Social awkwardness

[Ylva]

TW: discussion of issues such as popularity and likeability.

http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/...-how-to-deal-with-social-awkwardness-at-work/

Not really about autism, but a nice reflection on how neurotypicals can use our techniques (whatever they are) in their own lives.

 

[Tom]

Awkward is an awkward sounding word.

 

[Catlover614]

 

[Catlover614]

 

[pax]

"People will judge you as incompetent if they don't like you." That just made me really depressed.

 

[Ylva]

"People will judge you as incompetent if they don't like you." That just made me really depressed.

I usually want to know about other people's biases that affect me, but I will add a trigger warning, and I apologize to you that I have not done so before.

 

[pax]

I find what NTs class as social skills to be essentially biased, illogical, and not particularly social. I think it would be more helpful if they confronted their prejudces, instead of expecting everyone to conform to them. It's a bit like insisting someone become less negro.

I'm all for a base level of civility and respect - but in terms of not liking some ones project or proposal; an NT would say something like "We'll look at all avenues, " or "I'll look into that". Probably everyone in the room knows they are going to do no such thing, with the possible exception of the person who made the proposal, but it's seen as acceptable to lie and backstab and lead someone on.
I find it kinda tragic that people will like you and class you as a competent worker if you spend your time discussing your manicure, or the latest episode of the bachelor, but not if you get your work done.

Sorry if that bums anyone out.

 

[Andrew206]

I never engage in gossip. It's also difficult for me to initiate small talk. I still have some degree of social awkwardness even as a 30+ man.

 

[NovaScotia Aspie]

I never engage in gossip. It's also difficult for me to initiate small talk. I still have some degree of social awkwardness even as a 30+ man.

I don't engage in gossip as I have learned that what you say has the potential to get back to the individual you are gossiping about. In general , I have always been a quiet person but am likely even quieter because I know how damaging it can be if you don't weigh your words carefully.

 

[Catlover614]

I hate all forms of gossip. It's nobody's if I wear the same shirt 2 days in a row or why I'm so quiet. I don't talk about what my neighbors are doing and I sure hope they give me the same respect. I don't like celebrity gossip either. I don't fit in with people and that's why I love my cats so much....they never curl up their nose at me or laugh at me.

 

[WereBear]

I have concluded that gossip holds the same attraction for NT's that any other fascinating subject does for Aspies.

This must be connected with the difference between our use of social interaction, and theirs. According to something I read recently, Aspies sort out social with their frontal lobes (thinking & processing) while NT's tend to use their amygdala (sorting reactions according to their emotional content.)

If this is true, a group of them gossiping are not thinking, necessarily. They are simply reacting to inputs on an emotional level. That's good! How horrible! Oh, s/he is hot and I am attracted sexually! Kind of what browsing through an art gallery is like for art fans.

So it is no wonder we don't get the same enjoyment from it.

Mind you, gossip can be an important source of information, too. Like the new boss is a hockey fan, or the people who just moved in next door raise parrots; these are things we all need to know.

 

[Ylva]

I have concluded that gossip holds the same attraction for NT's that any other fascinating subject does for Aspies.

This must be connected with the difference between our use of social interaction, and theirs. According to something I read recently, Aspies sort out social with their frontal lobes (thinking & processing) while NT's tend to use their amygdala (sorting reactions according to their emotional content.)

I have always wondered why I never managed to seem as automated as they.

Mind you, gossip can be an important source of information, too. Like the new boss is a hockey fan, or the people who just moved in next door raise parrots; these are things we all need to know.

Love the sarcasm.

A social worker I talked to told me about how an autistic boy she worked with said things like "he's fat" out loud and that she told him to whisper it to someone instead, so when he had something to say he'd run over to the nearest adult (at school) and whisper "that kid is fat". She has concluded from this that humans have a psychological need to gossip. Honestly, though, I must have some kind of personality disorder given how uninterested I am in stories like that, whether telling or hearing.