Talking about 'feelings'

[leehart]

Hi I am curious to know if folks find it easy to talk about their feelings with others?

This is something I am really bad at! I either don't know what my feelings are and they manifest in strange ways...ie irrationality angry about something that doesn't matter because something else is happening I didn't think I was angry about.

Or and this one is the bigger one I don't know how to! I have no idea how such a conversation takes place and what it is intended to achieve. It my mind was a computer then the folder for discussing feelings is utterly empty. Others I can add things to but i can't seem to with this.

 

[Aspychata]

I feel for you. What is the block re: feelings? Something somewhere shut that down in you , and the job was done pretty well. Now you have to find the on switch!

 

[Fino]

Yeah, I pretty much never talk about my feelings.

But I can text about them!

 

[Mimi]

I get you , I also find it so hard to articulate how I feel. I think that feelings seem so abstract and blurred that it feels weird to categorise them into something specific like "happy" or "sad". I guess we have to just learn the neurotypical lingo

 

[Wolfnox]

Yeah. Feelings are a no go for talking.

 

[leehart]

I get you , I also find it so hard to articulate how I feel. I think that feelings seem so abstract and blurred that it feels weird to categorise them into something specific like "happy" or "sad". I guess we have to just learn the neurotypical lingo

I think abstract and blurred is a good way to describe it. I am often not really aware of how I am feeling unless it's anxiety, I know that one very well and can't articulate it.

I also wonder the benefits of talking about feelings, what does it gain or achieve, anytime I've tried it I think it tends to annoy another and make me defensive.

I have a very strange relationship with emotion as I work on logic and my moral code, that's how I interpret things and decide on actions.

 

[leehart]

I feel for you. What is the block re: feelings? Something somewhere shut that down in you , and the job was done pretty well. Now you have to find the on switch!

There is lots in my past that could be a likely cause if it is environmental.

I think part of it is my nature, if I'm honest I don't value emotions, they are unpredictable, often irrational and confusing. I can interpret and understand others emotions, even empathize well with them (I think!) But I can't understand why people work on the basis of them and feel so at ease expressing them.

 

[Aspychata]

Getting more comfortable with my emotions but l am learning that others are uncomfortable if l talk about my emotions and they prefer if l don't. I notice that men seemed threatened by talking about emotions where as woman feel carthargic in spewing overwhelming emotions. So communication styles are different. l have learned to shutup and not discuss feelings with certain people because it creates angst and they get mad at me. So l am burying those feelings and going to the gym for a run instead!

 

[Alexej]

my mind was a computer then the folder for discussing feelings is utterly empty.

for me the folder is not empty, there are things in the folder, but I can't name them and then talking about them is nonsnese. Particularly when my wife is very aware of and fluent in talking about her feelings. She find it really frustrating having to interpret my feelings for me, since I cant.

 

[Progster]

I don't find it easy to talk to others about feelings either, beyond being obviously happy, angry or sad. If someone asks me how I feel about something, I often don't know because I'm not aware of any particular emotion, just neutral.

 

[SusanLR]

I don't like talking about emotions with others because I feel they really don't care and get annoyed.
It is cathartic for me to let it out, but, I feel it makes me look weak in the eyes of others.
I don't like to appear weak.
Even with my therapist I find when I get there I may have all sorts of things written down to discuss,
but, it usually ends up on everyday subjects and my real thoughts and feelings that are bothering me
doesn't get discussed.

 

[leehart]

Apparently this could be something called Alexithymia. Never heard of it but doing a bit of digging now.

 

[Suzanne]

Very hard to do and has caused untold misery and then, when it does arrive, it is too late. Although, in fairness, I think I am gotten a lot better in explaining and my husband helps very much now.

 

[Bolletje]

I have learned how to talk about my feelings. I guess I have a few thorough therapists to thank for that

 

[Gracey]

I'm awaiting a 1:1 'therapy' appointment to arrive in the post.

