Stress of “Too much”, too much choice especially

[WereBear]

This reminds me of a documentary I once watched - it featured a lady who had brain trauma in an accident which took away her ability to feel emotion. One of the most disabling aspects of it, according to her, was that she found it extremely hard to make decisions. When most people make decisions, they use emotional thinking and select items based on their (often hidden) emotions. This lady was unable to do this, and was left only with analytical thinking, and that was hard for her because analytical, logical thinking wasn't intuitive to her. For me, however, though I may use emotions in my decision-making to some extent, logical thinking prevails and is intuitive to me. I don't use my emotions so much in decision making.

Thus confirming what we always suspected NTs really don't go through their day thinking the way we do!

I find that I am forced to do this kind of analysis and research because manufacturing standards have fallen so low. I can't get an appliance or gadget and assume it will work once it is delivered. We once had a platform bed delivered in boxes and once unwrapped it wasn't wood, it was glue and sawdust; the screws were all too short; there was no bracing to hold it together. Absolute junk and now what?

Mr WereBear tried fixing it but it was pointless when the "wood" won't hold screws. Just a total rip-off and there's no point in memorizing the company and not buying from them again; they form to make a production run of such junk and then dissolve.

 

[Mary Anne]

Hello!

I was wondering if anyone also experiences this. Everytime i go to a store or read about products clothes etc, i feel incredibly overwhelmed. I have a tendency to research everything and constantly wondering what is good and what not. I wonder if anyone else has this? and how do you deal with the stress of “too much choice”.

This has always been my issue, and honestly, I thought I was the only person in the whole world with this issue! I am so glad you started this thread! I noticed several decades ago, that as store sizes increased, and got more crowded how uncomfortable felt. I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable in the aisles - cereal, and laundry products especially because of all the colors, package graphics swirling before my eyes and causing brain stew overload. There have been hours or helplessly pushing shopping carts around trying to make decisions even in clothing stores, or thrifts stores too) and I cannot seem to abandon the cart and LEAVE.
So now, I only shop in small stores, or with a list and go to only the aisle which has exactly what I need. I make a point of not browsing. I know what I need, and know when the least busiest time to go...if it’s 1 am, then that’s when I go. I had to take extreme measures to not be owerwhelmed with shopping.

I do more online shopping from the safety of my home. I shop way less for processed foods so I can avoid those “big box stores. I have practiced exposure also for 3 decades. I soon will be working up to 30 hours per week in a big box store, but it will be in the garden section, somI can “escape” amongst the colorful plants, and flowers outdoors. Escape is extremely important in these environments with loud noise, bright overwhelming colors, displays going from floor to 2 stories up to the ceilings, and too many shoppers, moving fork lifts, etc. ugggh! Exposure practice WORKS!

 

[LiberationBattle]

I very much understand that this is a generational thing. We are overwhelmed in choices due to technological industry, social media, and consumerism.

Paradox of Choice by Barry Shwartz (TED)

 

[Ezra]

I recently came across the term, Decision Fatigue. It's an explanation of why some people with autism have the same routine, wear the same type outfit every day, eat the same type food everyday. Making decisions uses up mental energy and having to make too many decisions can cause brain clutter. It's another one of those overload issues. Sameness and routine helps reduce overload. That's my take anyways.

 

[Diagnosed2015]

People tease me about not making choices, but I tend to "obsess" on most choices mentally for days/weeks/months until I decide to purchase an item. I make sure I understand the instructions and how it works (hopefully) before I make a decision.

There are a lot of things I don't have (or want) to make decisions about, such as what to eat or whether *this* item is better than *that* item. When I tell someone "I don't care," I honestly don't, but it isn't always understood that way.

When I *do* decide what purchase to make, I usually enter the store, state what I'm looking for, and leave. I often remind salespeople (in jest) that I am the easiest sale they will make, as long as they show me (whatever) .... I'm often open to better suggestions, but unless something does *more* than one I am choosing, and the *cost* is about the same, I'll listen.

There are even restaurants named, "I Don't Care," which have a subtitle of "Your girlfriend's favorite place to go!"

 

[Mr Allen]

If there's "too much" going on in my life at any one time, I generally have a MASSIVE meltdown and go on a long swear word filled rant to my Parents and on my Blog about life, the Universe and everything.

 

[Streetwise]

Hello!

I was wondering if anyone also experiences this. Everytime i go to a store or read about products clothes etc, i feel incredibly overwhelmed. I have a tendency to research everything and constantly wondering what is good and what not. I wonder if anyone else has this? and how do you deal with the stress of “too much choice”.

yes but I'm learning to stop for a short time do something else and then come back

 

[Sid Delicious]

I'm another boring as hell person and tend to stick to routines or the same food/drinks/clothes/items once I find something that I like (which drives some people mad). I find that helps to avoid the decision overload that you mention. I also don't see the point in wasting time and effort trying fifty different perfumes or whatever it is if I already know that I really like a specific one and I'm happy with it. I have better things to be thinking about in the limited time I have on this planet! As other people have mentioned, that probably does make me a 'bad' consumer!

 

[DesolateImp96]

Thank you for your reply ! i agree it is an asset but for me personally it can be very overwhelming. Maybe it is more that i am a perfectionist (so my purchases also have to be perfect) so i become fixated on finding perfection. That is hard to let go haha

You are right knowing that you make the right decision is great ! i will keep that in mind

That happens to me too. For example I spent 10 minutes in the shampoo section at Walgreens just trying to make a choice lol. When you shop if it helps try to start small axe vs old spice and slowly add the other options like Irish spring if you aren’t happy with the first two

Axe is better than old spice

But is axe better than Irish spring?

