Sometimes I cannot communicate

[Suzanne]

I get this too!

I am a christian and at my meetings, we have the chance many times to answer up and share thoughts! My head is simply filled with thoughts, but do not reach my mouth. However, I am very expressive and so, when a brother is on the stage, I am smiling and nodding in agreement.

Funnily enough, I was put on what we call: theocratic ministry school by error, but it appears to have been a very good error for me, because I am not doing too bad and that is because I can act my role. But put me in the audience and I am stuck for words!

I am also dreadful with quick thinking and have many missed opportunities!

 

[Larisa]

Yes! I feel that way very often.
I feel overwhelmed by trying to listen to myself and to understand what's going on around me and inside of me.
And I absolutely need that to sense any sort of confidence in taking decisions in my life.
I have friends I care for but I can't make myself to get in touch with them for months - and I keep counting the time passed but I feel no strenght, no thought to make any steps to make a contact with them.
Sometimes I think if it is really a beginning of the end of our relationship but I can't channel any efforts into 'checking out' the vitality of my connections with these people.
One of my friends sometimes take offence in my long 'absences' (or rather 'spacing-outs') and she feels underestimated and 'taken for granted' when I try to explain my need for solitude because of wild mixture of many feelings and thoughts in my mind.
It hurts me that she has a point, but I just can't show her my appreciation of her friendship she needs sometimes.
I noticed that no former or present my relationship with other people evolved in peace and harmony - there were always 'ups' and 'downs' and as much as they stress me, I became aware that it's kind of normal for living people to be unpredictable.
So I can only take them as they are and I can have my own space and solitude when I feel need in them.
And that's the only thing that allows me to be as communicative with other people as I can.
So I try not to 'beat' myself for 'not being a friend good enough' while I had to get time and space for myself and my spinning feelings and thoughts.

 

[Judge]

I find with my boyfriend that when he is overloaded I have to just let him be. Being an NT it is difficult sometimes because it can make me feel like I am losing him but there is no point me nagging him about something he cannot help is there?

Knowledge is power. To be self-aware of not only one's own neurology, but that of another gives you the opportunity to work out such differences. To know that in most cases if he distances you from time to time, not to take it personally. You aren't likely "losing him". He's simply "recharging his batteries" socially. IT'S WHAT WE DO.

You don't have to understand or even relate to it. But to make such a relationship thrive, you just have to accept it for what it is. That it's more likely to keep you together than pull you apart.

 

[TeriM]

Knowledge is power. To be self-aware of not only one's own neurology, but that of another gives you the opportunity to work out such differences. To know that in most cases if he distances you from time to time, not to take it personally. You aren't likely "losing him". He's simply "recharging his batteries" socially. IT'S WHAT WE DO.

You don't have to understand or even relate to it. But to make such a relationship thrive, you just have to accept it for what it is. That it's more likely to keep you together than pull you apart.

I think I do accept it which is why I am not reactive. We actually do not row because I do not make a big deal of things. It does hurt sometimes but I accept that is me being an NT and we are wired differently. Xx

 

[Judge]

I think I do accept it which is why I am not reactive. We actually do not row because I do not make a big deal of things. It does hurt sometimes but I accept that is me being an NT and we are wired differently. Xx

Perhaps in time that "hurt" will go away. That time alone might solve that issue given most importantly that you seem to be aware of what you need to know. Hope it works out for you.

 

[Larisa]

I think I do accept it which is why I am not reactive. We actually do not row because I do not make a big deal of things. It does hurt sometimes but I accept that is me being an NT and we are wired differently. Xx

There are several things I noticed in the most NT people I've met: they did not use or understand the notions like: 'trust', 'integrity' (i.e. 'honesty'), 'responsibility', 'respect' and so on. For these people I met those were only 'morals', idealistic concepts.
But for me they are real definitions of my perception of a human being.
Whether a person can be trust-worthy? Does he/she respect me and vise versa?
A good friend of mine tries to monitor my interests and she admitted fear that I might loose interest in friendship with her.
I understand her anxiety for I, too, sometimes fear that I have little in common with her.
But I noticed that I might get closer with people who share my intense interest, but this one-sided attraction is never as important for me as long-lasting friendship with a person I saw in many situations, I shared a lot of common interests in past and have certain acceptance and understanding in present.
I try to explain it for her but I can not really understand - if she fears my leaving, does it mean that she considers our long connection not that as worthy keeping and relatively stable as I do? Maybe it's her who considers leaving?

 

[TeriM]

I try to explain it for her but I can not really understand - if she fears my leaving, does it mean that she considers our long connection not that as worthy keeping and relatively stable as I do? Maybe it's her who considers leaving?

I think this is just where we think differently, you see you know what is inside your head but she doesnt, if that makes sense. Sometimes I am second guessing partner but it doesnt mean I dont value what we have it just means the emotional markers I am used to as an NT are not there. For instance I messaged him two hours ago he has read it but not replied, now I know, because I understand him now, that he is probably absorbed in something but if an NT guy did it I would see it as a red flag. Does that make any sense? Xx

 

[Larisa]

I try to explain it for her but I can not really understand - if she fears my leaving, does it mean that she considers our long connection not that as worthy keeping and relatively stable as I do? Maybe it's her who considers leaving?