I'm not seeing 'therapy' as a positive thing.
Based on previous experiences I know I'll be asked about feelings.

How is it that those who experience a full range of feelings rarely believe those who don't?

I'd prefer instruction and information from the therapist on the mechanics of what's happening to me and how I may change my understanding and perception thus my behaviours.

What I don't want is them blathering on about the emotion I'm supposed to have (because they and many others do)

I'm not a robot or made of wood, I do experience some 'feelings'
I don't have much interest or curiosity about many of the emotions others experience.

Perhaps if I stopped masking and told the therapist what I've written above, this particular round of 'therapy' may prove to be a better experience?

 

[leehart]

I'm awaiting a 1:1 'therapy' appointment to arrive in the post.

I'm not seeing 'therapy' as a positive thing.
Based on previous experiences I know I'll be asked about feelings.

How is it that those who experience a full range of feelings rarely believe those who don't?

I'd prefer instruction and information from the therapist on the mechanics of what's happening to me and how I may change my understanding and perception thus my behaviours.

What I don't want is them blathering on about the emotion I'm supposed to have (because they and many others do)

I'm not a robot or made of wood, I do experience some 'feelings'
I don't have much interest or curiosity about many of the emotions others experience.

Perhaps if I stopped masking and told the therapist what I've written above, this particular round of 'therapy' may prove to be a better experience?

Its worth telling them I think. I have done some digging on this alexithymia thing and you should have a wee look, like everything there is an online test for it if you google for it.

 

[hatfullofrain]

I read this article about Alexithymia a few weeks ago. You may find it interesting.

The only emotions I can feel are anger and fear

I used to have more of an issue with this, I think because my parents don't discuss emotions. I've got better at identifying my own emotions as I've got older.

 

[Juliettaa]

I don't find it easy to talk to others about feelings either, beyond being obviously happy, angry or sad. If someone asks me how I feel about something, I often don't know because I'm not aware of any particular emotion, just neutral.

I am the same. The only feelings I was ever able to express to my therapist were anger, anxiety and sadness. If none of those came into play, then I just felt 'okay'. I had no words to describe what feeling okay meant to me, and still don't really, other than 'yes, I'm okay thank you'.

She used to give me some odd looks

And when I received my autism diagnosis, it still didn't make sense to her. Plus, she refused to believe the diagnosis.

We parted company soon afterwards

All the best with your therapy sessions @Gracey

 

[simetra]

When someone asks me whether I like my food, I don't say "yes" for yes but I will cross my eyes. At the moment, I would never come up with just saying a simple "yes". My issues go so deep I can't even properly express when I'm enjoying a meal.

I will also often resort to expressing my feelings by using analogies like "feels like Australian desert". Needless to say, people don't get that. It makes sense to me simply because when I was a child I once listened to a comedian talking about someone who kept digging and ended up at the other end of the globe in the Australian desert, not knowing what to do next. So I will day Australian desert to express I don't know what to do. I feel a little demented typing this since I could just say what I'm feeling like I just explained it but it somehow doesn't work that way for me.

 

[leehart]

When someone asks me whether I like my food, I don't say "yes" for yes but I will cross my eyes. At the moment, I would never come up with just saying a simple "yes". My issues go so deep I can't even properly express when I'm enjoying a meal.

I will also often resort to expressing my feelings by using analogies like "feels like Australian desert". Needless to say, people don't get that. It makes sense to me simply because when I was a child I once listened to a comedian talking about someone who kept digging and ended up at the other end of the globe in the Australian desert, not knowing what to do next. So I will day Australian desert to express I don't know what to do. I feel a little demented typing this since I could just say what I'm feeling like I just explained it but it somehow doesn't work that way for me.

Check out Alexithymia, what you describe doesn't sound as strange as you think it sounds like Alexithymia. In some ways I can relate...I know the words for feelings but not aware of the feelings themselves really.