Hope it helps

 

[pjcnet]

Sometimes I end up not buying anything at all because I can't decide, actually paying for it can be a big step to overcome and it's less stressful to put it off until another day, especially if it's an expensive purchase, but then I go home and wish I had brought something, so I can't win sometimes.

Having another person there to also advise can help give me the confidence I need to go ahead and buy. Also some shops can help like Argos in the UK who have a 30 day no quibble returns policy on virtually all items, you don't even have to have a reason to return it so it reduces the stress knowing that you can change your mind if you want to later, a lot of mail order companies have similar returns policies, but you still lose the postage costs unless the item is faulty. I will also spend quite a bit of time online comparing items I wish to buy first, sitting at my PC doesn't stress me as much as when I'm actually at the shops and sometimes I will just order online.

For purchases where I can, E.g. food, I will often just buy the same thing so I don't have to make more difficult decisions and I never seem to get fed up of it like NTs who often never want the same thing on 2 days on a trot, the amount of times I've heard NTs say something like, "I don't want that again because I had it yesterday". I can have the same thing 100 days on a trot, even more than once the same day and it won't bother me, although I try to vary it for health reasons. I will try something new occasionally, but it's usually when I'm recommended to try it by someone else. I will also ensure I give a varied diet to my cat and I will give her new things to try, she is my very best friend.

 

[GrownupGirl]

Shopping for clothes is the one thing I absolutely cannot stand having to do. But not really because of the many choices. In fact there seems to be very little choice for a woman my age, height, weight, body shape and clothing preferences. Mainly it's because I have to try them on first, especially if they're pants. It's awkward and embarrassing, I hate seeing how ugly and gross my body looks when I undress, and the new clothes almost never fit or look right the first time I try them on. Even if my mother is there to help just the thought of having to try clothes on makes me anxious and I'm lucky I'm not in tears by the time we're done.

 

[Mattymatt]

Hello!

I was wondering if anyone also experiences this. Everytime i go to a store or read about products clothes etc, i feel incredibly overwhelmed. I have a tendency to research everything and constantly wondering what is good and what not. I wonder if anyone else has this? and how do you deal with the stress of “too much choice”.

Having a lot of choice is very stressful for me as well. I tend to do much better with fewer choices. This makes supermarket shopping extremely difficult and overwhelming. It also makes job hunting difficult because my brain wants to run in 20 different directions. I don't deal very well it but I have found that when faced with a lot of choices, I make a list of the positives and negatives of each; an actual handwritten or typed list. From there, I evaluate the one that makes the most sense.

 

[Nomen Dubium]

Hello!

I was wondering if anyone also experiences this. Everytime i go to a store or read about products clothes etc, i feel incredibly overwhelmed. I have a tendency to research everything and constantly wondering what is good and what not. I wonder if anyone else has this? and how do you deal with the stress of “too much choice”.

I can't 'shop' the way other people shop. I live with my dad and he handles all of that. If he asks me if I can think of anything we need, my mind goes blank. I live in 'impulse-buy' mode every second I'm in a shop. If I'm sent to buy bread, I'll come back with bread, cookies, maybe a beer or two and whatever other nick-nacks passed through my field of vision while I was there.

I think the impulse-buying thing is down to the fact I'm completely incapable of planning anything. I walk in, I buy stuff, I walk out. If I try to write a shopping list, again, my mind goes blank. If I'm given a shopping list I might not buy what dad assumes I would logically buy - different brand, wrong size, etc. It's as if I go through my shopping day inside a permanent fog of 'what am I doing here?'

Nothing about shopping feels natural to me. I see people walking by, pushing trollies full of whatever, and I think, 'how did you make the decision to buy those things? How do you select them?' Upshot is I have no imagination as a shopper and I tend to buy the same things every time, because that keeps it simple and simple can be remembered.

Oh, and does anyone else hate it when the store randomly changes the locations of everything?

 

[BlueSky Aozora]

Snap. I can't "just shop". I have a specific item I need and I research it. If I want a dress then I will look at EVERY shop in EVERY accessible town centre and EVERY website that approximates what I want. I'll review all possible information before making a decision.

My husband finds this hilarious, he often asks why I can't just take the easy route and just BUY a dress. I do this with absolutely everything, from sofas to coats. If there are too many choices then it can take me 6 months to make one small decision.

But I think that's part of the aspie brain, we take in masses of facts, huge amounts of seemingly insignificant information, find the patterns and make the decision. It makes us more accurate but we also take longer. I don't think it is good or bad, it just is.

I deal with it now by limiting my parameters. I have 6 website and 4 chosen stores. I scan them all and make a choice. Tempting as it is, I ignore other variables unless I can't find it in my chosen 10.

Similar with me
But my aspie husband doesn't have problem deciding.. He decides fast. Perhaps it's not of his interest.

 

[Nightingale121]

If I'm given a shopping list I might not buy what dad assumes I would logically buy - different brand, wrong size, etc. It's as if I go through my shopping day inside a permanent fog of 'what am I doing here?'

Whenever I went shopping for my mother I asked very specific questions just to avoid this and buy the correct item. I also often checked the cartons etc. we had at home, so I could remember the data (size, brand etc.) and buy the exact same kind again like requested.
Nowadays I tend to buy the same stuff again and again whenever possible, so I don't have to make new decisions every time.

P. S.: I wrote a blog post related to this topic some time ago that goes into more detail about my own experiences with this problem: Executive Function and Choice Paralysis