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Should I try to get my Aspie back?

Text "I'm still looking for the recipe, but while I'm looking how is everything going with you?" Ask how his job is going, if he decorating for Christmas - just stuff. He may not know what to talk about. Then print the recipe off and say "the recipe is too long to text so I'll bring over a copy. Would now be ok or later?"
 
Plumeria said:
That's great advice Angela but unfortunately, he hates talking on the phone. We barely talked when we were together, he is a text or in person type of guy. I texted her back "Yes I do :) I have to look for it" Then he replied "Thank you" Now I have mixed feelings. I know it's great he reached out but what if the recipe is all he wants? Oh well, we'll see... I am trying to stay level headed, not too excited, not too negative.
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I don't want to interfere with your level-headedness, but there is no way that the recipe is all he wants.
 
Plumeria said:
That's great advice Angela but unfortunately, he hates talking on the phone. We barely talked when we were together, he is a text or in person type of guy. I texted her back "Yes I do :) I have to look for it" Then he replied "Thank you" Now I have mixed feelings. I know it's great he reached out but what if the recipe is all he wants? Oh well, we'll see... I am trying to stay level headed, not too excited, not too negative.
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Well? What's happening? I can't take the suspense! :confused:
 
nurseangela said:
Well? What's happening? I can't take the suspense! :confused:
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I am at work and have to reply using my cell phone (Sorry for the typos). I haven't texted again. I appreciate your advice but I don't want to scare him! He is easily overwhelmed. I read an article once on how to gain the trust of an aspie and it compared the situation to gaining the trust of a stray cat. If you give the cat milk, he will come around but not stay. If you try to bring him inside and keep him there, he won't be happy but... If you slowly allow him to come and go, eventually he will stay longer. You get the picture. That's where I've had to practice my patience... Let him come to me, let him do what he feels comfortable with positive reinforcement. I will look for the recipe and email or text it to him and we what happens... If this is his way of slowly establishing communication... It will continue. Hopefully :)
 
I just texted him the cookie recipe and he replied right away "thank you." Thats all. Not sure if he'll text again, but Im not going to expect anything, I'm just happy he texted today :)
 
Plumeria said:
I just texted him the cookie recipe and he replied right away "thank you." Thats all. Not sure if he'll text again, but Im not going to expect anything, I'm just happy he texted today :)
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Why don't you text him and see how the recipe came out and tell him that you'd like to taste his cookies. :D
 
nurseangela said:
Teach him what? :p Don't forget he can't read between the lines. ;)
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lol
I actually meant how to bake the cookies, but I must admit your interpretation of that is much better. I really dislike typing on my phone, so I stick to shortest possible answers.

Have you texted him to ask how the cookies turned out yet?
 
May Black said:
lol
I actually meant how to bake the cookies, but I must admit your interpretation of that is much better. I really dislike typing on my phone, so I stick to shortest possible answers.

Have you texted him to ask how the cookies turned out yet?
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No, I haven't texted him again.
 
UPDATE: His sister called me yesterday because he went out of town and she was watching his dog, and the dog got loose and ran away. Luckily the pound called and she went to pick up the dog but needed the dog's vaccine record (which I have). After we straightened everything with the dog, she called me again to invite me to a Holiday party with her and her friends. Her other brother and sister-in-law were going to be there too. I hesitated at first and told her that I dont think I could, but she insisted. Thats when I told her -- "I'm going to be honest with you, it's been three months since your brother and I broke up but I still love him very much and miss him every day. I've kept myself busy and tried to move on but Im having a hard time. I really loved our relationship and you and your family too, so seeing you all will be hard for me."

She told me that she knows her brother very well and that he doesnt usually last long in relationships and that we lasted for a long time. She said that the family was surprised that we were always together because he never brought anyone around that much. She said that when he gets overwhelmed, he could easily withdraw from EVERYONE, that he's stubborn. She said that the family hasnt seen him much lately because he's always busy working and that he hasn't even put up the Christmas lights yet (which he does every year).

She encouraged me to text him from time to time and that I should hang out with her and the family so he can hear my name and get use to me and hopefully he will slowly open up again. She said that there was still some business to do with the dog's registration and she was leaving (today) so she would tell my ex that I have the info and that I will help him finish the process, that I should text him on Monday about the dog. She asked if he's texted me, I told her last week he asked for a recipe. She said thats a good sign and that I should keep texting him (like most of you have said, thank you). Now that I am getting encouragement from his sister, I feel more confident about texting him :)

So, I ended up going to the party, she is friends with my cousin's wife, who was also there -- having my family there helped me feel more comfortable. It was nice seeing my ex's family and nieces and nephews, they all hugged me and were happy to see me. It was nice knowing that his family likes me a lot and I ended up having a fun time at the party :)

We'll see what happens!
 
