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Talking to girls, why is it so difficult?

Three tips that help with meeting new people in general. (1) Take an interest in their name. "So, Susan, do you have any hobbies or special interests?" Using their name tells them subconsciously they are important enough to remember. (2) Engage them in a light-hearted conversation about their interests, pets, life goals, travel, etc.,...not heavy stuff like politics and religion. Let them have the sense that you are genuinely interested in them as a person. If you can get them to open up to you with the fun, light-hearted conversation, often you might not even have to ask a bunch of questions...they'll just talk your ear off. People can get a bit put off by political and religious conversations. People can get a bit nervous and uncomfortable about talking to a stranger about their family, where they live, how much money they make, etc. There is a time and a place for that,...a second or third meeting perhaps. (3) Be positive. If she brings up her cat,...and you hate cats,...DON'T tell her you hate cats! Rather, ask more about her cat, learn about the cat,...take an interest. If you are feeling depressed about something,...let that be your little secret! Nobody wants to be around a "negative Nancy".
 
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Tony Ramirez said:
So true. I learned that the hard way. It does not matter where you go to socialize you find the same issue. The best way I find is through a friend. I would like to approach by myself but I am still afraid.
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A few times with a wingman, and I bet you will be ready to fly solo. And as I said before, you gotta be friendly with everybody because single women will take note.
 
I wouldn't have done any of that for sure. The difference is that I would have wanted to not do it, and I would have been happy about not doing it.
 
The thing is she was blocking my exit to leave the room so since I could not talk to her at all I had to go all around the other way to leave.
 
jared mills said:
it`s better that way for me to be approached by them than approach them at the cost of them walking away from me.
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What cost? So they walk away . . . so what? It isn't a reflection on you. I understand that many of us, me included, are blind to social signaling. Sometimes you need to put on your big boy pants and act mature.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
The thing is she was blocking my exit to leave the room so since I could not talk to her at all I had to go all around the other way to leave.
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Huh? So, you would rather be avoidant than communicate? Meeting somebody is only the first small step in a relationship, because, first and foremost, any relationship requires communication. Merely asking to get past somebody is not social communication, but it can lead to that. Once at a get together, there was a group of women I needed to get past. I politely asked for some room to get by and they moved aside enough for me to pass. As I sidled by, one woman reached out and caressed my upper arm. While I am unavailable, were I single and looking, I could have used that social touch as an opening for investigating a possible relationship.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
So true. I learned that the hard way. It does not matter where you go to socialize you find the same issue. The best way I find is through a friend. I would like to approach by myself but I am still afraid.
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Socializing is scary, especially with new people. But if you want to meet new people, it’s a risk you’ll have to take.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
They had a potluck after which I talked to my friend Justin who was talking to two women and I did say some words to them but if it was not for my friend I could never just go up to them to talk.
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There ya go. You have a friend you value. But rather than rely on him for introductions, why not go a step further and reach out to women not in terms of societal courtship and mating rituals, but simply as a friend?

Someone to talk to and share experiences with. See if it gives you a little more confidence without so much pressure you're presently feeling. To drop associating people you meet by gender and simply address them as a potential friend, just like you did with Justin.

Most people don't simply hand you a "comfort zone". The reality being that you have to do that on your own. Where in your case you need to reorient how you socialize. Focus on friendship and forget courtship (for now).

In my own case, had I not done this myself, I'm pretty sure I would have never had a single girlfriend. The truth is, that for some of us we aren't all that much different from you. But that we found the will to make that first move without dwelling so much on the consequences of trying. You must do the same. Having nothing really to lose, and everything to gain.
 
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jared mills said:
:unamused:
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@jared mills , in the email regarding your response I saw this, "the cost of me being unaproachable" but not here. That is entirely backwards. One's actions determine whether or not you are approachable, in part by demonstrating confidence in yourself by approaching somebody. Not connecting when you approach is not being unapproachable. I have been rejected upon approaching somebody, but, except in one case it was done gently. I learned that this stings a little, but if I didn't do it, the world is not going to offer me a compatible, gift wrapped, woman. All of this prepared me when I finally did meet the woman I fell in love with because I could recognize in her the qualities I desired and this would not have happened had I not had the experience of approaching women.
 
jared mills said:
it`s better that way for me to be approached by them than approach them at the cost of them walking away from me.
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You will be waiting forever. Don't believe in Hollywood fiction you see on movies and TV where the girl approaches you. Your odds like mine are 100/1 they will approach you. Of course I can't approach them either.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
You will be waiting forever. Don't believe in Hollywood fiction you see on movies and TV where the girl approaches you. Your odds like mine are 100/1 they will approach you. Of course I can't approach them either.
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@Tony Ramirez , you can learn how. Start with your friend as your wingman as well as approaching others and get known for being friendly. All of us who ended up in relationships had to learn how, and needed to learn to tune out the negative dysfunctional messages from our often bruised egos.
 
Here's a post from my blog about potential medications for anxiety. Have you tried beta blockers before? They helped me with my terrible stage fright when performing on the piano.

Anxiety Medications
There are a lot of choices for anxiety medications.

SSRIs
Yes, SSRIs can be used for anxiety in addition to depression! The anxiety medications of this class most commonly prescribed include Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Lexapro, and Celexa.

SNRIs
Similarly, SNRIs can also be used as anxiety medications. Some examples include Effexor, Cymbalta, and Fetzima. SNRIs aren’t necessarily better or worse than SSRIs for anxiety. It just depends on the individual.

Benzodiazepines
These are quite a controversial option. There is a potential for addiction. They are very powerful. I use Xanax on occasion and am grateful to have it. Xanax is the most popular one at the moment. I was prescribed Valium at one point, as well.

Buspirone
Buspirone is a more harmless option as an anxiety medication. There isn’t much risk for addiction, and there isn’t going to be a noticeable physiological reaction. It’s rather similar to taking an SSRI. Some people find it to be effective. Approximately 54% of people have a positive reaction to it.

Gabapentin
Gabapentin is not originally an anxiety medication. It’s an anticonvulsant frequently prescribed off-label for anxiety. It’s one of my favorite medications. It makes me feel more comfortable to be alive.

Beta-Blockers
These are more mild anxiety medications. The primary one is propranolol. It’s often used for things like stage fright or other anxiety-provoking events. I take it and find it to be mildly helpful, which is certainly not bad.

Anti-Psychotics
These would probably not be your first choice, but they are known to be prescribed for anxiety or incidentally benefit someone with anxiety. Anti-psychotics that have been found to function as anxiety medications include quetiapine, aripiprazole, olanzapine, and risperidone.
 
I am already taking Prozac. It does not help with my social anxiety but it helps greatly with my obsessions.

I am on Seroquel which helps with some of my phobias. It helps somewhat with social anxiety. I am able to go up to girls I do know.

I am on since the summer Divalproex Sodium which is suppose to help with my anger and nervous around face masks. It helps some days but other days I have outbursts.
 
When I was younger I had issues talking to women, now being married I prefer talking to women men into sports etc.
 
I can barely approach people let alone a girl to try to know her. People in person are intimidating for me a bit, i can express myself so much more on text or phone.
 
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