Talking, conversations--they are so difficult

[RemyZee]

Having conversations, talking, sharing thoughts are nearly impossible in most circumstances for me several reasons: often I find myself, when around others even that I know well, unable to have the most rudimentary conversations. For one thing, I rarely know what people are physically saying: it's like no matter how interested I am, I can barely remember what a person has said as they finish a sentence, the words don't make sense, I don't hear what they’ve said, and I can't figure out what's important. At other times, I have no idea how what I'm saying is being recieved, or if a person is interested. My conversations are completely one sided: either I am talking about my own passions or I sit there blankly staring at a person unable to speak, lost by what they're saying. It's not shyness and it feels more structural if that makes sense. People have told me they thought I was unintelligent until they corresponded with me, because I'm better at writing than speaking. A couple of times I was told I mKe people nervous because I’m quiet. It is not that i don't have anything to say--it is that its totally disorienting to talk to people. Having to take a trip with someone can be excruciating because the expectation is that you'll share something and have a chat. If the world was close captioned or everything was conducted by email I would be so happy! The result of all this is being really isolated, feeling weird, and messing things up (jobs can be tough when everything isn't written down, I forget things immediately and can't read my own writing. It's so frustrating, but also painful as I recognize people's discomfort and watch them withdraw. I was wondering if anyone has a similar experience and how do you handle it?

 

[elgat0verde]

I too have this problem when talking to people and also tend to make conversations one sided.

Even on the internet I read some posts and come out with another thing because I misunderstand what people are trying to say.

What I used to do in my last jobs which required small talk was to greet, smile and just go on with the theme. Luckily most of my conversations were with truckers and most of them already knew me because they'd stop by to deliver raw ingredients.

With the ones I did not know I'd just put on a mask and listen and talk. It was quite hard doing so, social interactions make me uncomfortable.

 

[Rodafina]

I think you are actually in good company here. Among people on the forum who have shared on this topic, it is not weird at all to have great difficulty with spoken conversation and much less trouble when it comes to written communication.

The anxiety and sensory overwhelm that can occur during a verbal interaction can distract from our ability to process information and form thoughts into words.

Welcome to the forum, by the way. What you described is one reason why many of us are here - socializing through the forum, reading each other’s thoughts.

 

[uneven]

I also have trouble with the spoken word. I especially have trouble keeping a proper listening expression on my face, and I will involuntarily have a very blank "stupid looking" face. I'm actually a teacher of adults, and I've had students stop their talking and ask me if I'm ok! I explain that I'm listening very hard!! I can explain things very well, but the back and forth is very disorienting and I won't remember anything unless I write it down.

 

[Tom]

It does sound 'structural' as far as the listening and remembering goes. Unless there is an emotional component that is interferring, like say if you are very nervous in company as that can scramble your thinking quite a bit. On the speaking about your interests that sounds like what we call monologuing and really common with us. I try to set some limits. Like if I am talking about a subject I will stop and see if the other responds or contributes in such a way as to continue the conversation. If they do I will continue (but stop at intervals to make sure they are still interested). If they do not contribute I change the subject and hope to find something they are interested in or sometimes just be silent and see if they start up conversation.

 

[RemyZee]

I also have trouble with the spoken word. I especially have trouble keeping a proper listening expression on my face, and I will involuntarily have a very blank "stupid looking" face. I'm actually a teacher of adults, and I've had students stop their talking and ask me if I'm ok! I explain that I'm listening very hard!! I can explain things very well, but the back and forth is very disorienting and I won't remember anything unless I write it down.

Thanks! I know what you mean by facial expressions: I've often had people tell me they thought I was angry when I was anything but. Which I don't like because I'm not an angry person by nature.

 

[uneven]

Thanks! I know what you mean by facial expressions: I've often had people tell me they thought I was angry when I was anything but. Which I don't like because I'm not an angry person by nature.

yup! The face lies! Have you ever seen the "emotional faces" pictures? They show an "angry face", " a scared face", etc? I have a hard time telling them apart! So I can't control what my face looks like, and I have trouble reading a static face. I need more clues, like what they are talking about or other easier -to -read non-verbal behavior. How about you?

 

[Kern]

Having conversations, talking, sharing thoughts are nearly impossible in most circumstances for me several reasons: often I find myself, when around others even that I know well, unable to have the most rudimentary conversations. For one thing, I rarely know what people are physically saying: it's like no matter how interested I am, I can barely remember what a person has said as they finish a sentence, the words don't make sense, I don't hear what they’ve said, and I can't figure out what's important. At other times, I have no idea how what I'm saying is being recieved, or if a person is interested.

Hi RemyZee, I feel exactly the same. Finally I gave up to be a part of conversation. I try to accept myself as a person with that kind of disability. I don't want to try and try with the same ending. I have my part time work, I learn English try to continue my small physical activity. It is enough. All my life I was trying to be a part of a talking community. It failed all the time. Now I have better understanding and have to accept that I am simple different. Happily I believe in God and eternal life. So i will be fully connected to society in heaven.

 

[RemyZee]

yup! The face lies! Have you ever seen the "emotional faces" pictures? They show an "angry face", " a scared face", etc? I have a hard time telling them apart! So I can't control what my face looks like, and I have trouble reading a static face. I need more clues, like what they are talking about or other easier -to -read non-verbal behavior. How about you?

Oh the emotional faces pictures: what ARE those people thinking@

 

[tazz]

I can explain things very well, but the back and forth is very disorienting

Agreed. Although, I've learnt that when I start to have difficulty explaining things it means I'm getting overwhelmed and it's time to go where people are not. So it's a good early warning system.

