So, anyone (anione?) as tips for how to be less shy ?

[Daniela]

*Sight* Yes As makes me seem a litle shy too, but I dont think its just AS sometimes I feel like "Yeah I should do this, go to the person and do this....go....go....dam it I cant I´m so emberassed."
XD get it ?
And I want to get over it. I know its step by step ....and I know it takes all of my will too *Laughs* But if you guys gave me some tips, I would forever be greatfull.

 

[King_Oni]

I always considered that shyness has to do partially with holding back too much, being too inhibited and being to self-conscious.

For quite a while I was pretty shy, mostly my teens, but eventually I just poked fun of myself (and others) and decided that it's the stupidest thing to worry over and just dove right in. Yes, it also means that I ended up in a few really weird situations, but ever since I don't have any real awkward situations I can recall.

That by itself however might also be the risk I have going on. It means that I'll do whatever I want more than most people (even the non-shy, extroverted ones). I suppose it also makes me slightly unhinged to some, lol.

However, the thing that I think is important, and is very much something I do; I'm not always this impulsive. Sometimes I just need to think through some things before I act. And that eventually takes away some of the potential embrassment. Even going through a conversation mentally will help there. Being able to "predict" and "steer" the conversation makes you end up in less awkward situations as well.

 

[epath13]

As a kid sometimes I thought I was shy, but it always made no sense to me, because I didn't really feel that way. The reason why I thought that, because I couldn't do anything I wanted, like in a dream, for instance. Subconsciously I knew, that maybe, it's not a good idea but consciously I blamed myself for not being able to do so. Now I know what was happening to me, back then I only partially realized it.
1) when I imagined what I was going to say, I imagined it in pictures not in words. So when I opened my mouth, sometimes I couldn't really say anything reasonable because I just couldn't put the right words in a sentence. People weren't usually patient, and didn't want to wait for a half an hour for me to give birth to some speech
2) in many cases I couldn't predict other people reactions, when i got an unexpected reaction I couldn't respond to it, because I wasn't prepared and my mind would just go blank.
3) I didnt really know how to socialize, what to say. How to start a conversation. When I was a kid I would usually just tell stories, or come up with new games. I didn't know what to do when it didn't seem appropriate to tell stories etc.

I learned how to socialize in high school (by reading books about it), it was going pretty well but I still had hard time predicting other people's actions. I'm better at it now, because I'm aware of the issue, so I am more attentive and analyze people more to identify their possible behavior. Before when I would suddenly decided, "hell with it, I'll do whatever I want" - I usually didn't get reactions I expected and sometime got myself in a little bit of a trouble, usually I made those uncomfortable situations into a joke and put it in my "oh, crap!" adventures list so... I don't know, sometimes I wonder do "shy" people really exist?

 

[Daniela]

Ah I see ... so maybe it is AS, like there was this time that I wanted to help a lady to carry her groceries becouse she was with crutches, and I was actualy social that day, and in my mind I was thinking, I should offer help , but then I didnt know how she would react, she could think that I dindt belive she was capable of it our something. So, I just went home. Feeling bad as hell for not pushing myself. XD
Gess I have to read more books and be more analizing too.

 

[epath13]

Ah I see ... so maybe it is AS, like there was this time that I wanted to help a lady to carry her groceries becouse she was with crutches, and I was actualy social that day, and in my mind I was thinking, I should offer help , but then I didnt know how she would react, she could think that I dindt belive she was capable of it our something. So, I just went home. Feeling bad as hell for not pushing myself. XD
Gess I have to read more books and be more analizing too.

I think it is a part of AS - need to predict every step, every action but sometimes, like in the situation with the lady, even the most analytical people could get it wrong. I think what's important for us is to be prepared not just for a conversation, but also for things not going the way we have thought. Like in the situation with the lady, sometimes it's hard to say what would happen (for anybody, not just for people with AS), but I think what's important here is to accept your decision, whatever that decision is. For instance... "it was my decision not to help the lady, because I don't know whether she needed help or not. It's ok for me to make this decision. It doesn't make me a bad person." Or something And then keep repeating those words to yourself instead for self- deminishing ones. And come up with a plan if the situation happens again. Like, for instance, you could ask a person if they need help. Saying it with a smile is even better. And then prepared yourself for 2 possible reactions. When I have a situation like that, I usually play it out - how it could have gone, so I can be prepared when I'm in a similar situation. It woks for me. And it doesn't matter if the situation happens again or not, it's a good exercise

One more thing, most of my days are very foggy but I do have clear days when the words just flow. Partially it's migraines, partially because of being overloaded. On some days I can barely say anything, at least it becomes harder, sometime I say words wrong, or put them in a wrong order. Before I was obsessed with it, now I just take it as my normal. Most people I know don't care about it, and those who do - don't matter. Self acceptance is everything

 

[Persevero]

There's no "easy" way to stop being shy. I think the best you can do is jump right out with trusted ones and build confidence from there. The people you can trust should be able to let you know if you did anything wrong without serious consequences.

With strangers what helped me overcome my shyness was thinking "I'm probably never going to see this person again - I'll take the risk, if it doesn't work out it can't affect me later on"

 

[Cali Cat]

Erm, well ... uh. I drank to overcome shyness. It did help. I figured if I could stand the embarrassment of the things I did while drunk, I could certainly afford to take a few chances while sober.

I wouldn't actually recommend this as a healthy method of self-improvement though.

 

[Etzelaire]

I am not a shy person because I think everything I say has a purpouse and therefore it's needed. May I add, to overcome shyness I would start talking to unknown people first with 'hello, good bye' to 'hello, nice day huh?, and others (sometimes I ask them where they are going, in the train, or what do they study' you get used to it, it's like a platform game you say hello and get ready to level 2, how are you? And so on and so forth.

 

[grapesicles]

It's really not an easy thing to get over! Methods that helped me were pretending to be someone else who was much more confident (in my head) and visualise how they might speak or do things. Or imagine how I'd feel if someone else was doing the same thing (eg. dancing) - in 99% of circumstances, I probably wouldn't give it a second thought. It's unlikely anyone is going to see you dance and think "damn, what is she thinking?!", and go home and tell their friends and family about it and laugh, and then remember it and reflect on it for the rest of their lives. What you think might be a big deal to you in terms of finding something scary, other people really won't give a second thought. They're too busy thinking about impressing someone, or what they're having for dinner, or how silly they might look themselves.

 

[Judge]

It's really not an easy thing to get over! Methods that helped me were pretending to be someone else who was much more confident (in my head) and visualise how they might speak or do things.

Interesting! In hindsight I sometimes wish I had pushed myself to take drama in high school. Be able to stand up in front of others and speak, but with a gimmick of sorts, pretending I was someone else. I think a lot of this every time I see Aspie/actress Darryl Hannah in the movies.

 

[clg114]

Get old and grumpy. It worked for me.