• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Solitude

Fino

Alex
V.I.P Member
Do you have any tips on how to accept and enjoy frequent solitude and decrease the innate need to engage in social interaction? I understand relationships are an important component to our lives, but I'm seeking ways of further accepting their lack of frequency and intensity. A much simpler way of stating it would be: enjoying being alone.

Engaging in hobbies and exercising regularly are great starts. What are some lesser known techniques, ways of being, etc.?
 

Outdated

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Hi Fino, enjoying solitude wasn't something I worked towards, it's just the way I always was.

Finding solitary activities that you enjoy will naturally help. If this sort of thing interests you, try wildlife photography. That gets you out alone and helps you enjoy the peace in nature.
 

Silhouette Mirage

Paranormal Investigator™
V.I.P Member
Are you trying to become a hermit (or something similar)? As a hermit myself, I wouldn't wish that upon anyone who doesn't have a very natural inclination toward the lifestyle, and according to most, you'd be much better off (and arguably even healthier) if you didn't pursue the path at all (or anything similar), honestly.

If it's your natural inclination, you might already have a bunch of highly-immersive hobbies / skills at your disposal; in your spare time, just engage in them frequently and allow your inner-life to flourish. Turn your phone on dead silent whenever possible (put it in another room, even), and enjoy the silence.
 

Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
Are you now deciding that you are having a harder time being alone then in the past? Has something changed in your life?

I go through life accepting my busy social time and the times that l have been somewhat isolated. Have you considered a pet? I don't know your circumstances or if a pet is feasible.

I wonder about someone l know, who is alone, and l wonder what it would be like to spend more time with them but they enjoy solitude so l will never know. I actually asked if we could try living together but they shot it down. But l have understood and respected their opinion. I am now forced to live with someone else because being a single older female can be a struggle of pushing away other men.
 
Last edited:

velociraptor

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Hi Fino, enjoying solitude wasn't something I worked towards, it's just the way I always was.
I have to second this. I never get tired of being left on my own. My problem is forcing myself to do the necessary minimum level of interaction needed to maintain my social skills - they atrophy with disuse.

I was one of those who really loved the first part of 2020 when everything everywhere was shut down for the pandemic. It was probably the most civilized the world has ever been for me. I especially enjoyed seeing the authorities arresting extroverts as they have always annoyed the @#$% out of me.

Finding solitary activities that you enjoy will naturally help. If this sort of thing interests you, try wildlife photography. That gets you out alone and helps you enjoy the peace in nature.
I would suggest starting with landscape photography if new to the hobby. The kit required for doing good wildlife photography is not cheap. I'm currently using a $6,000 camera body and $3,000 lens for this. You can do fantastic landscape work with a $100 digital camera.
 

Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
Do you have any tips on how to accept and enjoy frequent solitude and decrease the innate need to engage in social interaction? I understand relationships are an important component to our lives, but I'm seeking ways of further accepting their lack of frequency and intensity. A much simpler way of stating it would be: enjoying being alone.

Engaging in hobbies and exercising regularly are great starts. What are some lesser known techniques, ways of being, etc.?

You could always move to a island, live in a tower, and never call anybody.
 
Last edited:

Outdated

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I was one of those who really loved the first part of 2020 when everything everywhere was shut down for the pandemic. It was probably the most civilized the world has ever been for me.

Me Too! I got to catch a bus without overpowering perfumes getting up my nose. And the shopping centre was so quiet and peaceful. I loved the lockdown.
 

Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
Me Too! I got to catch a bus without overpowering perfumes getting up my nose. And the shopping centre was so quiet and peaceful. I loved the lockdown.
I loved shopping in empty stores. And l loved telling men, 6ft distance. Lol
 

SusanLR

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
It was always natural for me also.
I never had the inclination to be with others even as a child, so it didn't bother me.
For those who feel this way, it will come without thought of what to do.

I loved the lock down at the beginning of the pandemic also.
Being able to get out and drive with no one around was wonderful.
And having the whole store to shop almost alone. Loved it.

I don't know of any techniques to incorporate as all I ever did was
"act naturally."
 

Neonatal RRT

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Solitude is actually enjoyable when I am "intellectually engaged" in something. Having multiple interests and activities to keep my mind occupied is necessary.
 

WhitewaterWoman

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I generally prefer being alone. There’s a lot of hype about how badly we need to socialize. When I consider the damage done to me in social situations…perhaps being alone is better.
 

Darkkin

Lioness of Spoons
V.I.P Member
There are many people who are quick to pathologise a preference (need) for solitude, shunting it under headings like psychopathy, sociopathy, and narcissism because it flies in the face of the inherently 'social' tribe mentality that is the driving force of human civilisation.

