My example ( if thread does not make much sense) is that of birds singing. I am better now, but the sound used to put me in overdrive of panic and deep anxiety.
Without going in to huge detail. I remember that it was the birds who first alerted me to a day of misery; a sound of doom and despair and I feel so sad about that, because birds are wonderful creatures; even down to the very tiny ones.
I'm sorry... : ( Birds make me all happy...
I'm guessing something bad happened to you while you remember hearing the birds singing???
It stinks that some old memory jumps up and ruins what would be something enjoyable.
My deal is to be having a great day, and then suddenly hearing other people screaming at each other... Screaming is shutdown central for me, or a time to bolt... It brings back very bad times that went from screaming at me, to not even remembering what happened. Only to wake up beaten and bruised or with broken bones.
Any form of violence makes me start shaking uncontrollably (sometimes even on TV), so I just try to find ways to get away from it the second I suspect it. I'm not a coward... The bigger problem is, now I am old enough and strong enough to do things that I might regret the rest of my life.
I never want to harm another person (its not even in me to harm people). I know too well what it feels like to be hurting and regain consciousness after a psychopath has beaten me senseless. Then they try to console me (or drug me) and convinces me that they only did that to help me. Really? I think it was more like attempted murder, but they didn't have the guts to finish the job and then guilt would kick in and they just called that LOVE???
So today... I just go and try and get my mind on something else asap. In my case it PTSD on steroids... I sort of flash back when people scream at each other, but now I try and throw that thought aside by jumping mental tracks in my head as fast as I can. Externally I may appear to be doing something odd, because I will be removing myself from any violence if at all possible. God himself only knows what might happen if I ever get in a trapped situation where I had to fight my way out.
The best thing I could pray for is a major shut down, because if it was to go the other way...??? I don't think I could live with what I would do to get out, so I watch very closely to not find myself tangled up in some violent screaming match with anyone... Ever. Nor will I allow anyone to start screaming at me. I just walk off, and its for their good not mine.
I used to love school because it got me out of an abusive home life, but the bullying became brutal. I was a small kid compared to my class mates. I didn't talk. I couldn't control all my physical functions sometimes.
I was from a dysfunctional home... All this was just fuel for kids to make my life a living hell on earth, only to wind up getting in trouble for shutting down.
I had one teacher who should have been thrown in jail! She would actually hit me in front of the class. She hated me for being left handed. She grabbed my left hand once and I swear she was trying to break it.
She was my reading/writing teacher and I just couldn't get cursive writing. I did try but hated it so I would just print... I failed her class and got my ass beat at home for that. She would even provoke things that would get me beat up by the other kids, and then blame it on me for disrupting her class... She told the principle I was "unteachable."
They moved me out of her class and just sent me to the library for that class time... It was the greatest thing ever! Later it was noticed I had no issues there and people also noticed I loved to read and learn. The librarian, who at first didn't like me from what she had heard about me... Later she became my main guardian. She loved me and would do anything to make sure I was safe... I loved her more than anyone around me. I used to wish she was my mom...
She would watch out for me, even outside the library... God does send help when we need it ... always!
