send him to a couple of other shows with catchier music and seemingly better translations.

 

[Slithytoves]

Have you asked him to describe how he feels inside before he corrects people or interjects? He's a little young to articulate this perfectly, but it might help you figure out an approach. If it feels urgent and visceral, like a true compulsion, you'll probably have a much harder time changing his behavior and may need to study up on techniques used for OCD, or even take him to a therapist. If he feels no internal pressure but simply doesn't understand that his contributions/corrections aren't appropriate, you could have an easier time teaching self-restraint.

At his age, though, he will be very sensitive to modeling at home. You said that you and your husband tend to be "exacting"; he may be taking some of his cues from you, which may require you to make some changes to your own behavior for him to unlearn.

I hope you can find a way to help him with this. I don't have kids, but I'm sure it's awful to see your sweet, generous boy getting a bad rep in school.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

I've been that kid.

No one cares how "kind" you are when the price is eternal correction on things that just don't matter. That does not feel "kind." As one recipient made blisteringly clear to me once, I came across sounding like the snottiest possible always-right know-all who should be left to know-it-all because everyone in my vicinity was inferior and couldn't argue with me, nor with how bad they felt being with me.

The second point follows the first: the parents do not see the same person that the peers see.

 

[watersprite]

My kid is similar. He's 14 now. What helped was to explain which categories of communication demanded accuracy and input and which situations simply demand ignoring other's errors. He still gets in occasional trouble though. A while back he corrected a substitute teacher who was screwing up algebra class with incorrect facts. (Doh!) He was sent to the principle's office, but the school didn't call me on that. They must have realized he was right. (?)
In my son's case he understood pretty readily when we talked it through. Oh, it can be a good thing too: now he is excelling in speech and debate and civics, etc.

 

[tachyon]

We all work it out eventually. Without any external assistance at all it took me only 50 years to stop being a PITA correcting things . OK you might still get some disagreement on that.

 

[ChrisC1983]

speaking as a quite literal person myself (still i need to pause to realize what the person may actually have meant)..... in short, it's not easy.

for myself.. and from the research i've done this can be helpful for others........ stay logical. everything needs a clear logical reason. let him know exactly what you just said... while it's a great thing that he's trying to be helpful, not everybody sees it that way. he needs to pause, think if the people around him would want that type of help he's offering. depending on how his mind works.. even present it like an experiment (i liked science.. even in 2nd grade).... tell him to not correct anybody for 1 week. he can still talk to him, encourage him to do so.. but when he feels the need to correct the person.. tell him to pause, maybe breathe (if it stresses him out), and continue with the what they were talking about and just let the problem go. maybe even tell him to wait and tell you the mistakes people made in class that day (so that way he can get it out... trust me, it can be very stressful to him to not correct people) and each day when he comes home from school ask him how he did, who he talked to, what they talked about..... just let him go. every time he says "i didn't correct them", give a positive response such as "good job" and a follow up asking what they talked about or such

it's tricky... you'll need to adjust as you go throughout the week. but hopefully by the end of the week you'll be able to say to him.. "you're talking with kids more often right? isn't that fun? friends are important" (if he doesn't understand why friends are important.. explain it to him in a simple straight forward logical manner)

 

[Beverly]

I too am very literal and I have a strong urge to correct people when they misspeak or mispronounce words, or state something as fact when it is not absolute fact. I have learned to curtail my impulse to correct such things and, either ignore it, or walk away from the conversation.

Maybe having you son play a game with you where you say things that he would correct but, he will win if he pretends that you are correct and, doesn't correct you 10 times. Give him a treat or object he will like as a prize for winning the game. Later, when he is very good at the game, tell him to try to play the game all day, with everyone and, to tell you how many times he corrected someone, even though he wasn't supposed to if he wanted to win the game.

To him it's only a game, so it isn't real, he doesn't really have to think they are right when he knows they are wrong, but he has to pretend he thinks they are right. He will learn that it works to help him get along better and, keeps people form being upset toward him so often.

 

[Naturalist]

Thanks everyone! It took me some time to come around again but now that I have a lot more time with my son this summer, we are working on your suggestions incrementally. I like the game suggestion especially because my son needs an incentive, and not getting in trouble is simply not enough incentive...

I do have a difficult time with teaching him when to ignore the urge to correct people, because I didn't learn the contexts myself--at some point I just realized no one cared what I had to say and I should just shut up, regardless of whether I would have been justified in speaking out...

 

[Kirsty]

I do have a difficult time with teaching him when to ignore the urge to correct people, because I didn't learn the contexts myself--at some point I just realized no one cared what I had to say and I should just shut up, regardless of whether I would have been justified in speaking out...

I find this with myself towards other people most the time. Plus, I'm quietly spoken so people can easily dismiss me or don't take me seriously.

 

[Adamantium]

It also prevents him developing friendships, no one wants to play with the "bad kid" in class. But he is kind and generous and loyal, the kind of friend any kid would be lucky to have.

Being the bad kid in class is probably not what is preventing him from developing friendships. It's more likely the result of the same difficulty in reading clues that makes it hard for him to see that being the know-it-all pedant communication fascist is unwelcome. He may be kind, generous and loyal, but if he doesn't take other perspectives into account, friendship will be hard and rare for him.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

I was quite a literal thinker as a child, and also had a tendency to correct people. The thing that taught me differently was reading lots of fiction. This exposed me to bizarre fictional worlds and situations that don't really make any sense and cannot be taken literally, but which are too fun to bother worrying about the lack of logic, as well as figurative language. Reading also provides opportunities to engage with and understand a variety of social interactions in a non-threatening and relaxed way. Of course, I had the advantage that my special interests tend to be fiction focused.

 

[Naturalist]

I was quite a literal thinker as a child, and also had a tendency to correct people. The thing that taught me differently was reading lots of fiction. This exposed me to bizarre fictional worlds and situations that don't really make any sense and cannot be taken literally, but which are too fun to bother worrying about the lack of logic, as well as figurative language. Reading also provides opportunities to engage with and understand a variety of social interactions in a non-threatening and relaxed way. Of course, I had the advantage that my special interests tend to be fiction focused.

Good point about the fiction. That interest gave me an advantage in having at least an awareness that other perspectives exist for any given situation. My son isn't generally drawn to fiction, but he loves history so maybe historical fiction will be a good thing to encourage.

 

[Beverly]

He might enjoy true to life historical fiction. It may be accurate enough to satisfy him while still offering the benefits of fiction.