So You Think You Know Who You Are?

[Peace]

Well you are not who you seem to be. At least not to you anyways. Why do you think that we don't understand other peoples reaction to us. It is because we think we act, and are perceived by other people a certain way, but that is not the way that they see us. Everybody else see's us differently than we do. It is like hearing your recorded voice, it sounds completely different to us than what we thought. Imagine if you could see yourself as recorded through another persons eyes, you would appear completely different. And that is exactly what happens. Just like seeing differences in politics, or disagreeing on what color something is, we all see something different. This is not exclusive to Aspie's though, it is the same for everyone. What makes Aspie's different is that we typically understand much less about how we are perceived than most everyone else.

 

[Maddox]

That's true, I don't care how I'm perceived by anyone else, but I also don't think about myself in a philosophical or evaluative way. I don't ask about the meaning of my life or "Who am I?"

 

[tree]

I do think I know who I am.
I am the person I have studied most of my life.
That person can see how other people view me.

I am not much surprised by me.
I am not different from what I expect.

The view that other people tell me about resembles
what I know of myself. The exceptions would be views
given by people who don't really know me or have their
own perceptions clouded by misconception.

 

[watersprite]

Agreed, Peace Though, I do understand parts - because a couple people close to me have helped me to see.
One of the problems I continue to run into, which is embarassing still, is how easy it is to focus on what others perceive if they communicate it to me. Since diagnosis I am running the 'pool cleaner' and having to change filters frequently.

 

[Beverly]

I agree Peace to a point but, a part of my career is understanding how other perceive me and presenting an image the majority will accept, like and admire. While that isn't who I am, I am well aware of how others perceive me and, can change that perception at will.

Those close to me know that I am creative, patient and, prefer to be alone most of the time but, do enjoy social event if I am in control, such as hosting a dinner party. I do not like social events in which I have no control of the event. In that I am a control freak and, will try to control any non professional social occasion. I'm usually quite good at it too so, for me socializing is not so daunting as it is for many Aspies.

People close to me know who I am, and that's the same me I think I am, others don't need to know and can just accept the image I feed them.

 

[Tom]

With you on that tree. But it took a long time to come to a complete understanding.

Are there still some unknown rooms, maybe even an unknown corridor in the complex that is my brain? Yes, probably, and actually I hope so. And also rooms and floors I knew that I have forgotten. I think there is only so much space in a person's head and what's in the actively using part shifts over time.

 

[On the Inside]

Interesting thought. Kind of makes you realize how multi-faceted existence is when you try to step outside yourself.

No, I don't know "me" all that well. The parts of me I know well are the bits related to my own behavior patterns, habits, likes and dislikes; the predictable me. Not terribly interesting, or unique I'm finding. I guess I'm like tree, I'm not much surprised by me, either.

The self talk that goes on almost constantly is telling me a variety of "perceptions" of me, sometimes I think that voice is that of other people with whom I associate, other times I recognize it as my own perception of myself which is usually influenced by how I'm feeling at the time. Did I have a really good run on a new trail? Man, I'm awesome! Did I forget to do something I said I'd do? I'm worthless. Either way, it may be accurate at the moment, but it is not my true self. Not an illusion, but elusive and mutable.

And the sense of me gained by all the introspection I engage in? Much of it is forgotten unless I write it down or it becomes a sort of slogan at worst, a mantra at best, to be replayed on a loop while I am engaged in some activity. That which gets written down is often looked upon with amusement at some later time. Did I really think that? Some of it has kernels of truth and wisdom, though.

But would the perceptions of others help me get to know me better? I don't know, maybe a little bit. It would depend on what their motive is, and I'm not sure I'd trust that. I normally take such observations, I guess I'm talking about feedback, as useful bits of guidance, encouragement, or criticism. But I think I place that in the same place as my own self-talk, maybe accurate at the moment, but no measure of a true me.

 

[Ylva]

To the extent that I can read people, I can tell what they think about me. I dislike being near people who cover their body language up, but I can sort of understand them as I've had to do so myself in order to survive. (You can say that avoiding physical assault is not necessarily "surviving" as many people survive being assaulted, but I think it counts.)

Many who cover up their body language do it imperfectly, though, and as someone who had Stockholm Syndrome on her classmates I can read those people well enough.