Social Pressure

[Ylva]

It feels like physical pressure. Social pressure feels like actual weight. Does anyone else feel this way? Any plausible hypotheses about why?

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

If I understand what you're saying, then I experience it as chest pressure. I attribute it to anxiety, when I'm not acknowledging whatever it is that I'm afraid of.

Peer pressure is not something I react to until it's overwhelming...and then things get interesting...!

 

[Judge]

Stands to reason. Just not sure if I can offer an adequate explanation though. Let's just say I think for many NTs that social pressure comes down to simply deciding "going along to get along", whereas for many Aspies it offers only a "fight or flight" response.

That for us, "going along to get along" inherently involves having to emulate a type of NT behavior. A process not all Aspies are even capable of doing, let alone for a sustained amount of time.

From my own perspective emulating NT behavior can be physically discomforting, apart from emotionally exhausting. That while visually pretending to be having a good time, you really feel like some kind of "spy" infiltrating another's camp. Always with a fear of getting caught.

 

[Spiller]

Yes, I feel it as a weight on top of my head, pushing me down, or squeezing me. It depends who I'm with; overbearing and strongly opinionated people tend to make me feel like this and I simply want to get away from them, but others who're more supportive of my presence, don't and I can enjoy their company.
I think there's a connection to social isolation myself.. if I try to socialise, especially as I feel so lonely so much of the time, I want so much to be accepted and when I come across someone who makes me feel this, the internal conflict between wanting to be accepted and getting away creates a mental pressure.. now as the brain has no pain or touch sensors, then what's causing the feeling of pressure must be, like in The Matrix, the cognitive and emotional processes occurring in the brain. They seem as real as the sensation of actual, physical pressure, but are entirely in the mind, though that doesn't make the sensation, or the anxiety inducing effect of them, any less real.. otherwise you might as well say your thoughts and feelings aren't real.
Normally the mind responds to physical stimuli from the senses, but the body can also echo processes in the mind.. much like phantom limb syndrome, maybe.

 

[JKG]

Yes, agreed. For me it is a kind of emotional stress that feels like a flat heavy iron lid pressing on my head and chest. I like how others have explained the potential "whys" above.

 

[Nadador]

Some of the feeling of weight may be psychosomatic, as the body has a knack for physically manifesting the experiences of the mind in strikingly symbolic ways. There is also a physical cause for what might feel like weight on the body, however. Muscle tension, especially in the back and shoulders, as well as tightness in the chest occur with the fight-flight response, as your muscles contract to prepare for action. If the stress is very frequent or unrelenting, muscles can stay in the contraction phase for long periods of time, such that a person can feel as though they are literally shouldering a burden.

 

[Suzanne]

Yep, get what you mean! The "why"? Because when it is hard to be social and yet, social demands us to be social, it can feel like a mighty, heavy weight, because it is both physical and mental ie we suffer in both areas.

Just yesterday, I arrived at our spiritual meeting ( christian) and a sister got out of her car with her two granddaughters and although they were very friendly ie smiling and with their eyes, I could feel myself at a loss to what to say; added the burden with knowing that I should be welcoming but a feeling of sinking fast and so, I ended up, smiling weakly and silent. I feel this way many times with strangers; in fact, I really do not like meeting strangers, even though, goodness me, I am a stranger to them!!!

 

[Progster]

I have a job which involves a lot of talking or interaction, and this is how I feel when I start each day. It causes me a lot of anxiety. The mental effort involved is huge, and at the end of it I'm exhausted. But my work is very scripted by nature, and usually I feel that I'm in control. Appearing to fit in and playing my role in a social situation is a lot harder, because the interaction is less predicable and structured. I'm not very good at it at all. I have a tendency to want to withdraw into myself and not interact at all with others, and I have to fight this all the time. This causes a huge pressure in my brain, along with the concentration needed to follow a conversation and interact. I usually just withdraw, sit back and let others do the talking.

