Some days I can't leave the house? Advice?

[Mellotron]

I find that I can generally leave the house if I have tasks to complete, otherwise I won't leave. I don't like the bustling of being out in crowds, makes me nervous or edgy. On my days off I'll go out for a run and maybe pick up something at the store but the going to the store part is a chore and I generally don't like it. I have less trouble with this if it is after work and I am already out. Otherwise if I don't have any reason to go out I just won't.

I have a problem leaving my house at all though if I know my landlord is around. He will catch me and waste long amounts of time talking to me (or really at me) about his interests while taking shots at what I do and saying underhanded mean things. He does this to both me and my girlfriend so we try to keep out of sight of him if we can. It makes me very anxious having to sneak around the property and if I hear a door open or footsteps I get all nervous and try to run in the house as fast as I can. Maybe a NT person wouldn't care so much but I definitely cannot handle it well.

 

[haveyoumettopster]

I know this is an older thread. Anyhow, I've dealt with head on agoraphobia. I call myself a recovering agoraphobic actually. It started out slowly, I would have these bouts of leaving my home less & less, & stay inside in the dark, & only go out in the dark. I am diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, & agoraphobia is what they called other aspects of it, but sometimes I think it is not. Sometimes I think it is not BPD that I deal with because I have other different symptoms that are not known where they stem from. I've been in & out of therapy since I was 3. I was diagnosed at 21. I was placed in a special school because I had learning disabilities. Yadda yadda.

I couldn't even get my mail still within the building. I lived in a very small place, I used to pace daily. I used to sleep a ton. I gained weight. I grew tired all of the time. During a large portion of this time I was in DBT (dialectic behavior therapy) twice a week. The group was hard at first, but great. The one on one not so good, & than I found a T that was very effective for me, someone I could trust.

I've always been an observer throughout my whole life. Different. In my own World as people often say, "what color is my sky today?" Why am I so grumpy, & I am not grumpy I am pensive. There is a difference, Helllllo! Anyways, long story short.

I had goals to get my mail, to leave the house daily. I had to re-learn skills that I didn't have growing up on how to handle society I suppose. I use those skills when I wake up, I try to be mindful of them daily, especially if I feel blue. When you trap yourself in your mind too long, other things can start to go astray, you can get sicker mentally & physically, as it all goes hand in hand. It's good to find your own balance though.

I did many other things to get to my next point took a couple of years, but when I was ready, I left the house at about 4:30 in the am to jog, never without my music. I left this early because I didn't have to deal with people. This helped me kill some anxieties, I got back into better physical shape, although never dealing with too much mental aspect - this would hurt me later, but as it is, 4 years later again, & although many many set backs, I always inched forward. I still inch forward, & have new ways of looking at things. I've been working back in society doing a job for a little over a year, I never would have thought possible a few years ago. I still often think, how it is possible, working around so many people that I just don't read very well, or read too much. Hypersensitivity.

I drop things, I am clumsy, nervous, I stutter, I get made fun of for it, people can be cruel, but I am not them, my job is very repetitive & organized so I can do it without an issue, I tremble, & when I can, I won't deal with them. (customers) I go to work, I'm polite, I do my job, I go home, I work out. I eat well. I pay my own bills. I think of work like a game in my head. I work it out.

I am doing very well, & I believe that to also be very important, to acknowledge the work you can do for yourself. & that it's okay to have low's & to be aware of them, & why. I still have drawbacks. I know now though, that 3 days in my home without leaving, is my maximum at this time. I still have to push myself out the door everyday, some days are worse, some days are better. I still worry about relapses. I have them sometimes. I worry about old behaviors, & cycles. I still see a T from time to time, but I've done a lot of the work on my own, & found that my T was there to guide me or be like the parent I never had.

It felt longer, but possibly about 3-4 years where I wouldn't leave my home, & on numerous occasions tried to kill myself. I had someone pick me up every couple of months to get groceries or go to the Doctors. Sometimes I would get groceries delivered to me by the food bank. I was placed on medical. I was on medical for about 6 years. That was my earlier 20's, & now in my late 20's.