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Plumeria said:
UPDATE: His sister called me yesterday because he went out of town and she was watching his dog, and the dog got loose and ran away. Luckily the pound called and she went to pick up the dog but needed the dog's vaccine record (which I have). After we straightened everything with the dog, she called me again to invite me to a Holiday party with her and her friends. My ex's brother and sister-in-law were going to be there too. I hesitated at first and told her that I dont think I could, but she insisted. Thats when I told her -- "I'm going to be honest with you, it's been three months since your brother and I broke up but I still love him very much and miss him every day. I've kept myself busy and tried to move on but Im having a hard time. I really loved our relationship and you and your family too, so seeing you all will be hard for me."

She told me that she knows her brother very well and that he doesnt usually last long in relationships and that we lasted for a long time. She said that the family was surprised that we were always together because he never brought anyone around that much. She told me that I should text him from time to time and that I should hang out with her and the family so he can hear my name and get use to me and hopefully he will slowly open up again. She said that there was still some business to do with the dog's registration and she was leaving (today) so she would tell my ex that I have the info and that I will help him finish the process, that I should text him on Monday about the dog. She asked if he's texted me, I told her last week he asked for a recipe. She said thats a good sign and that I should keep texting him (like most of you have said, thank you). Now that I am getting encouragement from his sister, I feel more confident about texting him :)

So, I ended up going to the party, she is friends with my cousin's wife, who was also there -- having my family there helped me feel more comfortable. It was nice seeing my ex's family and nieces and nephews, they all hugged me and were happy to see me. It was nice knowing that his family likes me a lot and I ended up having a fun time at the party :)

We'll see what happens!
Click to expand...
Well, nothing beats advice from a family member! We might have insights into him because of his Aspieness, but of course his sister knows him best. Really wonderful that his whole family likes you so much :) That says something good about you. Also, I might be wrong on this, and anyone can correct me, but I think Aspie guys are less likely to introduce girls to their family, so the fact that he let you get to know so many of his family members might itself say a lot.
 
:p:p
Plumeria said:
UPDATE: His sister called me yesterday because he went out of town and she was watching his dog, and the dog got loose and ran away. Luckily the pound called and she went to pick up the dog but needed the dog's vaccine record (which I have). After we straightened everything with the dog, she called me again to invite me to a Holiday party with her and her friends. Her other brother and sister-in-law were going to be there too. I hesitated at first and told her that I dont think I could, but she insisted. Thats when I told her -- "I'm going to be honest with you, it's been three months since your brother and I broke up but I still love him very much and miss him every day. I've kept myself busy and tried to move on but Im having a hard time. I really loved our relationship and you and your family too, so seeing you all will be hard for me."

She told me that she knows her brother very well and that he doesnt usually last long in relationships and that we lasted for a long time. She said that the family was surprised that we were always together because he never brought anyone around that much. She said that when he gets overwhelmed, he could easily withdraw from EVERYONE, that he's stubborn. She said that the family hasnt seen him much lately because he's always busy working and that he hasn't even put up the Christmas lights yet (which he does every year).

She encouraged me to text him from time to time and that I should hang out with her and the family so he can hear my name and get use to me and hopefully he will slowly open up again. She said that there was still some business to do with the dog's registration and she was leaving (today) so she would tell my ex that I have the info and that I will help him finish the process, that I should text him on Monday about the dog. She asked if he's texted me, I told her last week he asked for a recipe. She said thats a good sign and that I should keep texting him (like most of you have said, thank you). Now that I am getting encouragement from his sister, I feel more confident about texting him :)

So, I ended up going to the party, she is friends with my cousin's wife, who was also there -- having my family there helped me feel more comfortable. It was nice seeing my ex's family and nieces and nephews, they all hugged me and were happy to see me. It was nice knowing that his family likes me a lot and I ended up having a fun time at the party :)

We'll see what happens!
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WOO HOO!!!!! OK, right now I have too much of my own drama going on to even have a chance for anything romantic so know that I'm living through you. Try to make it fun and exciting, but no pressure! :p Let me know how Monday's text goes - I'll be sitting on the edge of my seat with bated breath! Don't forget to ask him how his cookie recipe came out and maybe mention that you were able to get your sink unclogged but thank him for being available when that went wrong. Idk. Some Aspies say they don't even acknowledge "thank you", but if it were me, I always thank a person because I am grateful to have any help.
 
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