 

[Wireless]

I only experience this sometimes, due to my introversion I suspect. But, when trying to describe the sensation to myself my mind throws up words like squeezing, stretching, crushing, pressed.

 

[Tia Maria]

Just wondering, for those who answered above, do you feel the same physical manifestations of anxiety & stress when getting together with other Aspies?

If there was a social gathering where only aspies & auties were invited ... to say mingle or meet new people ... would that situation create the same level of stress, anxiety & physical pressure? (Thanks.)

 

[AsheSkyler]

Yes, quite. A lot of my senses and emotions are very tied together, so I'm not surprised pressure ends up feeling like a real weight.

 

[Suzanne]

Just wondering, for those who answered above, do you feel the same physical manifestations of anxiety & stress when getting together with other Aspies?

If there was a social gathering where only aspies & auties were invited ... to say mingle or meet new people ... would that situation create the same level of stress, anxiety & physical pressure? (Thanks.)

Good question and one I ask myself actually. I suspect yes is the answer because even though my best friend and I did not know we are aspies as the time, we still were when we met face to face and it was not so good; too surreal for us.

My husband manifests aspie traits, just as I can sometimes imitate nts traits and get confused.

I find monotone voices to be tedious to listen too, after a while; perhaps because my own voice is animated. I am very sensitive to people's changing emotions and thus could well feel uncomfortable if I was being stared at and one going on and on about themselves would be wearisome. But, having said that, if I started stimming, no doubt we would laugh in union. There should be no fear of social chit chat because we empathise.

So, I reckon the only thing would be a sense of being normal.

 

[Datura]

I find socialization much easier now, but I recall that is used to feel like there was a repulsive field between me and other people. If I tried to approach them I would feel tight in my chest and like a force was pushing me back. Trying to socialize at that time was almost physically painful.

 

[LoneHeart]

It feels like physical pressure. Social pressure feels like actual weight. Does anyone else feel this way? Any plausible hypotheses about why?

It's funny that you make this thread because that is how I have been feeling all day like I have a weight in my stomache/chest. I feel like I am going to be quite anti-social for the next few days as all the social stuff from work and school is getting to me.

 

[Warmheart]

Social overload feels like my cranium is being slowly, inexorably crushed. Although it isn't physically possible, it feels as if my "brain hurts." A slipping free of the social situation and isolating myself for a time allows things to resolve. This is a challenge which hurts my heart, because I love those I care about, and wish them to know this.

 

[Ylva]

Just wondering, for those who answered above, do you feel the same physical manifestations of anxiety & stress when getting together with other Aspies?

If there was a social gathering where only aspies & auties were invited ... to say mingle or meet new people ... would that situation create the same level of stress, anxiety & physical pressure? (Thanks.)

I don't think so. There's been very few aspies I've interacted with offline compared to how many allistics, but there was this group I attended, and I found myself comfortable with their eye contact since theirs wasn't insistent.

 

[Spiller]

Just wondering, for those who answered above, do you feel the same physical manifestations of anxiety & stress when getting together with other Aspies?

If there was a social gathering where only aspies & auties were invited ... to say mingle or meet new people ... would that situation create the same level of stress, anxiety & physical pressure? (Thanks.)

I've met a handful of Aspies in this last year and the pressure, while still present, is far slighter and on a more intellectual level.. I think, actually, that's more down to my own expectant anxiety in any social situation though as I've never known different.
Tellingly I think, I can come to AC to escape the 'pain' of normal social pressure.. I find making connections here alleviates it, almost like stimming and solitude; I've found the chat room good just for passing the time of day for a bit.. now doesn't that sound like a very un-Aspie thing

 

[Harrison]

I have a feeling that social pressure stems from our fight/flight response. The heaviness is a physical manifestation of our body trying to escape balanced by our determination to stay. Those two forces 'lock us down' as they struggle for dominance. I refuse to stay in a social situation where I begin to feel like that, as soon as I leave it stops.