I think it is sad that I shut down for so long, & it feels like I wasted a lot of my life, but I had to go through it, to come out in the end or beginning. I wouldn't say to go through it, some say they would do their wrong's ( or a path that they needn't explore) all over again, because the outcome was well worth it. I wouldn't. It was a lonely, sick, & painful place to be in. & I did other things to myself within that time frame, that I also had to recover from.

Things that people say to you have nothing to do with you, people speak their own insecurities. Hence do not take it personally. (listen) ~ Me C. Green 2009 (c)

If you're not Weird, you're not Normal, now that's Weird. ~ Me C.Green 2010 (c)

Thank you for sharing the experience. Your story's an inspiration. I believe all you've said is a tell-tale sign that you're in recovery mode and things are only gonna get better from now on. Your immense positivity is bolder word after word. Thanks again for spreading the hope. I'm now positive that I can overcome this too.

 

[ColorfulDreams]

this hasnt really happened to me at all-in fact,i freak out when I am stuck in the house,or havent left for a few days. I do get tired of being around people,and after a day at the mall,im just about the crankiest person ever. And sometimes after going to a party or a club and getting ignored,as always,im scared to ever go back. But as far as just leaving the house in general,I thrive on it. It lets me know that I am alive,and I am just another human-not some fragment of my imagination or something. (when reading this,take in account I have a severe phobia of death,the supernatural,etc,that can make me feel surreal at times)

 

[nowwhat]

Yes people stress me out, too. Unfortunately, my lifestyle forces me to deal with them daily, to a degree where I can become a real a-hole if I can't find time alone to recharge. I know what you mean about hating everyone and everything, even myself. Do you feel as guilty about it as I do? I've gotten better at using what control I have over my "people time" to keep it out of the ditch most of the time. And I make sure I get daily recharge time, whether others like it or not. They are less fond of stressed, depressed, negative, self-loathing me, so they will just have to deal with my mini retreats into my interests.

 

[pmgyhy]

i have no fear of leaving the house or being in public. i am simply mentally paralyzed and won’t for myself. if there is an obligation to someone then I go. no anxiety at all. very strange to me

 

[Jay Galatic]

I can easily spend days and even weeks without leaving the house, even if I want to go out, I can't. It's like I'm hit with this overwhelming anxiety and fear of going outside, for some time I've even thought I could be borderline agoraphobic. I often find I get like this when I have spent a long time around people, it's like I can only cope with people for a certain amount of time, after that I don't want to expose myself to the chance of social discomfort (if that makes any sense)... Does anyone else feel like this? I just end up hating myself and everyone around me... I need some way of coping but I don't know what to do, it's effecting my college work and attendance and if I carry on avoiding everything I won't be able to go to university etc.

I've lost more than enough jobs do to what you are experiencing. It's not hard for me to make friends, although its hard for me to care for them.

Its not hard for me to make plans, but it seems hard for me to stick to them. I'm a giant flake, I want to believe its a combination of anxiety and laziness, but I'm sure its none of those. What I have acknowledge about myself is even when standing in a gas station to buy a soda, or maybe beer.

If someone is standing behind me, especially the opposite sex, suddenly I am like paralyzed in a constant state of mind of making sure everything I do is perfect, which makes absolutely no sense, because I would never hold someone to the same standard, and its not just the opposite sex, if a group is behind me it escalates, my knees start to shake, I start to sweat incredibly in my arm pits. and I cant stop this incessant thought in my head that everyone must be critically analyzing me.

I suppose what has helped me, is to accept I'm strange, and to instead of trying to be perfect, trying to be me, imperfect old me. This way when I go anywhere, were their are other people I don't think they are constantly thinking negatively about me just for the simple fact I exist.

Sometime I though it was depression, but I am not depressed, I like life and would like to go out more. but I Dont like how unpredictable people can be.

Got too long, now how to fix this, Awh this is tricky to be honest, I first did it by drinking. Yes horrible whatever. but it worked. pretty much started acting in interesting ways at work and stuff and everyone loved it never got fired, no longer challenged management on their incompetence basically made everyone my friend, and was able to now see what should not be said and what can be said like dick jokes why is it, i cant talk about god, but i can talk about dick jokes, started to not think twice about my behavior and body movements as constantly. In other words I was no longer competing with my self everyday to be better than who I was yesterday. I never drank liquor though that's disgusting. And the road to alcoholism.