But introversion and extroversion form a spectrum just as autism does. Those who find peace in the vast emptiness of an unstructured day and time with their own thoughts tend to be a fairly elusive contingent.

These are individuals who came through enforced quarantine unscathed, more self aware, and comfortable with themselves than ever before. They are self reliant, self sustaining systems that do not require constant interaction, input, and reinforcement from outside sources. It is a systems that forms early in life and strengthens as one ages.

If one is not comfortable in their own company and accepting of themselves, faults and all, solitude can loom like a giant void of uninterrupted desolation because hobbies and interests can only stave off anxiety and overthinking for so long.

Solitude starts as a personal preference, (and is a major, defining trait of autism), but it becomes a medium of self exploration, introspection, and heightened awareness. It is a more authentic version of one's self, one of the very few times an autistic can completely unmask without having to worry about social judgement.

(Catch .22 in and of itself and is wholly dependent and defined by the nature of the individual.)

The quiet kid who loves to read and hike with their dogs and invents their own dialect of elvish and then proceeds to train their dogs in that dialect, is going to be the polar opposite of a kid who delights in harming animals and plotting imaginary acts of violence against their preceived 'enemies'.

The effect solitude has and the relationship one has with solitude is all about how and when the relationship formed. Was it by necessity (bullying, social gaffes, peer ostracisation, etc.) or was it a conscious choice?

If it was a forced reality, solitude is never going to be a source of tranquility or self reflection without some major concessions and radical self acceptance because the solo state itself is the embodiment of social failure.

If it is a conscious choice rather than enforced isolation, it is a perferred and sought after state wherein one is only accountable to one's self for their time. Some do it for intellectual or spiritual reasons because solitude offers a form of stasis or positive reinforcement.

Basically you don't have to watch every word, step, or action to accommodate the comfort and inclusivity of others.

e.g. Having to stupid proof a complex concept into a Dick and Jane terms so Dilbert can be included in the conversation of psychological archetypes. ( And it is never appropriate to publicly point out that Dilbert has the perspicacity of Roman marine concrete.)

Yes, that example absolutely comes across as snobby and elitist, but it is an everyday occurrence of day to day social interactions.

From a personal standpoint it gets exceedingly hard to continuously trip one's self in order to maintain a pace 'normal' people can reasonably meet.

Like the plodding shopper at the grocery store, one ducks around them as soon as one can politely and feasibly do so.

Social exposure and interaction is requisite to understanding the true power there is in solitude and as with any type of power, it needs to be respected. Reasonable limits are required and not everyone is equipped to handle the responsibilities of the self.
 
Last edited:

Fino

Alex
V.I.P Member
Difficulty with solitude was actually likely a misdiagnosis on my part and an avoidance of the real issue. A person I'm in love with who I am good friends with recently got a new job and is now not able to spend as much time with me. More "solitude" away from him is the problem.

I've been joyful with solitude all my life and the beginning of covid was one of my happiest times. But thank you all for the comments! They were still helpful.
 

GypsyMoth

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
How sad and romantic at the same time. Does this guy know how you feel? New jobs can be stressful. Even if he just thinks of you as a friend, maybe doing something special for him would be encouragement to him.

For example. When my husband and I got married, I worked the day shift and he worked the evening shift. I worked weekdays and he worked weekends. We literally never saw each other. (Which, by the way, is a great way to start a marriage. The distance gives you elbow room.) So anyway, he'd write me, "hey, just thinking of you!" notes, and I'd visit him and bring him lunch. It worked-- we've been married now for over twenty years.

Now, you two don't appear to be that close (yet) but maybe there is something you can pursue in your suddenly free time that would contribute to your time when it is spent together?
 

Fino

Alex
V.I.P Member
How sad and romantic at the same time. Does this guy know how you feel? New jobs can be stressful. Even if he just thinks of you as a friend, maybe doing something special for him would be encouragement to him.

For example. When my husband and I got married, I worked the day shift and he worked the evening shift. I worked weekdays and he worked weekends. We literally never saw each other. (Which, by the way, is a great way to start a marriage. The distance gives you elbow room.) So anyway, he'd write me, "hey, just thinking of you!" notes, and I'd visit him and bring him lunch. It worked-- we've been married now for over twenty years.

Now, you two don't appear to be that close (yet) but maybe there is something you can pursue in your suddenly free time that would contribute to your time when it is spent together?

Yeah, he knows how I feel and is sympathetic. That's a great idea! Thank you!
 

New Threads

Top Bottom