I think this is just where we think differently, you see you know what is inside your head but she doesnt, if that makes sense. Sometimes I am second guessing partner but it doesnt mean I dont value what we have it just means the emotional markers I am used to as an NT are not there. For instance I messaged him two hours ago he has read it but not replied, now I know, because I understand him now, that he is probably absorbed in something but if an NT guy did it I would see it as a red flag. Does that make any sense? Xx

Yes, it has sense in a way. I try to be as attentive to her as she asks, but sometimes she gets angry with me for no particular reason from my point of view. It hurts.
It seems that there are two approaches to communications as I see: I understand communication in cases when I need support or when my friend requires support. I value relationship of mutual help and interest, of sharing troubles for two. That's why I don't get reasons to be 'dragged' into communication when no one needs help. That's why I startle when I'm addressed - I apriori expect it to be asking for help, but it's only about entertainment I do not really understand or care about.
(The other approach to communication is about seeking common pleasure activities - and I find it hard to understand because I can mostly find plenty things and thoughts to entertain myself with, but other people, including my friend, would not find them to be interesting).
Sometimes I want to share my entertainment with my friend - to go for walking together, to go to Finland for weekend, to meet at her house for talking and drinking tea with a tasty chocolate bar. But she needs more attention and time than I'm capable of spending or giving to her.
I value my friendship with my friend and we mostly balance our expectations from each other and what we can offer to each other.
I think it's a real miracle.

 

[Joni]

Sometimes I can't talk or even write, just the though of interracting with someone is more than I can manage, my mind already overfilled with information and feelings. It's not that I don't want to talk or visit but I am stuck, I just cannot do it. There have been times when I have wanted to post here at the site and I can't. I am absolutely full and can't take more stimulation. I wish it wasn't like this. Sometimes I can't even communicate with my girlfriend because it's just too much. It's like there is a certain amount that I can think and feel in one day and when I have reached that point I am stuck, I cannot go any further.

I want so much to be able to say what I am thinking or tell someone I care about them or answer their question but I am overloaded and need to shut down. I hope people understand that sometimes even though I am not saying anything it does not mean I am not thinking about them. Sometimes, I just have to shut down. Does anyone else feel this way?

I know exactly how you feel, I've just spent two days away at a family funereal with no chance of being on my own at all, and then straight back to work. This is hard because everybody wants to talk and ask questions about my father in law who passed. I'm just numb I can't interact, I have visions of climbing into a small cupboard and shutting myself away from everything. My mind is still processing all the social interaction I had three days ago, thank god I've a long weekend coming up where I will see no one but immediate family cod even they are too much at the moment. Sorry if this sounds like the ramblings of a mad woman.

 

[James Dunn]

When I am like that, I have a set of cue cards that I use to express myself as I become mute as well on top of it.
I have designed them for myself to use and they get the point across as well i have a few pieces of paper I have typed up and laminated explaining that I have Autism and I need to get away for a short time to calm down..

I want so much to be able to say what I am thinking or tell someone I care about them or answer their question but I am overloaded and need to shut down. I hope people understand that sometimes even though I am not saying anything it does not mean I am not thinking about them. Sometimes, I just have to shut down. Does anyone else feel this way?[/QUOTE]

 

[NlGHTgirl]

YES!!!!! The words for the emotions come out of my mouth wrong......feelings, can't identify, can't fully describe....

My friend pointed out that I would often say "I am so mad!....." before starting an exceptionally interesting exciting story of something utterly fantastic that happened. I am smiling though, so I am not mad, at all, he points out. and I'm not. mad. I have this really odd story to tell about what happened! (probably some outrageous way someone attempted to take advantage of me.....)

decided to use the all encompassing word "upset".....excited..... feelings, can't describe!

2.
a. To disturb the functioning, order, or course of: Protesters upset the meeting by chanting and shouting. See Synonyms at overthrow.
b. To cause (the stomach) to feel ill.
3. To distress or perturb mentally or emotionally:




My father used to scream at us kids (pretty common? they even spank in the old days). It taught us kids NOT to cry. as that was the reaction he desired. So, who knows? If I did start to feel tears, I would repress them, as men (? are trained to do so?) (I'm not a man.)

 

[Progster]

Yes, this happens to me a lot after work. I have to talk and interact a lot for work, and I manage to keep going while working, but often during the last hour I'm struggling and afterwards I'm completely brainfried.

 

[Ste11aeres]

For instance I messaged him two hours ago he has read it but not replied, now I know, because I understand him now, that he is probably absorbed in something but if an NT guy did it I would see it as a red flag. Does that make any sense? Xx

You've just reminded me that I should respond to someone who messaged me at the beginning of this past week...