Beautifully written.I think I felt defeated. Like I'd spent a lifetime fighting a battle only to find out I was in the wrong field. Thing is, that took a bit of time to work out, because my first instinct was "so, now I find out that I cannot win and I never could". But I was actually fighting the wrong battles, because I didn't know the battles I could win. The feelings that understanding triggers are a mixed bunch.
First of all it's regret and perhaps bitterness for missed opportunity, missed chances, for tears of frustration that never needed to be shed. But then, I thought, would i want to be someone else? Perhaps, but I couldn't think of wanting an NT brain; frankly that seems repulsive: worrying about celebs, who said what about who, etc. And so it's a feeling of relief. That part of my life is done. For whatever reason, that was how it had to be for me to end up here, and I am here. I can't second guess why it all happened that way, but that struggle of fighting the wrong battles is DONE!!! Woohoo!!!! I mean sure, sometimes I get sucked back in to trying to do politics (and failing) trying to be cool (and failing) trying to schmooze (and failing), but I can have the epiphany again and again: "don't need to do this".
And finally, it's the recognition that you have your own armoury of weapons, that others don't have. That's not some "2e" thing, it's that removing some perspectives on the world frees the mind to understand things differently. We truly have an uncommon view. Other people don't have it, can't have it, as much as they might want to they can't see the way we do. And we can use that, we just have to have the self-belief to do so, and be able to pick ourselves up when others get spooked or envious. And, for those of us diagnosed later in life, who have been fighting with all strength for DECADES, we have to find the energy. Give yourself the time you need, but have in mind that you will be getting back on your horse soon, and off into battle.... just the right one this time.
A diagnosis is not a list of inabilities. It's a list of differences.