Talking about 'feelings'

[Progster]

I am the same. The only feelings I was ever able to express to my therapist were anger, anxiety and sadness. If none of those came into play, then I just felt 'okay'. I had no words to describe what feeling okay meant to me, and still don't really, other than 'yes, I'm okay thank you'.

I had cognitive behaviour therapy for a while, and one of the things they asked me to do was write a mood diary - to fill in my mood at certain times each day. I found this really difficult because I simply didn't have a mood - most of the entries were 'neutral.' They seemed to think that I had always to be feeling something at each moment of the day, but I don't.

 

[AHClemist]

When someone asks me whether I like my food, I don't say "yes" for yes but I will cross my eyes. At the moment, I would never come up with just saying a simple "yes". My issues go so deep I can't even properly express when I'm enjoying a meal.

I will also often resort to expressing my feelings by using analogies like "feels like Australian desert". Needless to say, people don't get that. It makes sense to me simply because when I was a child I once listened to a comedian talking about someone who kept digging and ended up at the other end of the globe in the Australian desert, not knowing what to do next. So I will day Australian desert to express I don't know what to do. I feel a little demented typing this since I could just say what I'm feeling like I just explained it but it somehow doesn't work that way for me.

That way of experssing feelings makes sense to me. There's always more bundled up in the way a person feels than just one emotion. I like telling/writing a story that results in a similar feeling in the other person, rather than directly naming what I feel. I have gotten better at that too, though.

 

[AHClemist]

I had cognitive behaviour therapy for a while, and one of the things they asked me to do was write a mood diary - to fill in my mood at certain times each day. I found this really difficult because I simply didn't have a mood - most of the entries were 'neutral.' They seemed to think that I had always to be feeling something at each moment of the day, but I don't.

I've started doing the mood diary thing on my own. Though I also have a short version, where I rate my mood on a scale of -5 to +5. I'm trying to see if it is hormone-related, since the amplitude of my feelings seems to have increased and I don't rally like that. I would rather feel "neutral" most of the time.

 

[Gracey]

All the best with your therapy sessions @Gracey

Thank you

I live in hope that neither the therapist nor myself are wasting our time

 

[Xerces Blue]

For me negative emotions are fairly easy.
I KNOW anger and sadness quite well(anger actually gives me a headache ever since I was a teenager). Still have a hard time talking about them.
I've experienced the madness I have been told is romantic love, don't know if I really want to experience it again.
I know euphoria - from sex, drugs and exertion.
But the hardest thing I've ever done was write a letter to my family during military training in case I died, trying to tell them how I felt about them and all the things they did for me.
I would be dead but for my older brother and I still haven't been able to tell him to his face how much I love him and how much he taught me growing up.

 

[Alexej]

I note that I was scoring marginal in the online AS tests that I took before diagnosis, but consistently high on the online tests for Alexithymia.

Alexithymie Questionnaire • Alexithymia

 

[Juliettaa]

Thank you

I live in hope that neither the therapist nor myself are wasting our time

The therapist won't be wasting her time; she's paid for the time she spends with you

 

[AHClemist]

Somehow I learned, that my feelings are a burden to others, especially sadness and fear. They make people around me uncomfortable, which feels unsafe to me. Anger is not really something I feel. I get the closest when I find things to be unfair for other people or especially for animals.

So, talking about my feelings became something I only do when I'm severly distressed and need something to change NOW. I have one friend, with whom I feel safe disecting the way I feel. When we aren't walking around at the time, I tend to start to tremble. It's a very stressful situation for me.

 

[Thinx]

I did lots of work on this in therapy but before understanding about high autistic traits or Aspergers. So am reevaluating how much of what I do now is actually masking, I am not sure yet. I definitely have feelings, but often what I think about something is more important to me, or will guide my feelings. Or that's how it feels. I think...

 

[Aspychata]

I've started doing the mood diary thing on my own. Though I also have a short version, where I rate my mood on a scale of -5 to +5. I'm trying to see if it is hormone-related, since the amplitude of my feelings seems to have increased and I don't rally like that. I would rather feel "neutral" most of the time.

So l am trying to understand. The neutral feels safe? Having feelings make you feel (vulnerable, out of control???)? What do feelings bring up moodwise for you?

My issue was more denial. If l deny how l feel then l don't have to acknowledge the feeling but then l would save it up and cry for 3 hours straight. Just a blubbery mess of soggy emotions of whatever. Now l deal with how l feel. Like my desktop has a emotion icon and l click on it and l acknowledge it then l can scuttle it the trash bin. Now l don't cry as much because l don't accumulate folders of unacknowledged feelings. And l find myself taking action on my feelings instead of doing nothing. So having feelings is okay, and you won't fall of the earth and you will hit something called (get ready) maturity!

 

[AHClemist]

So l am trying to understand. The neutral feels safe? Having feelings make you feel (vulnerable, out of control???)? What do feelings bring up moodwise for you?

I think it's more about feeling useless. I learned, that my feelings are a burden to others. It was either implied, that I just want attention (which was bad) or they were ignored. So being distracted or stopped in my tracks by an emotion makes me feel like I failed at being logical and productive. I do acknowledge them now and I usually also know where they come from, but there are still very few people I share them with. It takes too much effort and is much to frustrating to try to explain how I feel only to be hit with the "That's normal. Everyone feels like that." answer. To me, that sounds like "Why did you even bring this up? You just wasted my time!"

As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that that answer always came from rather emotional people. I feel understood when people discuss my feelings with me, engage with the information I gave them. I suppose that isn't what most people are looking for when they share emotions

 

[Bolletje]

I used to have a very limited grasp of my emotions, (the only ones I experienced were happy, angry or sad) but I had a therapist that helped me discover and name my range of feelings.
It’s great for people around me that I can tell them what’s going on with me. It’s also been educational for myself to be able to analyze how I feel in relation to what’s happening in my life and to make connections. And it’s helped me to recognize a variety of emotions in other people. Which is very helpful in my job, where I have to make an assessment about mental and emotional state and mental health in my patients. It’s also helped me empathize with people a lot better.

 

[Xerces Blue]

I don't think its wrong to want attention, It's not wrong to call out for help or love.
Everyone has their difficulties and those who don't understand that miss out on the satisfaction of helping someone in need and alienate those who they could have helped.

Though I do understand the frustration when you try to help someone many times and they don't progress.
(not trying to guilt them, just my own impatience screaming it's fury)