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Social Anxiety - Online as well?

Z

Zidiane

Well-Known Member
I'm sure some of you suffer from social anxiety, as I do. I think my anxiety comes from not knowing the correct response to a given interaction. But, I'm able to cope by giving general replies, avoiding wholeheartedly stating something until I'm sure what's being asked of me, and giving agreeing responses to things that sound like I'm supposed to agree with (either judging by tone or content).

But, online I don't usually have these options. When I say something to someone, I need to trust that I interpreted the situation properly, as well as properly conveyed my point (which is assisted in person by someone's facial expression or involuntary vocalizations). But when I don't quite respond correctly online, and that happens fairly often, I get panic attacks as if it were in person anxiety. I go so far as to avoid actually reading responses if I know there's potential friction, but it doesn't stop me from all day stressing about what they could have said in their replies, knowing that their response is sitting there waiting for me to open it.

I know it's irrational, but it feels like I can't help but be crippled when these situations arise. Anyone else deal with anything similar?
 
I can handle having a Facebook, but maybe it's because I use it more like an emergency contact system and only keep family and the people I'm pretty close to on my friends list.
 
Yes. If or when someone "presses my buttons" online just as they might in person, it's a definite possibility.
 
Not so much here as other places online, and not online as much as IRL, but to some extent I have this issue online.

I must say, though, that I have recently tried a certain medication that helps with this. Some here are really down on any Rx, but everybody has different results. It's worth a try,
 
Yep, I have this problem with communicating online too. It's kind of different to talking to people face to face.

I think when talking face to face you don't really have time to think about whether your response is appropriate or not, but when communicating online you get time to over-think it - I end up over-thinking, sometimes to a point where I get so fixated on the possibility of people misunderstanding what I'm trying to say that I spend ages re-arranging the words in an attempt to be as clear as possible. Often, I will just get so worked up about it that I just give up and go and do something else. I'm a perfectionist in everything that I do, including choosing words...
 
Yes, I am the same way. I will spend ages analyzing and re-analyzing interactions. I second-guess my interpretations of them a lot. I also work on my responses for forever (editing, re-reading, re-arranging, editing some more). I usually call on my husband (an NT) to do a final read of it so I can make sure it doesn't get misunderstood before I send it out. It can get very tedious for him, but he is a good sport about it.

I have a Facebook account, but I only use it for playing games and uploading pictures of my son for my mother-in-law. It is just too much work and anxiety for me to try to socialize regularly and still make it look casual.
 
Sometimes I'll avoid messaging areas like notes, private messages, and my email for a few days if I'm expecting there to be a lot of nasty comments waiting. Misinterpretation isn't my issue, it's the dang trolls! I say "I like birds" or "I don't like birds", and since I dared take a defined stance on birds, there's at least one ninny out there with their knickers in a bunch who wants to call me every lame insult they can come up with. Other than that, I have no problems socializing online.
 
Chocokat25 said:
Yes, I am the same way. I will spend ages analyzing and re-analyzing interactions. I second-guess my interpretations of them a lot. I also work on my responses for forever (editing, re-reading, re-arranging, editing some more). I usually call on my husband (an NT) to do a final read of it so I can make sure it doesn't get misunderstood before I send it out. It can get very tedious for him, but he is a good sport about it.

I have a Facebook account, but I only use it for playing games and uploading pictures of my son for my mother-in-law. It is just too much work and anxiety for me to try to socialize regularly and still make it look casual.
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I can relate to your issues, I find it hard to express myself online, and I tend to write very little on Facebook, or comment. Many times I would "copy" a comment that I like, and use it instead of making my own. I do a lot of editing, re-editing, and there are many times I just delete the thing, and hit the "like-button" instead. I mostly use Facebook to keep in touch with my extended family, and siblings who live far away.

I am constantly worried about "saying wrong things" or my words being interpreted in another way than intended.
 
Me as well. The anxiety isn't as bad as it is in person, but it is much easier to avoid saying anything at all online.

It's dumb of me, I know. But any time I try to reply to something someone has said, I feel like people will think whatever I'm trying to say is stupid. Like I have nothing useful to contribute and all I'm doing is bothering people.

I don't like that feeling, and it's so easy to change my mind and say nothing and pretend I was never there in the first place.

But that's pretty messed up. I mean, I already avoid real life interaction to a ridiculous degree. I can go months without speaking to anyone aside from my gf and our roommate (and even talking to them is difficult sometimes). And now I even avoid it online, where I'm completely anonymous and there are no consequences at all. It's a bit crazy.
 
Zidiane said:
I know it's irrational, but it feels like I can't help but be crippled when these situations arise. Anyone else deal with anything similar?
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Axeman52 said:
I spend ages re-arranging the words in an attempt to be as clear as possible. Often, I will just get so worked up about it that I just give up and go and do something else. I'm a perfectionist in everything that I do, including choosing words...
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I lurked on this and other forums for months before making my first post. I'm so anxious that I'll post something everyone else thinks is stupid I edit and re-edit, delete as often as I post.
As time passes and I realise many others here have similar problems, it gets easier, but I still dread a negative response, but you know what? I don't think there's anyone here who would be as mean as an NT looking to raise his status.
 
This is the first forum I've joined where I haven't felt anxious.

I've been a member of a couple of non related forums for work stuff and in 10 years posted maybe 50-80 times.
Even my FB page can throw me a curve sometimes.
 
Facebook is idiotic to start with. I wouldn't pay attention to what people think - it's a trap meant to make you feel bad. It's a social game; waste of time.
 
I finally got up the nerve to join and post here a few months ago. I take a long time to post because I always have to think very carefully about what I say and how it may come across, too, so i understand how you feel! It gets easier with practice, it seems.
 
Pyrola said:
I take a long time to post because I always have to think very carefully about what I say and how it may come across, too, so i understand how you feel! It gets easier with practice, it seems.
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Yes, it will get easier. Welcome to AC.
 
Yes I used to have a lot that developed everytime I loged into a a forum I cared about too much, and a bit of a compulsive pattern reading tweets and finding new acounts to follow just because the app in my first smartphone that lasted just for a week. And a lot from stalking some ex friends but much more one in particular that produced me a fatal blow in her leaving.

But not anymore any of those.
 
I closed my FB account months ago: someone hacked my list of contacts and keeps sending me garbage email from my "friends" addresses. FB is a BIG danger to privacy: they sell all your private information!!
 
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