 

[RemyZee]

yup! The face lies! Have you ever seen the "emotional faces" pictures? They show an "angry face", " a scared face", etc? I have a hard time telling them apart! So I can't control what my face looks like, and I have trouble reading a static face. I need more clues, like what they are talking about or other easier -to -read non-verbal behavior. How about you?

Yes I've taken that test and didn't exactly pass it, it's like a blank canvas so I'm always filling things in

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Having conversations, talking, sharing thoughts are nearly impossible in most circumstances for me several reasons: often I find myself, when around others even that I know well, unable to have the most rudimentary conversations. For one thing, I rarely know what people are physically saying: it's like no matter how interested I am, I can barely remember what a person has said as they finish a sentence, the words don't make sense, I don't hear what they’ve said, and I can't figure out what's important. At other times, I have no idea how what I'm saying is being recieved, or if a person is interested. My conversations are completely one sided: either I am talking about my own passions or I sit there blankly staring at a person unable to speak, lost by what they're saying. It's not shyness and it feels more structural if that makes sense. People have told me they thought I was unintelligent until they corresponded with me, because I'm better at writing than speaking. A couple of times I was told I mKe people nervous because I’m quiet. It is not that i don't have anything to say--it is that its totally disorienting to talk to people. Having to take a trip with someone can be excruciating because the expectation is that you'll share something and have a chat. If the world was close captioned or everything was conducted by email I would be so happy! The result of all this is being really isolated, feeling weird, and messing things up (jobs can be tough when everything isn't written down, I forget things immediately and can't read my own writing. It's so frustrating, but also painful as I recognize people's discomfort and watch them withdraw. I was wondering if anyone has a similar experience and how do you handle it?

I struggle with convos
I can talk a lot about myself and not listen to the other person.

But it does not mean I enjoy talking excessively about myself.
I struggle with masking
Sometimes I feel exhausted being kind but do not enjoy being cruel.
Sometimes I get the feeling I am being too like minded. Finding common ground can be exhausting and masking
I hate talking of my talents sometimes and just like talking about regular stuff I love but that can be masking
I like being laura instead of a pretty and talented person.
It is exhausting and hard and does not mean you do not like people

 

[Kalinychta]

Having conversations, talking, sharing thoughts are nearly impossible in most circumstances for me several reasons: often I find myself, when around others even that I know well, unable to have the most rudimentary conversations. For one thing, I rarely know what people are physically saying: it's like no matter how interested I am, I can barely remember what a person has said as they finish a sentence, the words don't make sense, I don't hear what they’ve said, and I can't figure out what's important. At other times, I have no idea how what I'm saying is being recieved, or if a person is interested. My conversations are completely one sided: either I am talking about my own passions or I sit there blankly staring at a person unable to speak, lost by what they're saying. It's not shyness and it feels more structural if that makes sense. People have told me they thought I was unintelligent until they corresponded with me, because I'm better at writing than speaking. A couple of times I was told I mKe people nervous because I’m quiet. It is not that i don't have anything to say--it is that its totally disorienting to talk to people. Having to take a trip with someone can be excruciating because the expectation is that you'll share something and have a chat. If the world was close captioned or everything was conducted by email I would be so happy! The result of all this is being really isolated, feeling weird, and messing things up (jobs can be tough when everything isn't written down, I forget things immediately and can't read my own writing. It's so frustrating, but also painful as I recognize people's discomfort and watch them withdraw. I was wondering if anyone has a similar experience and how do you handle it?

I think there may actually be a word for this, but I can’t remember what it is.
And what you describe is a common problem for autistic people. I’m so, so bad at auditory processing and expressing myself verbally. Sometimes when I’m listening to someone speak it’s like I only hear one word at a time but can’t process them together.

I do find it helpful to look away from the person who’s speaking and focus my attention on an object nearby. Somehow it “grounds” my brain, and I can hear and understand better. Maybe give that a try.

 

[Midnights11]

Having conversations, talking, sharing thoughts are nearly impossible in most circumstances for me several reasons: often I find myself, when around others even that I know well, unable to have the most rudimentary conversations. For one thing, I rarely know what people are physically saying: it's like no matter how interested I am, I can barely remember what a person has said as they finish a sentence, the words don't make sense, I don't hear what they’ve said, and I can't figure out what's important. At other times, I have no idea how what I'm saying is being recieved, or if a person is interested. My conversations are completely one sided: either I am talking about my own passions or I sit there blankly staring at a person unable to speak, lost by what they're saying. It's not shyness and it feels more structural if that makes sense. People have told me they thought I was unintelligent until they corresponded with me, because I'm better at writing than speaking. A couple of times I was told I mKe people nervous because I’m quiet. It is not that i don't have anything to say--it is that its totally disorienting to talk to people. Having to take a trip with someone can be excruciating because the expectation is that you'll share something and have a chat. If the world was close captioned or everything was conducted by email I would be so happy! The result of all this is being really isolated, feeling weird, and messing things up (jobs can be tough when everything isn't written down, I forget things immediately and can't read my own writing. It's so frustrating, but also painful as I recognize people's discomfort and watch them withdraw. I was wondering if anyone has a similar experience and how do you handle it?

 

[Midnights11]

Conversations are a struggle for me too. I’m a good listener but get tangled up when it’s my turn to speak

 

[paloftoon]

Maybe where possible, ask a person if it's okay if you look stuff up about the conversation you're having with them while they are talking so that it might be easier for you to respond. Or, if they are okay with you taking notes when you talk with them, then this could possibly help too.