Anyways the truth is, there is no fixing it, theirs only realizing you have to be stronger than it, and accept it what makes you who you are, sure you can use drugs, but then you'll become dependent, and drugs do damage. No matter if pharmaceutical or self prescribed ^.~.

You have to realize, you are only human, and everyone else expects you to be only human, you should not be thinking you have to be a certain way when exposing yourself to the public.

At least I believe this is what causes 100% of anxiety, is thinking you have to be anywhere near perfect to be liked, acknowledged, or at all just pleasant to be around.

Unless you hate people for the most part like me, bunch of selfish, lying, parasitic, sell their mother for a goat, demon worshipping scumbags. Then you just have to realize if your not out there in the world shining your light on people, then the deep depth shadows of everyone else's heart will swallow them into an abyss of depression.

but once you acknowledge they are all trash and your not, you should feel better about going out.

Oh and if you work at a call center or any job with a large volume of talking to parasites all day, just whenever someone ask you something that would otherwise escalate just say "I wish i had the answer to that." they will give up and hang up, play dumb at jobs where you have to deal with alot of people, the more skilled and intelligent you are, the more the customer will expect from you the worse your time spent working will be.

 

[watersprite]

@Jay Galatic “Unless you hate people for the most part like me, bunch of selfish, lying, parasitic, sell their mother for a goat, demon worshipping scumbags.”

I may have spit out my tea lol.
However.
Focusing on this ^ is likely to increase social anxiety, whether it’s true or not.

Mindfulness practice and breath work does help.
Easily researched.

Try it for a few weeks & keep notes as to how you’re feeling.
There are many apps which will help train you, if you go in for that sort of thing.

When I am not in the mood to go out, I don’t. It it is imperative, then I focus on it as a kind of practice, & as often as possible, remind myself that my sanctuary is waiting for me.

 

[Mis-fit]

I can easily spend days and even weeks without leaving the house, even if I want to go out, I can't. It's like I'm hit with this overwhelming anxiety and fear of going outside, for some time I've even thought I could be borderline agoraphobic. I often find I get like this when I have spent a long time around people, it's like I can only cope with people for a certain amount of time, after that I don't want to expose myself to the chance of social discomfort (if that makes any sense)... Does anyone else feel like this? I just end up hating myself and everyone around me... I need some way of coping but I don't know what to do, it's effecting my college work and attendance and if I carry on avoiding everything I won't be able to go to university etc.

Jessica,

I am a lot like that, but not to the amount you describe. I don't know if you are familiar with different types of personalities. Some people love to be around others, can't stay away, and actually prefer to have others in there lives at all times. In fact, they feel insecure when they are not surrounded by others. Yet some of us, well, it's a different story altogether. We can only be around people for so long before it drains our batteries. We can get a headache, feel worn completely physically out, we can just want to jump off the globe into space so we can be alone for once.

There is a website called 16 Personalities. Appropriately named: Free personality test, type descriptions, relationship and career advice | 16Personalities

I suggest you try taking the test to see where you fit in. I have a very, very rare personality. Less than 3% of the population have my personality type. Thus, I do feel quite alone in the world. They have a social section that you can were you can meet up with other people of your personality type. There are basically 16 different types of personalities. When I learned what mine was and is, it helped me to understand why I like what I like and don't like what I don't like. How I don't fit in where and where I do. It helped me a lot. Although I believe it may not solve all your problems, it could really help with understanding why you feel so reluctant to go out and meet with people.

Bob

 

[22222]

I would feel overwhelmed by the number of people in my college classes - especially large lecture halls. I would always do my best to get to class early enough to sit in the front row. Then the only person I was really aware of was the instructor and the packed desks behind me were out of view.

 

[Streetwise]

Do what you can

 

[Skittlebisquit]

"Unless you hate people for the most part like me, bunch of selfish, lying, parasitic, sell their mother for a goat, demon worshipping scumbags. Then you just have to realize if your not out there in the world shining your light on people, then the deep depth shadows of everyone else's heart will swallow them into an abyss of depression."

Quote of the week. Thanks for sharing. When you get bored, buy some epoxy and glue a quarter down in front of a vending machine.

 

[Nick12]

i dont like staying at home all the time i love going out in the world to do fun things either by my self or with the best best best best mom ever